The Big Bang Theory quotes
236 total quotesZack: Wow, is that the laser? It's bitchin'.
Sheldon: [sarcastically] Yes. In 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be "bitchin'".
Zack: Well, mission accomplished.
[Sheldon looks at him in suprise and confusion]
Sheldon: [sarcastically] Yes. In 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Quantentheorie der Strahlung", his fondest hope was that the resultant device be "bitchin'".
Zack: Well, mission accomplished.
[Sheldon looks at him in suprise and confusion]
Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel: turns out that if you kill a starfish, it'll just come back to life.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
Zack: No. I'm almost sure that it was the Discovery Channel. It was a great show; they also said dolphins might be smarter than people.
Leonard: They might be smarter than some people. [Sheldon and Raj laugh; Penny is disgusted]
Zack: [oblivious] Well, maybe we can do an experiment to find out.
Sheldon: That's easy enough. We'd need a large tank of water, a hoop to jump through, and a bucket of whatever bite-size treats you find tasty.
Sheldon: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
Zack: No. I'm almost sure that it was the Discovery Channel. It was a great show; they also said dolphins might be smarter than people.
Leonard: They might be smarter than some people. [Sheldon and Raj laugh; Penny is disgusted]
Zack: [oblivious] Well, maybe we can do an experiment to find out.
Sheldon: That's easy enough. We'd need a large tank of water, a hoop to jump through, and a bucket of whatever bite-size treats you find tasty.
[ Sheldon is talking to his Spock action figure in a dream, about accidentally breaking Leonard's transporter toy]
Sheldon: What's the problem with it? I have my transporter swapped in Leonard's box, and now he won't know that his is broken. Everyone's happy.
Spock: I'm not happy.
Sheldon: But I thought where you come from, they don't have emotions.
Spock: I come from a factory in Taiwan.
Sheldon: What's the problem with it? I have my transporter swapped in Leonard's box, and now he won't know that his is broken. Everyone's happy.
Spock: I'm not happy.
Sheldon: But I thought where you come from, they don't have emotions.
Spock: I come from a factory in Taiwan.
[After his "breakup" with Amy. Sheldon is replacing her with cats]
Leonard: Okay, fine. Live with cats. Be like my Aunt Nancy. She had dozens of them. And do you know what happened after she died? They ate her.
Sheldon: You don't have to sell me on cats, Leonard. I'm already a fan.
Leonard: Okay, fine. Live with cats. Be like my Aunt Nancy. She had dozens of them. And do you know what happened after she died? They ate her.
Sheldon: You don't have to sell me on cats, Leonard. I'm already a fan.
[After Leonard asks why Penny gave him an unusually long hug]
Penny: Leonard, I don't know what to tell you; it was just a hug.
Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
Penny: OK, have a safe trip.
Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
Penny: Bye. [closes her door and sighs] It means I wish you weren't going.
Season 3
Penny: Leonard, I don't know what to tell you; it was just a hug.
Leonard: Glad we cleared that up.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: I guess I'll see you.
Penny: OK, have a safe trip.
Leonard: Thank you. Bye.
Penny: Bye. [closes her door and sighs] It means I wish you weren't going.
Season 3
[after Leonard kicked Sheldon out of the app team]
Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But, perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.
Leonard: Look, I'm still happy to drive you to work. Nothing's changed in that regard; we're still roommates, we're still friends.
Sheldon: Except you identified me, your best friend, as a gangrenous limb that needed to be severed from the organism and tossed away. A desperate act of a little man with a big Napoleon complex!
Leonard: You know what? Go put on your bus pants.
Sheldon: All right, I suppose I'll go put on my bus pants.
Leonard: What the hell are bus pants?
Sheldon: They are pants one wears over one's regular pants when one sits on bus seats that other people have previously sat on. But, perhaps from your lofty heights atop the corporate ladder, you've lost touch with the struggles of the common man.
Leonard: Look, I'm still happy to drive you to work. Nothing's changed in that regard; we're still roommates, we're still friends.
Sheldon: Except you identified me, your best friend, as a gangrenous limb that needed to be severed from the organism and tossed away. A desperate act of a little man with a big Napoleon complex!
Leonard: You know what? Go put on your bus pants.
[after scaring Sheldon with a Halloween prank]
Howard: I thought he would faint.
Raj: I thought he would pee himself.
Leonard: Looks like everyone's a winner!
Howard: I thought he would faint.
Raj: I thought he would pee himself.
Leonard: Looks like everyone's a winner!
[After the guys hear a cricket and Sheldon says its a snowy tree cricket based on the chirps]
Howard: I am willing to bet anything, that's an ordinary field cricket.
Sheldon: I can't take your money.
Howard: What's the matter? You chicken?
Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not, by nature, at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
Howard: I am willing to bet anything, that's an ordinary field cricket.
Sheldon: I can't take your money.
Howard: What's the matter? You chicken?
Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not, by nature, at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.
Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.
Sheldon: Thank God.
[After their apartment has been robbed]
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
[All watching Howard's launch on TV]
Bernadette: I love that man.
Raj: Me, too.
