Johnny: The time is 6:07 in the morning, and it's time for this message.
Commercial: Wouldn't a delicious, ice-cold beer taste particularly good right now? Sure it would!
Johnny: Sure it would.

Johnny: Travis, you should've heard Bailey with the news. It's the first time it ever made sense.
Jennifer: I like when Les does it. It's always so surreal.

Johnny: Well?
Venus: Well what?
Johnny: Well, go back in there and get the albums.
Venus: Need I remind you that the police are going to search every inch of this station, including your desk drawer?
Johnny: I'll go get those albums.

Johnny: WKRP, with your generous help and support, has now climbed to 10th place in the Cincinnati market! If I sound emotional about this, it's because I can still hear my father saying: "Son, no matter what you decide to do in this life, always try to come in 10th." I think we've done it here, Dad!

Johnny: You just talk into the mike and your voice goes out through the wires, and once a week, whether you need it or not, somebody comes in here and gives you a check for $38.
Bailey: Don't you ever get scared, you know, like, get stage fright?
Johnny: Well, I'll tell you a secret, Bailey. If you ever find yourself on the air, and you feel a little nervous, just imagine that you're speaking to one specific person. Which in fact is probably the case here.

Johnny: You used to be a good disk jockey, man. 'Course, that was when you were black.
Venus: You want to be Acting Program Director? You want to argue about something you don't care about with someone you agree with?
Johnny: Do you understand what you just said?
Venus: Not a word.

Les: [about Jennifer's house] My great aunt Eureka Nessman lived in a house very like this once, all alone. She had a little parakeet and she used to let it fly free throughout the house.
Jennifer: Really?
Les: Then she bought another parakeet, and another, and more and more until finally there were thousands of parakeets. And the mess they made was beyond belief. Aunt Eureka had gone insane of course, living all alone in a house very much like this one.

Les: [pointing at the stairs] Do these lead upstairs?
Johnny: It depends on which way you're going.

Les: And so, in summary, this German piggy went to the common market. This Chinese piggy stayed home. This Soviet piggy had turkey. Our American piggy had none. This is Les Nessman saying wee wee wee all the way home.

Les: Are you trying to tell me that I'm not worthy of Lorraine?
Jennifer: No, I'm trying to tell you that Lorraine is not worthy of you.
Les: She cost $200.
Jennifer: No, she charges $200. Les, I'm talking about the oldest profession.
Les: Lorraine's a farmer?

Les: Bailey, you'll lead us in a team prayer.
Bailey: Why me?
Les: Because you're the most wholesome.

Les: Bailey, you're his friend. What do you really know about Venus?
Bailey: You promise not to tell?
Les: I swear.
Bailey: Well, uh... you're gonna think this is a little crazy at first, but uh... I think he's black.

Les: Everybody around here thinks I'm crazy! Fortunately, you know better than that.
Jennifer: [silence]
Les: Fortunately, you know better than that.

Les: If there's one thing this reporter knows about, it's two things: One, hogs, and two, Russians.

Les: In a situation like this, I always ask myself, what would my hero Edward R. Murrow think? And I think that Ed would think that this was censorship. Then I think about what my other hero, General George Patton, would think, and I think George would think that radio and television ought to be cleaned up, and if he were alive today, he'd take two armored cavalry divisions into Hollywood and knock all those liberal pinheads into the Pacific! So as you can see, I'm a very confused man. And when I get confused, I watch TV. Television is never confusing. It's all so simple somehow.