Deangelo: Uhhh, you sir! Are we having fun tonight?
Jim: Having a great time.
Deangelo: Oh good!
Jim: Thanks, yeah.
Deangelo: Where were you on September 11th?
Michael: No! God!

Dwight: "R" is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder and not mukduk.

Dwight: [After he didn't tip the sub man] Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Dwight: [bringing in a dead goose] I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle!
Toby: C'mon, Dwight, we talked about this: no dead animals in the office.

Dwight: [crying] The Sebring is cool! The Sebring is so cool! Please don't fire me Michael, I'll do anything!

Dwight: [giving a speech at a paper selling conference] BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY!

Dwight: [Having been backed up against a hedge by Andy in his Prius] Get out and face me like a man!
Andy: I AM A MAN! I'm a bigger man than you will ever be! I would never sleep with another man's fiance!
Dwight: You're not a man! You don't know how to take care of her! All you do is dress fancy and sing. [mockingly] A-la-la-la-la-la-la! What does that mean? You can't even protect her!
Andy: Protect her from what? Bears, you idiot?! When's the last time you saw a damn bear in Scranton?
Dwight: Last year, idiot.

Dwight: [Interrupting Jim and Pam's kiss in the parking lot] You're back.
Pam: Uh, yeah.
Dwight: Good. [hands Pam a stack of papers] I need you to make five copies of these.
Pam: I'm not going inside.
Dwight: Alright, first thing in the morning then.
Jim: [to Pam] Welcome back.

Dwight: [reading Michael's recommendation letter] "To whom it may concern." Good, real personal. Thanks Michael. "The dictionary defines superlative as: of the highest kind, quality, or order, surpassing all else, or others. Supreme." That's great. If I wanted the dictionary definition, I'd buy a dictionary. "I define it as Dwight Schrute. As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man, and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order. Supreme." [holding back tears] Lots more like that, really repetitive. What's this? [pulls out a small card from the envelope and reads it] "Two forty five, behind the building. Paintball." Oooh yeah.

Dwight: [to Angela] I just wanna be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.

Dwight: [to Toby] You said we could come to you if we had any questions... Where is the clitoris? On the website it said "at the crest of the labia." What does that mean? ...What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: [talking head] Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Dwight: All cases are solved with logic. The only logical way to find out if Donna is a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm, then call Michael and tell him the sad news.

Dwight: All that singing got in the way of some perfectly good murders.

Dwight: Are you trying to hurt my feelings? Because if so, you are succeeding. Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.