Amy: Are we nervous, Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence... Does the locus coeruleus usually bleed that much?
Amy: No, but your thumb does.
Sheldon: Oh dear! [faints]
Amy: Yeah, YOU'RE a biologist.

Amy: Before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl! With a posse, a boyfriend, and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things!

Amy: Hang on, Doctor C. What's vexillology?
Sheldon: Vexillology is the study of flags.
Amy: Cool. I think I just learned something!
Sheldon: Did you have fun doing it?
Amy: I'll say!
[Leonard walks into his apartment after his date with Penny]

Amy: I can stop pretending that some beautiful girl and her cute-in-the-right-light friend want to hang out with me.
Bernadette: Amy, we're really sorry.
Penny: Yeah, we feel awful.
Amy: Don't. I'm be okay. You're not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school, and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.
Penny: Oh, come on, Amy.
Amy: You don't get it. [holding a piece of brain] Look at this brain.
Penny: [getting sick] I don't really want to.
Amy: This is us. Bernadette, you're the analytical, scientific left hemisphere. Penny, you're the creative, spontaneous right hemisphere. And where's Amy? [Lays the brain on a tray, picks up a tumor with a knife and holds it up] She's right here--the sad little tumor no one wants to go dress shopping with.
Bernadette: Amy, you're not a tumor. Penny, tell her she's not a tumor.
[Penny is throwing up in a garbage can]

Amy: I don't understand. What difference does it make if Leonard goes to Wil Wheaton's party?
Penny: Wil Wheaton is Sheldon's mortal enemy.
Amy: Mortal enemy? Sheldon, I know you're a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but you really have a mortal enemy?
Sheldon: In fact, I have 61 of them. Would you like to see the list?

Amy: Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip...[pulls out of the bag...] Ohhhhhh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! [Rushes to Penny] Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.
Penny: [placing it on Amy's head] You look beautiful!
Amy: OF COURSE I DO! I'M A PRINCESS AND THIS IS MY TIARA!
[She excitedly kisses Sheldon]
Sheldon: [to Penny] You're right, the tiara was too much.

Amy: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theatre with a character like Stuart is repellant. No offense Stuart!
Stuart: None taken. Though, repellant, is kind of, kind of a strong word.
Amy: Um... sorry this causes you discomfort but based on the currently established parameters of our relationship, I can put myself in any repellant situation I want.
Stuart: Um...again...
Sheldon: Stuart please, you're being rude.
Amy: Anything else?
Sheldon: I believe, I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.
Amy: I'm listening.
Sheldon: With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.
Amy: Interesting... Now try it without the quadruple negative.
Sheldon: You're being impossible!
Amy: Hi, Stuart.
Sheldon: Fine! Amy, will you be my girlfriend?
Amy: Yes!
Sheldon: Alright, that's enough about it. Sorry to interrupt. You two enjoy your date!

Dimitri: [in Russian] Mission Control, say again, how fast is it leaking?
Howard: Leaking? What's leaking?
Dimitri: Fuel. Shh.
Mission Control: [in Russian] Not bad. We feel okay to go.
Dimitri: [in Russian] Okay, thanks Mission Control.
Howard: There's fuel leaking and we're still going to go?
Mike: Don't lose your Froot Loops, Froot Loops.
Dimitri: This happens a lot. Nine times out of ten, no problem.
Howard: What happens on the tenth time?
Dimitri: Problem.

Howard: [Waiting for Sheldon to join their Star Wars on Blu-ray night] I'm pushing play. I mean it. If we don't start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.

Howard: It's natural for Sheldon to be cranky when he has... [Howard reaches behind Sheldon and produces a quarter] a quarter in your ear!
Sheldon: Coins lodged in body-parts is not amusing. When I was young, Billy Sparks forced a Mexican Peso up my nose.
Howard: How is that not amusing?
Sheldon: It's still there. Takes me 45 minutes to get through airport security.
[Sheldon leaves the kitchen]
Howard: Look, I made Sheldon disappear, tada!
Leonard: Next time you should open with that.

Howard: Well, that's it. My orders have been rescinded. I am officially no-go to space.
Leonard: I'm sorry, Howard. But I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved you're not going.
Howard: Why?
Leonard: Come on, you were gonna go up in a rocket designed in the 1960s by the Russians.
Howard: Yeah, so?
Leonard: When was the last time you were at Best Buy and you heard someone say, "Ooh, check out this Blu-Ray player, it must be good, it was built in Russia"?

Howard: With the internet, you have the greatest advancement in the field of sex since the invention of the washcloth!

Leonard: [sarcastically, to Sheldon] You sound like you had a great night.
Sheldon: I did. How was yours?
Leonard: Not bad. I had a lot more fun with Amy than I thought I would.
Sheldon: [confused] What exactly do you mean by that?
Leonard: Well, turns out she really knows how to help a guy loosen up and have a good time��Although, truth be told, my groin is a little worse for wear.
[Short pause, and then Sheldon hits Leonard with his model train]
Leonard: OW! Why'd you do that!?
Sheldon: To send you a message. She is not for you.
Leonard: What!?
Sheldon: Not for you!

Leonard: Alright, this is one-on-one. First person to five wins. Any questions? [Sheldon raises his hand] Yes, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Five what?

Leonard: Raj, what are you doing?
Raj: I couldn't find you guys, so I bought six new friends. Three sadly are dead.