[Another "Angie the Talking Doll" sketch.]
Angie: Hello, I'm Angie the Talking Doll.
Kevin: Angie, do you splat pies?
Angie: I may be stuffed with sawdust, kid, but I'm not that stupid!

[Christine is doing her screen test for You Can't Do That On Television - The Movie.]
Christine: [enthusiastically, with a big smile on her face] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about, because I..." excuse me, could we make a small line change here?
Director Frederico Panzarotti: No, no, Christine, it's gotta be done exactly as it's written.
Christine: No - it's just that...
Panzarotti: No, no, no, no - look, you wanna be in the movies?
Christine: Yes, of course I do.
Panzarotti: Then READ THE LINES!
Christine: [with much less enthusiasm] "Hi, and welcome to You Can't Do That On Television, The Movie. Don't ask me what it's about... because I don't know."
[Christine is slimed.]

[Doug enters the living room wearing a kilt]
Mr. Prevert: Ha! When I was your age, I wouldn't have been caught dead wearing a skirt!
Doug: It's not a skirt, it's a kilt. And when you were my age, probably all you had to wear was dinosaur skins.
Mr. Prevert: Actually, they were saber-toothed tiger skins. Dinosaur skins went out with the caveman.

[In the kitchen, Mrs. Prevert is standing on a chair and screaming.]
Adam: What's the matter, Mom, why are you screaming?
Mrs. Prevert: I'm screaming because of the beatles!
Adam: I know the Beatles were a great rock group, and people used to scream at their concerts, but that was a long time ago! Besides, you're not playing any of their music.
Mrs. Prevert: No, I'm not screaming because of those Beatles, I'm screaming because of those beatles! (points at some real beetles on the floor. Adam screams and gets on the chair as well.)

[Kevin Schenk walks up to Angie and pulls her string.]
Angie: Hello, I'm Angie the Talking Doll.
Kevin: Angie, how do I stop smoking?
Angie: Where there's smoke, there's fire.
[Angie dumps a bucket of water over Kevin's head.]

[Lisa and Marjorie are in the living room]
Lisa: Marjorie, I thought you said that your parents were getting a separation.
Marjorie: They are, but since neither of them could afford to move out, they separated the house.
[Camera switches to a wider shot, revealing that the living room is divided straight down the middle by a solid white line, which divides the sofa and table in half. In one chair, on the same side of the house as the TV, sits Valerie, knitting, and in the other chair on the other side of the white line sits Lance, reading the paper. Lisa and Marjorie are seated on Valerie's half of the couch.]
Valerie: Marjorie dear, I'm afraid your little friend is going to have to go home now.
Marjorie: Aw Mom, she just got here!
Valerie: Marjorie dear, you know the rules - no company after eight o'clock.
Marjorie: All right. Dad?
Lance: Yeah? What is it, Marjorie?
Marjorie: Can we come over to play?
Lance: Why sure, kid! You know what I always say, my house is your house.
Marjorie: Bye Mom!
Valerie: Bye dear.
[The girls get up, cross the white line and move to the other side of the sofa.]
Marjorie: Dad, this is my friend Lisa.
[The girls sit down on the couch. Marjorie sits right on the dividing white line, Valerie cautions "Uh-uh-uh!" and Marjorie scoots back over to the other side.]
Lisa: Marjorie, I can't see the TV.
Marjorie: Oh yeah, I know that. Mom got custody.
Lance: [holding up his beer can] But I got custody of the fridge. Heh heh.

[Mr. Schidtler is returning test papers]
Sarah: Hey Moose, I think he likes me!
Christine: What makes you say that?
Sarah: Well, he put all these kisses on my paper!
[Sarah shows Christine her test paper covered with red "X"'s]
Christine: She's so naive.

[Mrs. Prevert has taken the soap out of Doug's Mouth.]
Mrs. Prevert: Young man, I certainly hope that washing your mouth off with this soap has taught you about using that kind of language.
Doug: I'm gonna be using that kind of language more from now on.
Mrs. Prevert: WHAT?! Didn't this teach you a lesson?
Doug': It sure did.
Mrs. Prevert: What's that?
Doug: I love the taste of soap, it's fabulous.
[Mrs. Prevert screams as Doug bites more of the soap.]

