Butt-head: It's like, I haven't seen Danzig on TV in awhile.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, he's been hiding out so that I can't find him and kick his ass.
Butt-head: Yeah, right! I'd like to see you try to kick Danzig's ass!
Beavis: Oh yeah. It'd probably be pretty close now, 'cause like, all that sand stuff down there, that's probably like that "pearl formula weight gain" powder stuff. He's tryin' to like, bulk up for a fight!
Butt-head: You're a butt-monkey, Beavis!
Beavis: Eh, I'm gonna kick his ass, yeah!

Butt-Head: It's my turn to be the judge asswipe! Huh,huh,huh,..This court is now in session. Iknow you've sworn sir, and I've read your complaint. How does you hold against the charges of......
Beavis: Trespassing! Heh,heh,heh.
Butt-Head: Yeah, and buzzing around and getting in my face and stuff. Huh,huh,huh, has the jury reached the verdict?
Beavis: The defence rests.
Butt-Head: Yeah huh,huh,huh, shut up! I herby sentence the defendant to death by ........ uh..death by... huh,huh,huh, sawing off his twiener! Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh.
Beavis: (Beavis whips out Mr. Anderson's chainsaw and mutilates the grasshopper; also chopping off Butt-Head's index finger which bleeds continuously)
Beavis and Butt-Head: (singing Judas Priest Breaking the Law) BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWW; BREAKING THE LAW, BREAKING THE LAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!
Butt-Head: (index finger is still bleeding) Huh, huh, huh.... cool.

Butt-head: Lars is cool.
Beavis: Isn't he that dude on that Addams Family?
Butt-head: You're thinking of Lurch, dumbass! Lars could kick Lurch's butt.
Beavis: Yeah. He could kick Cousin Itt's butt too.
Butt-head: Does Cousin Itt have a butt?
Beavis: Yeah. [jabbers like Cousin Itt]
Butt-head: [imitating Lurch] Uhhh, you rang, Mrs. Addams, uhhh?
Beavis: Heh heh, that was pretty funny, Butt-head.

Butt-head: Let's not use our real names.
Beavis: Yea
Butt-head: [on the phone] I'm Beavis and he's Butt-head.

Butt-head: Life. What a beautiful choice.
Beavis: Life. It sucks! All these kids have one thing in common - they're all here because a couple people did it. [Yanni fades in on screen] Whoa, look at that, it's Geraldo!
Butt-head: Oh no. This is Yanni.
Beavis: Come on, change it, Butt-head.
Butt-head: I can't believe they're even showing this.
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: This guy is the biggest butthole I've ever seen in my life.
Beavis: Yeah. Change it, Butt-head. Come on, gimme that!
Butt-head: Uhh, wait a minute, I think it's about to rock. [turns the volume up as loud as it can go]
Beavis: Come on, dammit Butt-head, cut it out!
Butt-head: No way, Beavis. You like this.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! No I don't! Turn it down!
Butt-head: Hey Beavis, did you know that this guy is your dad?
Beavis: AAAAAAHHHH!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
Butt-head: You're a dumbass, Beavis. You just, like, believe anything anybody tells you.
Beavis: Um, no. I was just kidding.

Butt-head: Light one up its butt.
[Beavis does so, then drops the burning insect in order to see it explode. Both of them are now laughing.]

Butt-head: Look at his mouth.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. It's all encrustulated with grobiels of feces.
Butt-head: See what I mean, Beavis? You got like, some problem of something.
Beavis: Yeah well, your, uh... your mom, you uh, your mom ... yeah.

Butt-head: Look at his nose! I bet this guy could pick his nose with his big toe!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! That's cool! I do that sometimes!
Butt-head: Oh yeah? That's pretty cool.

Butt-head: Look at that little braid thing on the back of his head.
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, one of those dolls, where you pull the string, and they, like, talk and stuff.
Butt-head: That would be a cool doll if you had, like, this little bald dude without a shirt, and you, like, pull a string on the back of his head and he just starts shouting at you. And then it could wet its pants.
Lordz of Brooklyn, Saturday Night Fever

Butt-head: Look at this dork.
Beavis: Yeah. What a dumbass.
Butt-head: Ooh, sexy. This band sucks.
Beavis: Yeah, really. Hey Butt-head, didn't these guys play at that wedding we went to?
Butt-head: Yeah. Remember when you kept asking them to play Pantera?
Beavis: Yeah. That was cool.
Butt-head: Remember when you waited in line to kiss the bride? And you tried to cop a feel?
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: Her dad kicked your ass.
Sugar Ray, Mean Machine

Butt-head: Look at this guy!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! This, SUCKS!

Butt-head: Look at this guy. Did I mention that this sucks?
Beavis: Yeah, but it's like, you know, it can't hurt to say it again.
Danzig, Cantspeak

Butt-head: Look at this stupid stuff she keeps doing with her face.
Beavis: Yeah. This chick is pretty dumb.
Butt-head: Yeah, and she's probably a slut too.

Butt-head: Look! It's Krokus coming to kick their ass. It's The Night of the Living Bands That Suck.
Alice in Chains, Man in the Box

Butt-head: Madonna looks pretty normal here.
Beavis: Yeah, really. She just looks like a normal, white-haired old lady walking down the street to get some groceries. You know what I'm saying?
Butt-head: Uh...yeah. But, you know, for a white-haired old lady, she still looks pretty good.
Beavis: Oh yeah! You know, I'd do her...
Butt-head: Beavis, you'd do your old white-haired grandma if you had the chance.
Beavis: No way, Butt-head! My grandma's got brown, kinda purple hair.