Psych quotes

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Bad Guy: But know this: one stupid move, and I've got more than enough plastic bags for your body parts.
Shawn: Note to self: call Hefty with commercial idea.

Chief Vick: I don't mean to sound like a hard ass...
Juliet: You didn't!
Chief Vick: I did.
Juliet: I didn't get that at all.
Chief Vick: Actually I was trying to sound like a hard ass.
Juliet: Mission accomplished!

Gus: [grabbing his cell phone] I'm out of here. I'm calling a cab.
Sheriff Mendel: Well, those things don't work out here. We got no TVs, no radio, no refrigerators.
Gus: Sounds like prison. Except they have all those things.

Gus: Do you think it could be PTSD?
Shawn: I think it's slightly more serious than a mere menstrual issue.

Gus: I still smell like stinky nuts!
Shawn: Gus, we don't have four hours to riff on that.

Gus: I want you to call me "Guts".
Shawn: We all call you that.
Gus: No, Guts, Shawn.
Shawn: What? What are you saying?
Gus: Guts.
Shawn: You're saying "guts"?
Gus: Yes.
Shawn: That's too close to "Gus".
Gus: Never mind; call me "Old Ironside".
Shawn: Michael Ironside?
Gus: Old Iron Stomach, that's me.

Gus: I've seen it all.
Shawn: You've seen it all though the cracks in your fingers while you were hiding your eyes.

Gus: So there's really a Yin to her Yang.
Yang: If you think I'm sick, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Gus: The thing is, I have something big to tell you.
Shawn: You know you can say anything to me, Gus. We've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.
Gus: I have a secret girlfriend.
Shawn: You're dead to me.

Gus: Yeah, and Skip here has romantic dreams about firemen that look like Dolph Lundgren.
Shawn: [laughing] What?! I... you cheeky screwball. What I tell you? He's wacko.
Gus: No. You said it was late and you were in the fire house and you slid down this large pole...
Shawn: Why? Why?

Hank: Hell, I wasn't even gonna call you out here but Binky insisted.
Gus: Binky?
Hank: Oh. You don't call him Binky?
Shawn: We do now!
Lassiter: Sheriff Hank, why don't you tell the boys here what the problem been here.
Hank: Well, it started out as simple vandalism. Somebody's been stealing our wood from sidewalks, buildings, fence posts.
Shawn: Wood thieves. My first instinct is beavers, but I'm not willing to rule out those pesky Keebler elves.

Henry: [about an army commercial] Look at all the stuff they're getting done while you're lying there slacking off. What does that make you want to do?
Young Shawn: Go into advertising. That's a really catchy jingle. Seriously, I can't get it out of my head.

Henry: [to Lassiter] Well, come on, Mr. Viability.
Lassiter: There was a pretty good chance I was bitten by a tick back there... I could be going through the beginning stages of Lyme disease.
Henry: Oh man up.
Lassiter: You're juicing, aren't you? I knew it.

Henry: How do you escape when you're locked in the trunk of a car?
Young Shawn: When? Don't you mean "if" as in like maybe never?
Henry: Not today, kid; your survival training starts right now. [throws Shawn into trunk of his car as their neighbor walks by and looks scandalized] It's okay, Mrs. Nusbaum, everything's fine; got the keys right here, just teaching Shawn a little survival technique, thank you. All right, Shawn. Here's what you want to do. You want to feel for the brake light. You feel it, it's right over here. You would kick it out. [Shawn kicks out the taillight] I didn't say to actually do it, I said you would do it.

Henry: I saw the shooting on television, I been trying to call your cell phone. It keeps going to voicemail. I been worried to death.
Shawn: I... forgot to turn on my phone.
Henry: Gus, let me ask you something. What was the very first thing you did right after the shooting?
Gus: I called my folks to tell them I was okay.
Henry: And what's the first thing he did?
Gus: He ate a banana.
Henry: [to Shawn] You ate a banana?!
Shawn: I sure I did. You know why? Because it makes me think of you, because you're my big old papa monkey.