Penny: So, I hear you and the Lost Boys are having a Bachelor Party tonight.
Leonard: Yeah, just going to a restaurant. Get some steaks, some Scotch. You've nothing to worry about.
Penny: Why should I worry?
Leonard: I don't know, it's a bachelor party. There could be strippers. Won't that make you a little jealous?
Penny: Come on Leonard. It's you. What's gonna happen? I mean, even if there was a stripper, all you'd do is avoid eye contact and maybe offer to help her kid with his homework.

Penny: So, what do you say, Sheldon? Are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No. The X-Men were named for the "X" in Charles Xavier. Since I'm Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
Howard: Oh, that's not a good name.

Penny: So, you know, isn't there maybe some way you and Sheldon could compromise on this whole presentation thing?
Leonard: No. Scientists do not compromise. Our minds are trained to synthesize facts and come to inarguable conclusions. Not to mention Sheldon is bat-crap crazy.

Penny: That was a really nice dinner. I'm glad you asked me out again.
Leonard: Me too. I missed you.
Penny: You see me all the time. Are you sure you just don't miss the sex?
Leonard: Well, yeah. Sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
Penny: I have. You are... not wrong. [pauses] I just think if we're gonna try dating again, we should take things slow.
Leonard: Oh, I can take it slow. Have I ever told you about my first girlfriend in high school, Karen Berberick? To this day, she doesn't know we were going out. Made it easier on her when I broke things off.
Penny: Okay, well maybe not THAT slow.
Leonard: How about this? Are you familiar with the typical development for computer software?
Penny: Yup, just for fun, let's say I'm not.
Leonard: Before an application is released, they give it a trial run. We could do that. If we hit a rough spot, instead of getting mad, let's say, hey, we found a bug and report it so it can be fixed.
Penny: You mean like a Beta test?
Leonard: Technically, this would be an Alpha test. A Beta test requires the people that weren't involved in the development of the app...
Penny: Seriously, do I not get credit for knowing Beta test?

Penny: We should have never slept together. It's what ruins friendships.
Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Penny: Well, here we are.
Sheldon: Oh my, we're at Stan Lee's front door.
Penny: Yep.
Sheldon: First we were at Stan Lee's curb, than we were at Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door. We're going to have milk and cookies with Stan Lee. [Penny rings the doorbell]
Penny: Okay, sweetie I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi so let me do the talking and... [Stan Lee comes out]
Stan Lee: Yeah?
Penny: Are you Stan Lee?
Stan Lee: Aw, crap.
Penny: Hi, I'm Penny and this is my friend Sheldon...
Sheldon: We're not friends at the moment. It depends on how this goes.
Penny: Anyway,Sheldon is a huge fan and he was supposed to be at your signing but he kind of, ended up in jail, so we got your address and...
Stan Lee: Wait, so you just decided to come to my house, uninvited?
Sheldon: You said we were invited.
Penny: No Sheldon, I said, I'm inviting you to come with me to Stan Lee's house.
Stan Lee: You know, you fan boys are unbelievable. You think you can just ring by doorbell anytime you want? [Sarcastically] I mean why don't you just come in and watch the Lakers game with me?
Sheldon: [comes inside] Alright, but I'm not a very much of a sports fan.

Penny: Well, I would ask you guys if you want dessert, but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays, and even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me. Howard won't order anything, but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment involving the words "pie" or "cheesecake", and Leonard is lactose intolerant, so he can't eat anything here without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
Leonard: Hang on a second. I could have the fruit platter.
Penny: You want the fruit platter?
Leonard: Does it have melon on it?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: No, I can't eat melon.

Penny: What about Howard and Raj, how did [Sheldon] become friends with them?
Leonard: I don't know...how do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
Penny: Well yeah sure, when you put it that way.

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: "Who's Adam West"!? Leonard, what do the two of you talk about after the coitus?
Howard: My guess is "Hey, four minutes! New record!"

Penny: You know, I gotta ask; why didn't you just get a license at 16 like everybody else?
Sheldon: I was otherwise engaged.
Penny: Doing what?
Sheldon: Examining perturbative amplitudes in N = 4 Supersymmetric Theories, leading to a re-examination of the ultraviolet properties of Multi-loop N = 8 Supergravity using modern Twistor Theory.
Penny: Well, how about when you were 17?

Penny: You wanna talk about crazy mothers, Leonard's mom wouldn't give him any sort of approval growing up.
Priya: Oh the poor thing.
Penny: It makes him desperate to please women. That's where the foreplay goes on and on.
Priya: It does, doesn't it.
Penny: It's like he's trying to win a prize. Oh, word of advice, do not doze off, you'll never hear the end of it.
(They walk past the bio-hazard room not noticing Sheldon is being restrained by doctors for being exposed to the illness in the room)

Priya: Leonard, wake up.
Leonard: Huh? Huh, jus', sorry.
Priya: What for?
Leonard: I don't know. When I'm in bed with a girl, that's just my go-to response.

Raj: [After Sheldon offers him a job] Please don't take this the wrong way, but I would rather swim butt-naked across the Ganges with a paper cut on my nipple, and then die a slow agonizing death from viral infection, than work with you.
Sheldon: For me.

Raj: [teaching Sheldon how to calm himself with meditation] OK, Sheldon, imagine the place you feel most at home. Where is that?
Sheldon: Sim City. In particular, the Sim city I designed--Sheldonopolis.
Raj: OK, you're in Sheldonopolis,
Sheldon: Where exactly? Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the fighting Sheldons?
Raj: Whatever you like.
Sheldon: I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.
Raj: Fine, you're in Sheldon Square.
Sheldon: Really? This time of year? It's a bit nippy.
Raj: Then put on a sweater.
Sheldon: I suppose I could run downtown and pick something up at Shel-Mart.
Raj: Yeah, whatever. Just go buy a sweater.
Sheldon: You know, the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15% discount.
Raj: You own the damn thing. Just take a freaking sweater!
Sheldon: Look, I didn't turn a profit last quarter by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.
Raj: All right. You've paid for a sweater and you're in Sheldon Square.
Sheldon: Hang on. It's a cardigan. I have to button it. [He does so] Oh no!
Raj: What now?
Sheldon: A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me! If the children can't run leave them behind! Oh, the simulated horror! [Raj leaves and slams the door. Sheldon opens his eyes] Raj? [To himself] Just as I suspected. Meditation is nothing but hokum.

Raj: [When losing an argument with Sheldon] Well, let me just tell you, if we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt!
Sheldon: English is your native language!