The Big Bang Theory quotes
236 total quotesSheldon: Alright. An 8.2 magnitude earthquake devastates Pasadena, reducing minor edifices to dust, engulfing the city in flames, the streets flow with blood and echo with the cries of the wounded. Oh, excellent choice!
Sheldon: Anyway, the housekeeper in the faculty residence didn't speak any English. When I finally managed to convince her I was sick, she said, "Möchtest du eine Darmspülung?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"
Penny: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Based on what happened next, I assume it means, "Would you like an enema?"
Sheldon: Are you saying that you want to invoke Clause 209? Clause 209 suspends our friendship.
Leonard: Where do I sign?
Leonard: Where do I sign?
Sheldon: At this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team, and destroy the molecular bonds that bind your very matter together, and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears.
Leonard: Thanks for the heads up.
Sheldon: You're welcome. [starts to leave] One more thing.
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: It's on, bitch.
Leonard: Thanks for the heads up.
Sheldon: You're welcome. [starts to leave] One more thing.
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: It's on, bitch.
Sheldon: Attention all bowlers! I've taken the liberty of having these made for our rematch! [holds up a bowling shirt that reads "Wesley Crushers"]
Penny: The Wesley Crushers?
Sheldon: No, not the Wesley Crushers, the Wesley Crushers.
Penny: I don't get it.
Leonard: Wesley Crusher was Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.
Penny: Still don't get it.
Sheldon: It's a blindingly clever play on words. By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, we imply that we will be the crushers of Wesley.
Penny: OK, I'm sorry honey, but the "Wesley Crushers" sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley Crusher.
Sheldon: No! Again, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers.
Howard: If you wanted to mean you're crushing Wesley, it'd be the Wesley Crushers.
Sheldon: Do you people even hear yourselves? It's not the Wesley Crushers, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers!
Wil Wheaton: [enters with his bowling team] Hey look! They named their team after me!
Penny: The Wesley Crushers?
Sheldon: No, not the Wesley Crushers, the Wesley Crushers.
Penny: I don't get it.
Leonard: Wesley Crusher was Wil Wheaton's character on Star Trek.
Penny: Still don't get it.
Sheldon: It's a blindingly clever play on words. By appropriating his character's name and adding the S, we imply that we will be the crushers of Wesley.
Penny: OK, I'm sorry honey, but the "Wesley Crushers" sounds like a bunch of people who like Wesley Crusher.
Sheldon: No! Again, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers.
Howard: If you wanted to mean you're crushing Wesley, it'd be the Wesley Crushers.
Sheldon: Do you people even hear yourselves? It's not the Wesley Crushers, it's not the Wesley Crushers, it's the Wesley Crushers!
Wil Wheaton: [enters with his bowling team] Hey look! They named their team after me!
Sheldon: Checkmate.
Leonard: Argh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be more your speed.
Leonard: Argh, again?
Sheldon: Obviously you're not well-suited for three-dimensional chess. Perhaps three-dimensional Candyland would be more your speed.
Sheldon: Congratulations, the Newcomb Medal...Oh, please. That's a scientific equivalent of a smiley face sticker on your homework.
Raj: Hey! I won a Newcomb Medal, too.
Sheldon: My point.
Raj: Hey! I won a Newcomb Medal, too.
Sheldon: My point.
Sheldon: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
Leonard: Apparently so.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: All right, then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening?
Leonard: When did pick up on that?
Sheldon: A moment ago when you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode.
Leonard: Apparently so.
Sheldon: Are you ill?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: All right, then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening?
Leonard: When did pick up on that?
Sheldon: A moment ago when you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode.
Sheldon: Engineering--where the semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello Oompa-Loompas of science.
Sheldon: Explain the couch.
Leonard: Well, there were some people on the first floor moving out, and they sold it to me for $100. Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
Sheldon: But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
Leonard: They're lawn chairs. And there was no place for company.
Sheldon: Did it occur to you that was by design?
Leonard: Well, there were some people on the first floor moving out, and they sold it to me for $100. Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
Sheldon: But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
Leonard: They're lawn chairs. And there was no place for company.
Sheldon: Did it occur to you that was by design?
Sheldon: Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night?
Leonard: Oh come on! Sheldon, we don't ask questions like that.
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over! How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.
Leonard: Oh come on! Sheldon, we don't ask questions like that.
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over! How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.
Sheldon: Good news. I finally have a handle on my idea for 3-person chess.
Leonard: That is good news. Bye. [starts to leave]
Sheldon: Do you know how I solved the balanced center combat-area problem? Five words: transitional quadrilateral to triangular tesselation.
Leonard: That��that's brilliant.
Sheldon: It's what I do.
Leonard: That is good news. Bye. [starts to leave]
Sheldon: Do you know how I solved the balanced center combat-area problem? Five words: transitional quadrilateral to triangular tesselation.
Leonard: That��that's brilliant.
Sheldon: It's what I do.
Sheldon: I always thought if I were enslaved, it would be by an advanced species from another planet. Not some hotsie-totsie from Glendale.