Beavis: Whoa, check it out, it's the Turdburgler!
Butt-head: You mean the Hamburglar, dude.
Beavis: No, this guy's a Turdburgler.
Butt-head: Oh yeah!

Beavis: Whoa, check it out, that guy's about to score! Stop the truck!
Butt-head: Yeah, pull over, buttmunch!

Beavis: Whoa, check it out. [sings along] He died and he died and he died and he died and he died and he died and he died and he died and he died and he died...[Butt-head smacks him] OOOOWWWWW!!!! Oh, thanks, Butt-head. I was stuck.

Beavis: Whoa, check it out. deadmau5 is dead. I'll be damned.
Butt-head: Uh... remember that time that kid at school died?
Beavis: Oh, yeah, yeah. Um, who was that?
Butt-head: Uh...
Beavis: Was it Stewart?
Butt-head: No, Stewart's still alive. We saw him yesterday.
Beavis: Oh, we did? I um, usually don't notice. I know Daria killed herself, I remember that.
Butt-head: Uh... she didn't kill herself, she just moved away.
Beavis: Whoa, really? Wow. You know, that's kinda surprising. I thought she killed herself.

Beavis: Whoa, check it out. I-I'd like to try peeing on a snail some time. Tha-that'd be cool, yeah!
Butt-head: You wanna pee on a snail?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, it's like, like, I'd like to pee anywhere outside, but y'know, I just feel like, y'know, peeing on a snail, y'know, ehhh that'd be something different.
Butt-head: Uhhhhh, how 'bout peeing in the toilet?
Beavis: Heh, oh yeah. I haven't done that in a while.

Beavis: Whoa, check it out. That room is cool. I think that's Kurt Cobain's bedroom. I'm gonna get my room set up like that with all, like, lit-up stars and stuff, and then, like, it's gonna be cool.
Butt-head: No you're not. You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that, and you're never gonna score.
Beavis: Shut up!
Butt-head: You're just gonna sit around for the rest of your life, spanking your monkey.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I am too gonna fix my room up! Butthole!
Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit

Beavis: Whoa, check out his eyes.
Butt-head: Uhhh, you want black eyes like that?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah, I think it would be cool!
Butt-head: Okay. [starts smacking Beavis repeatedly]

Beavis: Whoa, check out that tornado!
Butt-head: That's not a tornado, that's that Tasmanian Devil dude.
Beavis: Oh yeah, he kicks ass. Did you ever see that time he beat Bugs Bunny upside the head with a shovel?
Butt-head: Yeah. I like the one where they grab Elmer Fudd by the head, and form through a knothole in a fence, and then beat him in the head over and over again with a shovel.
Beavis: Oh yeah. That's kinda harsh, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Yeah. Cartoons are cool.
Dinosaur Jr., Feel the Pain

Beavis: Whoa, check this out! See, he's coming in, he's delivering room service...
Butt-head: [interrupting] Dammit Beavis! [slaps Beavis]
Beavis: Oh, sorry. Yeah, I forgot. Yeah, this is exciting! Yeah, yeah.

Beavis: Whoa, cool! That's just like that spaceship I was telling you about, Butt-head!
Butt-head: Uh, what spaceship?
Beavis: Y'know, that one that landed right outside my window? And then like, these dudes came in the house and like, hypmotized me, and then like, took me into space and stuff. See, check out these marks on my leg. This is where they tried to esperiment on me.
Butt-head: Beavis, that's where you got a gravel burn tryin' to look cool on your bike!
Beavis: Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
Butt-head: And you looked like a dork.
Beavis: Yeah, that wasn't too good, yeah.

Beavis: Whoa, he's not even on a pogo stick. I'll be damned.

Beavis: Whoa, hey Butt-head, check it out he's a liar, you know "Liar, Liar, I'll ripped your balls out! I'll kick your ass! Liar!"
Butt-head: Shut up! Those aren't the rules.
Beavis: Whoa, whores! Check it out, Butt-head, whores!
Butt-head: Yeah. Whores rules.
Rollins Band, Liar

Beavis: Whoa, hey, check it out. I think that's that bell that they, like, taught us about in history class, where they like, rang it, and then put a big crack in it.
Butt-head: No, Beavis. You're thinking of Bible class, when they talked about how God created the butt.
Beavis: Oh yeah. And then he created poop.
Butt-head: That's in that Doo-doo-ronemy section.
Beavis: The Bible kicks ass.

Beavis: Whoa, I think this is my grampa!
Butt-head: No this is that dude that was in that movie...he married his cousin, and then they did it.
Beavis: Oh yeah. I think that movie was called "Great Balls of FFFFIRE!!"

Beavis: Whoa, is that a body?
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah I think so.
Beavis: You think they killed somebody just to make this video?
Butt-head: They should have killed the people who made it.
Beavis: I wonder what that would be like, you know, to die.
Butt-head: Uhh, well, you're gonna find out someday.
Beavis: [imitating Cornholio] Are you threatening me? I will never die.
Butt-head: No, I'm serious, Beavis. It's like, you know, you start to get all old and stuff.
Beavis: Yeah, really? What else?
Butt-head: Uhh, I think you start, like, losing control of your wee-wee.
Beavis: Uhh, what else?
Butt-head: Uhh, then you, like, start pooping a lot, and you, like, lose the grip of your butt.
Beavis: AHHH, I'M GONNA DIE!!!
Butt-head: Yeah. You're old.
Beavis: So, um, Butt-head, what would do, like, if I died?
Butt-head: I'd probably, like, move over to the middle of the couch. It's more comfortable.
Tricky, Black Steel