Beavis and Butt-Head quotes
1300 total quotesBeavis: Whoa, is that Ross Perot?
Butt-head: Yeah. I think that's Ross Perot from a long time ago.
Beavis: Oh yeah. [imitating Ross Perot] Folks, it's simple. When a problem comes along, you must whip it!
Butt-head: He looks like some sort of bungsnoidial buttsnoid.
Butt-head: Yeah. I think that's Ross Perot from a long time ago.
Beavis: Oh yeah. [imitating Ross Perot] Folks, it's simple. When a problem comes along, you must whip it!
Butt-head: He looks like some sort of bungsnoidial buttsnoid.
Beavis: Whoa, is this a demolition derby?
Butt-head: Uh, yeah! I think it is. Demolition derbies kick ass!
Beavis: Yeah, yeeeeeaaaaahhhh! Y'know, I can't think of anything, that kicks as much ass, as a demolition derby! Yeah!
Butt-head: Yeah. Does your mom still go out to Sunset Speedway and watch those?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah! "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! SUNSET SPEEDWAY PRESENTS THE DUKES OF DIRT, DERBYYYYY! THE BARONS OF FAST, THE KINGS OF CRASH, IT'S A SMASH UP DERBY SPECTACULAR, WITH CHILLS, THRILLS, AND BONE CRUNCHING SPILLS! Ticket price pays for the whole seat, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EEEEDDDDDDGGGEEEE! WHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Your voice is too high to do that. [in a very high pitched voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!"
Beavis: Shut up, butthole! Check this out, [in a deeper voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sundaaayyyy!"
Butt-head: You have a high voice, Beavis!
Beavis: SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD, I don't talk like that!
Vince Neil, Sister of Pain
Butt-head: Uh, yeah! I think it is. Demolition derbies kick ass!
Beavis: Yeah, yeeeeeaaaaahhhh! Y'know, I can't think of anything, that kicks as much ass, as a demolition derby! Yeah!
Butt-head: Yeah. Does your mom still go out to Sunset Speedway and watch those?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, yeah! "SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY! SUNSET SPEEDWAY PRESENTS THE DUKES OF DIRT, DERBYYYYY! THE BARONS OF FAST, THE KINGS OF CRASH, IT'S A SMASH UP DERBY SPECTACULAR, WITH CHILLS, THRILLS, AND BONE CRUNCHING SPILLS! Ticket price pays for the whole seat, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EEEEDDDDDDGGGEEEE! WHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis. Your voice is too high to do that. [in a very high pitched voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!"
Beavis: Shut up, butthole! Check this out, [in a deeper voice] "Sunday, Sunday, Sundaaayyyy!"
Butt-head: You have a high voice, Beavis!
Beavis: SHUT UP, BUTT-HEAD, I don't talk like that!
Vince Neil, Sister of Pain
Beavis: Whoa, is this supposed to be a dream?
Butt-head: Uhh...no, this dude really lives like this.
Beavis: Whoa, that's cool.
Butt-head: It's like, if you were scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, what would you dream about? Cause all I dream about now is scoring.
Beavis: Well, if I was scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, then I would dream about scoring with three chicks. And if I was scoring with three chicks, I'd dream about scoring with, um...FOUR! Four chicks!
Butt-head: And then if I had five chicks at the same time, I'd just put my face in all their buttcheeks and go blblblblblb.
[a shot of a woman's butt in tight pants is shown]
Butt-head: Uhh...no, this dude really lives like this.
Beavis: Whoa, that's cool.
Butt-head: It's like, if you were scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, what would you dream about? Cause all I dream about now is scoring.
Beavis: Well, if I was scoring with two chicks at the same time in real life, then I would dream about scoring with three chicks. And if I was scoring with three chicks, I'd dream about scoring with, um...FOUR! Four chicks!
Butt-head: And then if I had five chicks at the same time, I'd just put my face in all their buttcheeks and go blblblblblb.
[a shot of a woman's butt in tight pants is shown]
Beavis: Whoa, look at that shoe! Look, high heels!
Butt-head: Yeah. That must mean there's a chick.
Beavis: Or Todd Rundgren.
Butt-head: Who?
Beavis: Todd Rundgren.
Butt-head: Who the hell is he, Beavis?
Beavis: You don't know who Todd Rundgren is?
Butt-head: Uh, no. And you don't either.
Beavis: Um...oh yeah.
Butt-head: Yeah. That must mean there's a chick.
Beavis: Or Todd Rundgren.
Butt-head: Who?
Beavis: Todd Rundgren.
Butt-head: Who the hell is he, Beavis?
Beavis: You don't know who Todd Rundgren is?
Butt-head: Uh, no. And you don't either.
Beavis: Um...oh yeah.
Beavis: Whoa, look, Butt-head! Poop in a jar!
Butt-head: Oh yeah. I think there's some wee-wee there too.
Butt-head: Oh yeah. I think there's some wee-wee there too.
Beavis: Whoa, that chick is all over him! Check it out.
Butt-head: Yeah, it's like, he was minding his own business, trying to grab his wiener...
Beavis: I heard that.
Butt-head: ...and then she just came up and got in his face!
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, he was just trying to grab his wiener, you know!
Butt-head: Uh huh.
Beavis: And she just jumped on him! That never happens to me! I grab my wiener all the time. I'm gonna grab my wiener right now.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, do that outside.
