Butt-head: I think this is a buzz clip.
Beavis: You know, um, I always thought, y'know, like, a buzz clip, like, was where, um...y'know, like, they had something in the um...um...you know, where they, uh...[the pair resume sleeping]
[the video ends]

Butt-head: I think this is supposed to be, like, freaking us out, but I'm un-freaked. In fact, this video is making me feel totally normal.
Beavis: Yeah, I mean, this is, you know, just a normal video like you always see, really.
Butt-head: Yeah, it's like, you know, if you turned on the TV and this was on, I'd go, like, "Yep. That's what I thought I was gonna see."
Six Finger Satellite, Parlour Games

Butt-head: I think this is that place where you get like, lemonade.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: And they have a bunch of horn dogs working there.
Beavis: They have horn dogs?
Butt-head: Yeah. You know, that's where they like, dip their wiener in the fryer.
Beavis: It's like, every time I go to that damn place, like, I want to get a milkshake, they say "I'm sorry, the shake machine's broken", and I say [angry] "Dammit, it's always broken!"
[one member proceeds to deep fry two battered hot dogs]

Butt-head: I think this is The Jesus and Mary Chain.
Beavis: Quit cursing, Butt-head.
Butt-head: I'm not! That's the name of the band, Beavis!
Beavis: Why would anybody name their band that?! It means like...everytime you like...say the name of the band, you're like, um, doing one of those, um...sins?
Butt-head: Yeah. They're gonna spend an eternity in Hell.
Billy Joel, Uptown Girl

Butt-head: I think this is, like, a love song.
Beavis: Yeah. It is a love song so divine.

Butt-head: I thought people usually look cool in leather jackets?
Beavis: Yeah! What's wrong? How come these people all look like wussies?
Butt-head: Sometimes, it just doesn't work, Beavis.
Beavis: Maybe these are, like, vinyl jackets.
Butt-head: No, they're leather. You can't polish a turd, Beavis.
Beavis: Yeah! I tried that once, I got, like, some dog doo-doo, and like, some, uh, black shoe polish, and then I, like, tried to polish it, but it's like, it's like, you can't polish a turd!
Butt-head: That's disgusting, Beavis! I bet it was pretty cool to try, though.

Butt-head: I wanna dye my hair orange.
Beavis: Yeah. You'd look good, Butt-head. You should do it.
Stone Temple Pilots, Vasoline

Butt-head: I wanna lay down. Move over!
Beavis: No way! I'm gonna sit right here and watch this.
Butt-head: Come on, Beavis, get up!
Beavis: No way, Butt-head! I always sit here.
Butt-head: Beavis, I'm gonna give you ten seconds to get up.
Beavis: I've been sitting here for years, and you've been sitting there, and it's like, why change now?
Butt-head: Come on, Beavis! Besides, it's like, you always sit too close to me.
Beavis: No way! If I move over any more, then there's a spring that goes up my bunghole.

Butt-head: I wish this chick would just quit whining.
Beavis: Um...you know, you could change the channel, Butt-head.
Butt-head: I shouldn't have to do that. She should just shut up. She's the one who sucks.
David Byrne, Angels

Butt-head: I wish, like, in school, they would teach something practical, like, heavy metal.
Beavis: Yeah! They should have, like, "Heavy Metal Choir"!
Butt-head: Yeah!
Beavis: UP-UP-URAGH UP-UP-UH-UH-UH-UH-RRRAAAAGGHHH!!!

Butt-head: I wonder if they're like, pipes for water, or pipes for crap?
Beavis: It would be cool if they had pipes with crap and turds running through them.
Butt-head: They do, dumbass. How do you think all that crap gets out of your house?
Beavis: It doesn't. It's in my basement in little jars.
Butt-head: Thats pretty disgusting, Beavis.

Butt-head: I'm getting sick and tired of these videos where there's like, college dudes, and they're all in the water and you know, being all smartass...
Beavis: Yeah yeah, really.
Butt-head: Uh...maybe we should turn the TV off.
Beavis: Okay, yeah! Let's turn it off. Okay. [Butt-head turns the TV off; the two sigh in relaxation] Um...hmm...so um...how's it going?
Butt-head: Uh...pretty good.
Beavis: So um...so uh...so what did you do today?
Butt-head: Uh...I've been sitting here all day, Beavis.
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: Uh...oh boy.
Beavis: Ahh! Okay. So um...you been getting any?
Butt-head: Uh...no.
Beavis: So um...what's on TV?
Butt-head: Uh...I don't know, let's see.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! That's a good idea! [The video comes back on] Oh, cool! A video! Ahh, this is great.
Coolio, Gangsta's Paradise

Butt-head: I'm getting tired of seeing all these videos where it's all out of focus and it's all blurry and blobby and a bunch of art crap.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: Art sucks.
Beavis: Yeah, it's all like...you know there's all this stuff, and there's like, all these colours...
Butt-head: Yeah. It's all, uhh...[the pair fall asleep]
[the instrumentation shifts in dynamics, focusing more on distorted guitars]

Butt-head: I'm glad these guys found each other.
Beavis: I wonder how they met.
Butt-head: They were probably like, pushing over some kid's sand castle, and they were like "Whoa! You have tight jeans and Converse All-Stars just like me! Do you like shoving little kids? I do too! Let's start a band."

Butt-head: I'm hungry, Beavis. Go make some pancakes.
Beavis: Come on, Butt-head, I wanna watch this.
Butt-head: Uhh, you can watch it later. It's gonna be on about 50 times.
Beavis: Really? Well, okay. I guess I can make some pancakes. [exits the room. all further lines are yelled from the kitchen] Okay, where's the syrup?!
Butt-head: [calling out ] You gotta make the pancakes first, dumbass!
Beavis: Um...where's the spatula?
Butt-head: Uhh, I think it's in my bedroom!
Beavis: Oh, okay! [Beavis can be heard running]
Butt-head: Look under the bed!
Beavis: Oh, there's the pan, too! Cool! [walks back to the kitchen, passes by Butt-head] Hey, how's it going?
Butt-head: Hey. Pretty good.
Beavis: [hums] Dun dun da dun...[yells from the kitchen] How's that video?
Butt-head: It's pretty cool, now shut up and get cooking!
Beavis: How much mayonnaise do I put in?
Butt-head: None!
Beavis: One what? Okay, I'll just put one cup then. [long beat] Hey Butt-head, is there supposed to be smoke?
Butt-head: Uhh, I think so. [the smoke alarm goes off]
Beavis: AAH! OW!!
Wilson Phillips, Release Me