Johnny: All right fellow babies, that was the Doors, and this is sort of Johnny Fever, kind of Doctor. And after [slurs] nine drinks, Venus Flytrap is catatonic, and I myself have personally just seen a giant pig. He is currently painting the walls of our lobby.
Officer: He is obviously drunk, ladies and gentlemen.
Johnny: Yes, he is, and I'm not feeling badly myself.

Johnny: All right, Cincinnati shape up cause it's time for your morning check up. The Doctor is on duty. I have just returned from personally supervising an extensive research project involving West Coast vegetable worship cults and the cure's here babies. That's right. Doctor Johnny Fever is back and I'm on call every morning on WKRP in Cincinnati!

Johnny: All right, Cincinnati, it is time for this town to get down! You've got Johnny... Dr. Johnny Fever, and I am burning up in here! WHOA! We ALL in critical condition babies, but you can tell me where it hurts, 'cause I got the healing prescription here from the big 'KRP musical medicine cabinet! Now I am talking about your 50,000-watt intensive CARE unit, babies! So just sit right down, relax, open your ears REAL wide and say "Give it to me straight, doctor, I can take it!" I almost forgot, fellow babies... BOOGER!

Johnny: Any signs of senility?
Herb Sr.: It's all around, Venus.
Venus: I'm Venus.
Herb Sr.: Then who's he?
Venus: That's Johnny.
Herb Sr.: The black guy?
Venus: No, I'm the black guy.
Herb Sr.: Oh, excuse me.

Johnny: Bigotry started a long time ago. Nobody knows where. I think the French started it.

Johnny: Do you believe in a supreme being?
Bailey: Wow! Uh, I think so.
Johnny: What's he like?
Bailey: Well, first of all she's black--that was a joke. An old joke, but a good one.

Johnny: Greetings, fellow teammates! Say, where is center field?

Johnny: Here's how we do it. We go into the supermarket. [to Bailey] You create a ruckus in the produce section. [to Venus] You grab the poster, slip it under your jacket, we're out the door!
Bailey: What kind of ruckus?
Johnny: I don't know, uh, something with mangoes.
Bailey: Mangoes?
Andy: [entering] Hey, Venus, don't worry about the posters; they'll be out of the supermarkets by tomorrow.
Venus: Thank goodness.
Bailey: Oh, too bad. I was just getting a mental picture of me and those mangoes.
Johnny: Yeah...?

Johnny: How can you do that? How can you put a dollar value on your sister's company? And, more importantly, how much?
Andy: Thirty bucks.
Johnny: What's wrong with your sister?

Johnny: I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!

Johnny: In the first place, Herb's name isn't Tarlek, it's Nietzsche. He's directly related to the famous nihilist philosopher. See, he came to America to prove through the use of polyester that God is dead, and I think he's succeeded admirably, don't you?

Johnny: Need I remind you that I have two growing ex-wives to support?

Johnny: Right now I'd like to describe some of the incredible action that's going on down here. A man we believe might be a customer has just come from freshening up, and it looks like he's... leaving. No, wait a minute, he's paused there, maybe he's going to chat with Del Murdock, personable owner of Del's Stereo and Sound... yes he is, maybe he's going to buy something, and he's...no, no, he's pulled out a gun...uh, for any policemen who might be listening, apparently we're being held up here at Del's Stereo and Sound...

Johnny: Statistics, right? I don't trust 'em. Statistically speaking, anybody who's led the kind of life that I have should look completely wasted.

Johnny: The Doctor is not feelin' too good today. The Doctor was a bad boy last night. The Doctor overmedicated!
Season 2