Butt-head: Madonna's always like...masturbating during her videos.
Beavis: Yeah, so am I!
Butt-head: Yeah, but like, when she masturbates, she's still doing it with Madonna, but when you spank your monkey, you're just having sex with Beavis!
Beavis: Well, little Beavis.
Marilyn Manson, Get Your Gunn

Butt-head: Man, this chick is out of her gourd.
Beavis: She's like completely whacked out.
Butt-head: I can't really blame her, because, like, some of these weird chicks makes tons of money.
Beavis: Really?
Butt-head: Yeah, it's not like they are going around saying: "We need a normal chick to dance on a truck."

Butt-head: Maybe he has diarrhea.
Stewart's Mom: [crying] He does NOT have diarrhea. I'm his mother, I would know if he had diarrhea.

Butt-head: Mötley Crüe fired this dude.
Beavis: They fired him. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Butt-head: Tommy Lee should have shoved a drumstick up his butt.
Beavis: Yeah. That would've been cool.

Butt-head: Mexico really sucks!

Butt-head: Mr. Stevenson, is that you?
Mr. Steveson: Beavis, Butt-head, thank god! What happened? Tell me what happened?
Butt-head: Our TV broke.
Beavis: Can we watch it at your house?
[Mr. Stevenson groans]

Butt-head: No sir, I don't have any spare change. Get those damn spoons out of my face.
Beavis: Get those spoons out of my face before I shove 'em up your butt! Get outta here!
Stacey Q, Two of Hearts

Butt-head: No Way, they put that dude in a fence.
Beavis: Fences are cool.
Butt-head: Especially electric fences.
Beavis: [chanting] When I was little and had no sense/I took a whiz on an electric fence/It hurt so bad, it shocked my balls/Then I took a crap in my overalls!
Butt-head: Whoa! That was cool.

Butt-Head: Now we need to get some of that bug spray.
Beavis: Bug spray?
Butt-Head: Yeah, when it lands on the garbage, we'll like, spray poison on it, then it's gonna puke all over itself and die!

Butt-head: Oh boy. This is really sad. It's probably like, you know, he has kids and stuff, and he's like "Okay kids, I gotta put on my make-up and go do another show."
Beavis: Yeah, you know? It's too bad, really.
King Missile, Martin Scorsese

Butt-head: Oh man! What is this?
Beavis: Yeah! This guy really sucks, and I'm not just saying that either!
Butt-head: Where's he going with that magazine?
Beavis: He's going into the bathroom, and he's taking those guys with him.

Butt-head: Oh no, is this Yanni? [pause] Uhh...oh, this is Pink Floyd.
Beavis: Are they from England?
Butt-head: Yep. Just another gang of wussies from England.

Butt-head: Oh no, it's another one of these. [Beavis groans] They need to try harder.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, it's like, they're not even trying! Come on, come on! I want you to start over again, and this time, try! Come on, let's go, pick it up, come on, come on, here we go! Come on, one, two, three, four, yeah, come on! Come on, rock!

Butt-head: Oh no, what is this crap?
Beavis: Yeah, why is she just sitting there?
Butt-head: Yeah. Get up!
Beavis: Just like, just stand up and get out of there.
Butt-head: I wish she would stand up and leave.
Beavis: And I wish the music would stop too.
Butt-head: Yeah. Just because we have to sit through this crap doesn't mean she can too!
[Glitter begins to fall on her]
Beavis: Hey look, Butt-head! They're throwing a bunch of crap on her!
Butt-head: Yeah! And she still won't get up.
Beavis: Maybe she's inside one of those things, you know like when you shake it and there's a snowman in it and stuff comes down?
Butt-head: Oh yeah. I like to break those.
Beavis: Yeah. Me too. I like to break just about anything.

Butt-head: Oh no. Is this The Eurythmics?
Beavis: [laughs] You said, um...you said, uh...eur...uh...you said something...eur...uh, urine?
Butt-head: No, Beavis. I said is this The Eurythmics?
Beavis: Yeah, I know, but it sounds kinda funny because it sounds like eur...uh, sounds kinda urine-y. There's something there.
Butt-head: Shut up.