Sheldon: I found the Grinch to be a relatable and engaging character, and I was really with him right up the point that he succumbed to social convention and returned the presents and saved Christmas. What a buzzkill that was.
Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on Earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen supernatural ephemera and a stolen hat--a crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.
Leonard: (singing) Fa-la-la-la la-la-la-la!

Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should've gotten a lawyer.

Sheldon: I help the weak. It's yet another way I'm exactly like Batman.

Sheldon: I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her PhD.
Amy: It's indeed admirable. Although, it is microbiology.
Sheldon: Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.
Amy: I'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony. Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Lite.

Sheldon: I must say, I am shocked by this betrayal.
Leonard: I didn't betray Penny.
Sheldon: Not Penny, me!
Leonard: How am I betraying you?
Sheldon: Elizabeth's my friend, and you're playing with her!
[Storms off to his room]
Leonard: Yeah, I guess I did.

Sheldon: I must say, I was surprised you chose to spend our Date Night in your apartment. As I mentioned, the Pasadena City Council is debating longer crosswalk times, and later the Lego store is having a Midnight Madness Sale. You ask anyone, that's a hot date.
Amy: Tempting choices but, I have something special planned for tonight.
Sheldon: What can be more special than having an adequate amount of time to cross the street on your way to buy a tiny Lego Indiana Jones?
Amy: With our friends moving forward in their relationships, I have decided that we should make progress in ours as well.
Sheldon: Dear Lord! Two years ago we didn't even know each other. And now, I'm in your apartment after dark. How much faster can this thing go?
Amy: I had a feeling you'd be reluctant which is why I'm going to dip into my neurobiological bag of tricks.
Sheldon: Oh! You brain monkeys kill me. Dip away!
Amy: I've devised an experiment that I believe will increase your feelings for me, in an accelerated time frame.
Sheldon: Well, how do you propose to do that? I hope you're not thinking about some sort of LSD thought control. Because there's only one mind-expanding drug that this man enjoys, and that's called school.
Amy: Human beings form emotional attachments as they grow up. In your case, to your mother, superheroes, etc. I'm going to attempt an experiment that will get you to transfer those feelings to me.
Sheldon: Well, seems what's on the menu tonight is malarkey, with a big side of poppycock.
Amy: We'll see. Let's start with a little romantic dinner music, shall we? [turns on the music]
Sheldon: Super Mario Bros. theme?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: I see what you're doing. You're attempting to build on the work of Ebbinghaus by triggering an involuntary memory of me playing that game. Admittedly the happiest 600 hours of my childhood. But it won't work! [Starts to hum music.]
Amy: May I offer you something to drink?
Sheldon: You know I don't drink.
Amy: Not even, strawberry Quik?
Sheldon: I love strawberry Quik. It's my favorite pink fluid. Narrowly beating out Pepto-Bismol.
Amy: Oh, I know. I think it will go nicely with what I have prepared for dinner.
Sheldon: Spaghetti with little pieces of hot dog cut up in it!
Amy: Just like your mommy used to make.
Sheldon: Oh! Yummy yummy! We should do this more often. [Realizes something] Uh-oh! [Amy beams]

Sheldon: I see no large upcoming expenditures, unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with Adamantium like Wolverine.
Penny: Are they working on that?
Sheldon: I sincerely hope so.

Sheldon: I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?
[Raj and Howard chuckle]
Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?
...
Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood?
[Raj and Howard snicker]
Sheldon: Oh, come on. I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?

Sheldon: I was analyzing our lie, and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: Simple: If she were to log onto www dot socialphysicsgroup dot org forward slash activities forward slash other, click on "Upcoming Events", scroll down to "Seminars", download the PDF schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire.

Sheldon: I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder.

Sheldon: I'll have a Diet Coke.
Penny: OK, will you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine, I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's, um, Rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: So, Coke.
Sheldon: Yes. And would you make it Diet?
Penny: [sighs] There's a can in the fridge.
Sheldon: A Cuba Libre generally comes in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
Penny: Then swim to Cuba.
Sheldon: Bartenders are supposed to have people skills.

Sheldon: I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.
Penny: Who's Radiohead?
Sheldon: [after twitching for a moment] I have a working knowledge of the important things.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.
Leonard: Well, I wanna watch it now.
Sheldon: Then I believe we've arrived at another quintissential 'Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock' moment.
[Sheldon holds up his fist in preparation to play]
Leonard: Watch whatever you want. [gives Sheldon the remote]
Raj: I saw what you did there.
Sheldon: [confused] What'd I do?

Sheldon: I'm uncomfortable having been included in your lie to Penny.
Leonard: What was I supposed to say?
Sheldon: You could have told her the truth.
Leonard: That would have hurt her feelings.
Sheldon: Is that a relevant factor?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Then I suppose you could have agreed to go.
Leonard: And what would I have said afterwards?
Sheldon: I would suggest something to the effect of, "Singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor avocation for you, and if you disagree, I'd recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain.
Leonard: I couldn't say that. I would have to say, "You were terrific and I can't wait to hear you sing again."
Sheldon: Why?
Leonard: That's the social protocol. It's what you do when you have a friend who's proud of something they really suck at.
Sheldon: I was not aware of that.
Leonard: Now you are.
Sheldon: Oh. All right. Leonard?
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again.

Sheldon: I've spent the last 3 hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom and I need your help.
Stuart: Oh yeah, those guys can be very stubborn, what's the topic?
Sheldon: I am asserting: in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, the original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor the Batcowl.
Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: "More wrong"? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is; it's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.