[Opposite sketch]
Mr. Shidtler: Michael Lyon, did I see you cheating just now?
Mike: No, sir.
Mr. Shidtler: Why not? You know the answers?
Mike: No, sir.
Mr. Shidtler: Oh. Well, wanna look at mine?

[opposite skit]
Mr. Schidtler: Class, CLASS!! Can you please pay attention? Does anybody here have any idea why inte--- "Inestine" was regarded as a great scientist? Kevin?
Kevin: Oh, uh, I don't know. [braces for the green slime, but nothing happens]
Mr. Schidtler: Christine?
Christine: I don't know. [she also braces for the slime, which again fails to fall]
Mr. Schidtler: Lisa?
Lisa: [excitedly] Oh! Yes sir, I know!
[Lisa is slimed]
Lisa: Wait a second! Wait, wait wait. That's only supposed to happen when people say "I don't know."
Christine: Ah, but Lisa, you forget. This is an opposite skit.

[The classroom. Lisa is jabbering away to Christine, who is sitting in the desk behind her, and doesn't hear Mr. Schidtler call her name several times.]
Mr. Schidtler: LISA!!!!!
Lisa: What?!
Mr. Schidtler: Lisa, please do not talk with your mouth open.
Lisa: Sir, don't you mean "Do not talk with your mouth full"?
Mr. Schidtler: No, I mean, "Do not talk with your mouth open."
Lisa: Well, how else am I supposed to talk?!
Mr. Schidtler: Exactly.
[The rest of the classroom erupts in applause]

[The kids have just decided to form a band to back Alasdair when he goes out touring.]
Alasdair: Okay, what do we call (the band)?
Stephanie: Beats me.
Alasdair: No, I don't really like the sound of that. Adam, do you have any ideas?
Adam: I'm thinking, I'm thinking...
Alasdair: No, no, Adam, that's too intellectual. Alanis, you must have a good idea?
Alanis: I don't know.
[Alanis is slimed.]
Alanis: [angrily] Alasdair, you did that on PURPOSE! Now I will hate you.
Alasdair: No! Alanis, no, really, it didn't have anything to do with me. I just forgot to tell you that on this show you can't say "I don't know," or you'll get slimed---
[Alasdair is also slimed.]
Adam: Wait a minute, I've got a great idea! Why don't we call our group the Green Slimes? [shaking Alasdair's hand] Put 'er there, buddy!
Alasdair: Swell. [to Alanis] You okay?
[Alanis, grimacing, digs a handful of slime out of her shirt pocket and drops it on the floor.]

[Throughout the show, Lisa has told jokes referring you Christine as a dog.]
Christine: Hey, Lisa.
Lisa: Yeah, Moosie?
Christine: Lisa, do you know what I do to little costarlets who keep calling me a dog?
Lisa: (laughing nervously) Oh, I don't know! (she gets slimed)
Christine: I, uh, get my revenge.

[Two Boy Scouts are sitting on a house's front porch with a case of bottled beer
Boy Scouts: [Singing with drunk voices] Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer...
Scoutmaster: [Blows whistle] Empty bottles! You were supposed to collect empty bottles!
Boy Scout: [in a drunk voice] We've been emptying them.... [Belch]

[Vanessa and Christine are lost in the woods.]
Vanessa: I'm starving! Are these berries edible?
Christine: Vanessa, those are gooseberries. Of course they're edible. They're full of Protein and Vitamin A.
Vanessa: Boy, I sure am glad I got stuck in the woods with an expert like you!
[Vanessa eats some of the berries, and then a few seconds later gasps, clutches her throat, and falls over dead.]
Christine: [Laughing] Of course, silly me! I should have noticed the deep red coloring sooner. This is obviously Deadly Nightshade! Highly poisonous. Boy, do I feel dumb.