[Bernadette instinctively grabs Raj's hand]
Penny: I can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying.
[She grabs Leonard's hand]
Leonard: This is it.
Sheldon: Boldly go, Howard Wolowitz.
[He grabs Amy's hand which surprises Amy]
Howard: [from inside the rocket as it lifts off] Oy vay!
Season 6
Bernadette: I love that man.
Raj: Me, too.
[Bernadette instinctively grabs Raj's hand]
Penny: I can't believe it. This whole time, a small part of me thought he was lying.
[She grabs Leonard's hand]
Leonard: This is it.
Sheldon: Boldly go, Howard Wolowitz.
[He grabs Amy's hand which surprises Amy]
Howard: [from inside the rocket as it lifts off] Oy vay!
Season 6
[Amy is trying to convince Sheldon to go to a university fundraiser he has boycotted]
Amy: And consider this: without you to make the case for the physics department, the task will fall to people like Leonard and Rajesh.
Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? 'Cause you're succeeding!
Amy: Well, then, prepare to be terrified; if your friends are unconvincing, this year's donation might go to, say, the geology department.
Sheldon: Oh, dear, n- not the dirt people!
Amy: Or worse, it could go to... [leans in dramatically] the liberal arts.
Sheldon: No.
Amy: [nods] Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists and students of gender studies.
Sheldon: Oh, the humanities!
Amy: And consider this: without you to make the case for the physics department, the task will fall to people like Leonard and Rajesh.
Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? 'Cause you're succeeding!
Amy: Well, then, prepare to be terrified; if your friends are unconvincing, this year's donation might go to, say, the geology department.
Sheldon: Oh, dear, n- not the dirt people!
Amy: Or worse, it could go to... [leans in dramatically] the liberal arts.
Sheldon: No.
Amy: [nods] Millions of dollars being showered on poets, literary theorists and students of gender studies.
Sheldon: Oh, the humanities!
[Amy knocks on Penny's door, getting ready to spread a false rumor as part of an experiment]
Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. What's up?
Amy: [quickly] Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I'm thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum's the word. Gotta go. [leaves]
Penny: Oh, hey, Amy. What's up?
Amy: [quickly] Sheldon and I engaged in sexual intercourse. In other news, I'm thinking of starting an herb garden. Mum's the word. Gotta go. [leaves]
[Amy's phone rings with a text message from Bernadette, who is having dinner with Howard, Leonard, and Priya]
Amy: Hang on. [looks at her phone] It's the wildebeest. Priya just made a snide comment about your acting career.
Penny: What the hell did she say?
Amy: She thinks it's cool you're following your dream, no matter what.
Penny: [short pause] That bitch!
Amy: Hang on. [looks at her phone] It's the wildebeest. Priya just made a snide comment about your acting career.
Penny: What the hell did she say?
Amy: She thinks it's cool you're following your dream, no matter what.
Penny: [short pause] That bitch!
[at the site for Sheldon's online date]
Amy: Excuse me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler, you're Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you've been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.
Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
Amy: I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.
Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.
Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?
Amy: Tepid water, please.
Howard: [to Raj, seeing their "experiment"] Good God, what have we done?
Season 4
Amy: Excuse me. I'm Amy Farrah Fowler, you're Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler. I'm sorry to inform you that you've been taken in by unsupportable mathematics designed to prey upon the gullible and the lonely. Additionally, I am being blackmailed with a hidden dirty sock.
Amy: If that was slang, I'm unfamiliar with it. If it was literal, I share your aversion to soiled hosiery. In any case, I'm here because my mother and I have agreed that I will date at least once a year.
Sheldon: Interesting. My mother and I have the same agreement about church.
Amy: I don't object to the concept of a deity, but I'm baffled by the notion of one that takes attendance.
Sheldon: Well, then you might want to avoid East Texas.
Amy: Noted. Now, before this goes any further, you should know that all forms of physical contact up to and including coitus are off the table.
Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?
Amy: Tepid water, please.
Howard: [to Raj, seeing their "experiment"] Good God, what have we done?
Season 4
[Discussing a large box of furniture which they have to take to the fourth floor, with the elevator out of order]
Leonard: Well, we'll just have to take it up ourselves.
Sheldon: I hardly think so.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.
Leonard: We don't need strength, we're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a lever and a fulcrum and I could lift the earth.
[The package starts falling on him]
Leonard: I don't have this! I don't have this! I DON'T HAVE THIS!
[Sheldon lifts the package off him]
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.
Leonard: Well, do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yeah, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a power ring.
Leonard: Well, we'll just have to take it up ourselves.
Sheldon: I hardly think so.
Leonard: Why not?
Sheldon: Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.
Leonard: We don't need strength, we're physicists. We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes. Give me a lever and a fulcrum and I could lift the earth.
[The package starts falling on him]
Leonard: I don't have this! I don't have this! I DON'T HAVE THIS!
[Sheldon lifts the package off him]
Sheldon: Archimedes would be so proud.
Leonard: Well, do you have any ideas?
Sheldon: Yeah, but they all involve a Green Lantern and a power ring.