The Europeans, We Are Animals
Butt-head: Yeah, it's like, he was minding his own business, trying to grab his wiener...
Beavis: I heard that.
Butt-head: ...and then she just came up and got in his face!
Beavis: Yeah, it's like, he was just trying to grab his wiener, you know!
Butt-head: Uh huh.
Beavis: And she just jumped on him! That never happens to me! I grab my wiener all the time. I'm gonna grab my wiener right now.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, do that outside.
The Europeans, We Are Animals
Beavis: Whoa, that guy's touching his wiener!!!
Butt-head: So? You are too!
Beavis: Yeah! Oh, oh yeah! But that's different.
Butt-head: What's different about it?
Beavis: Um, it's a different wiener!
Butt-head: Yeah, it's probably bigger too.
Butt-head: So? You are too!
Beavis: Yeah! Oh, oh yeah! But that's different.
Butt-head: What's different about it?
Beavis: Um, it's a different wiener!
Butt-head: Yeah, it's probably bigger too.
Beavis: Whoa, this looks pretty cool!
Butt-head: Yeah, "The electrified forcefield has created the perfect being!" In the future, it's like, all turds will be perfectly round.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, and they will go "plop!"
Butt-head: Yeah, "The electrified forcefield has created the perfect being!" In the future, it's like, all turds will be perfectly round.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, and they will go "plop!"
Beavis: Whoa, what are they doing to that guy?
Butt-head: Uhh...maybe they're welding his buttcheeks shut.
Beavis: Um, heh...why would they do that?
Butt-head: Uh...I dunno, I think it would be cool to have a butt without a crack. It's like, instead of having two buttcheeks, you just have one. That would rule.
Beavis: So like, um, how would you take a dump?
Butt-head: Uhh, it's like, you wouldn't have to take a dump anymore. Because like, you know, you'd only have one butt.
Beavis: Really? But, I dunno, I'd kinda miss it.
Butt-head: Uhh...maybe they're welding his buttcheeks shut.
Beavis: Um, heh...why would they do that?
Butt-head: Uh...I dunno, I think it would be cool to have a butt without a crack. It's like, instead of having two buttcheeks, you just have one. That would rule.
Beavis: So like, um, how would you take a dump?
Butt-head: Uhh, it's like, you wouldn't have to take a dump anymore. Because like, you know, you'd only have one butt.
Beavis: Really? But, I dunno, I'd kinda miss it.
Beavis: Whoa, what is that thing?
Butt-head: It's like, these guys suck so bad, they have to go to their concerts in these armoured vehicles.
Beavis: You know, that singer, um, he looks a little better in this video, it's like, he doesn't look as ugly as, uh...never mind.
Butt-head: Yeah. It's too bad he's not good looking like me.
[commenting on a wolfman with huge claws]
Butt-head: It's like, these guys suck so bad, they have to go to their concerts in these armoured vehicles.
Beavis: You know, that singer, um, he looks a little better in this video, it's like, he doesn't look as ugly as, uh...never mind.
Butt-head: Yeah. It's too bad he's not good looking like me.
[commenting on a wolfman with huge claws]
Beavis: Whoa, what's that noise?
Butt-head: It's Satan, dumbass. [imitates warbled tape]
Beavis: Yeah, heh, that's cool.
Butt-head: It's Satan, dumbass. [imitates warbled tape]
Beavis: Yeah, heh, that's cool.
Beavis: Whoa, where are they taking him?
Butt-head: I think they're gonna go torture him somewhere, like, to get him to say something.
Beavis: Oh yeah. You mean, like, "I'm a monkey's uncle"?
Butt-head: No, dumbass! Like, y'know, where the money is, or something like that.
Beavis: If I was that dude, I'd just, like, kick 'em in the nads, and then like smack their heads together, then just like tear ass!
Butt-head: Beavis, if that was you, they'd just, like, touch you, and then you'd go "Aaaahhh!!! I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money in my backyard!"
Beavis: No sir! Buttmunch.
Butt-head: I think they're gonna go torture him somewhere, like, to get him to say something.
Beavis: Oh yeah. You mean, like, "I'm a monkey's uncle"?
Butt-head: No, dumbass! Like, y'know, where the money is, or something like that.
Beavis: If I was that dude, I'd just, like, kick 'em in the nads, and then like smack their heads together, then just like tear ass!
Butt-head: Beavis, if that was you, they'd just, like, touch you, and then you'd go "Aaaahhh!!! I'm a monkey's uncle and I put the money in my backyard!"
Beavis: No sir! Buttmunch.
Beavis: Whoa. This is freaking me out.
Butt-head: Yeah. This is weird.
Beavis: I have a sore throat, Butt-head. [coughs] Does it sound scratchy when I talk?
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah, sort of.
Beavis: Really?
Butt-head: Yeah. You're always like, [imitates Beavis] "Yeah, uhuhuhuhuhuhuh."
Beavis: I don't sound like that! [coughs] I'm just gonna be quiet for a while because my throat hurts.
Butt-head: Okay. Good.
Butt-head: Yeah. This is weird.
Beavis: I have a sore throat, Butt-head. [coughs] Does it sound scratchy when I talk?
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah, sort of.
Beavis: Really?
Butt-head: Yeah. You're always like, [imitates Beavis] "Yeah, uhuhuhuhuhuhuh."
Beavis: I don't sound like that! [coughs] I'm just gonna be quiet for a while because my throat hurts.
Butt-head: Okay. Good.