Shawn: Gus and I never know when to throw in the towel.
Gus: We're always ready for the next round.
Shawn: Ring the bell.
Gus: Ding, ding.

Shawn: Gus, don't be both Ashlee Simpson albums.
Gus: There were three Ashlee Simpson albums.
Shawn: That can't possibly be true.
Gus: Autobiography, Bittersweet--
Shawn: I will not do this with you right now!

Shawn: Gus, don't be the only black lead on a major cable network.

Shawn: Holy crap, are you checking your email?
Gus: I get productive when I'm nervous.

Shawn: I just want to beat Gus and Lassiter!
Juliet: And catch the killer?
Shawn: Yeah sure, if that's what it takes.

Shawn: I'm having a clear vision on a cloudy day.

Shawn: I'm just getting started, you giant cockroach. You know what? That was out of line. I apologize to cockroaches everywhere, especially Jiminy Cricket, although for the first time in thirty years, it occurs to me... he might be a cricket.
Gus: Of course he's a cricket.

Shawn: I'm not a palm reader, I'm a psychic.
Boone: What you are is 172 pounds of we don't give a damn.

Shawn: I'm Shawn and this is my associate, M. C. Clap Your Handz. [Gus claps his hands.]
Gus: With a Z.

Shawn: I'm the cream in a crying sandwich.

Shawn: Ken!
Ken: No way.
Shawn: Yes way... in a big way. Can I have your keys?
Ken: What?
Shawn: I just saw a guy get killed.
Ken: Where?
Shawn: In the murder room at the haunted house.
Ken: Isn't that what's suppose to happen?
Shawn: Real guy, real murder.
Ken: Did you tell anyone?
Shawn: We told Carol. But she was so busy texting with Bad Grammar Todd that she didn't care.
Gus: Will you let that go?
Shawn: "Bitchin'", Gus. "Bit-Chin". It's the only word I insist people get right. Otherwise, you're saying it's bichin which is chinese for "too much face". Isn't that right, Ken?
Ken: Seriously, dude. I already told you last time: six words. Now why don't you just go tell somebody else?
Shawn: We're telling you, Ken, and you wanna know why? Because it's high time we got the team back together, man. This is the type of big money case that will allow us to hire back our best Asian assistant ever. 3 Ninjas, Mega Mountain, reunited and it feels... so good.
Ken: I like that song.

Shawn: Labradoodle!
Gus: Where?

Shawn: Let's go see our favorite weirdo.

Shawn: Look Gus, he's literally taking her to the bank.
Gus: What's next, the cleaners? [point at each other]

Shawn: Look, there's a reason those books have sold almost 30 million copies, Gus.
Gus: Mostly to teenaged girls.
Shawn: And adult males who enjoy reading stories about vampire doctors and their disfunctional dating lives. You're one to talk, Mister "I bought Win a Date With Tad Hamilton on DVD.
Gus: There were 15 deleted scenes, Shawn. Fifteen!