Psych quotes

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Season 1
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Shawn: Right, I'd never seen a girl lie about entering the witness protection program.
Gus: She wasn't lying, Shawn.
Shawn: Gus, I saw her at Starbucks.
Gus: You can't be sure of that.
Shawn: She was wearing a name tag, she had a plaque on the wall. Employee of the Month. Her hobbies were hiding, and lying about hiding.

Shawn: Shh...I can't hear them if you're talking Berger.

Shawn: Simba, I am your father.
Gus: I don't think Mufasa has ever said that
Shawn: Mufasa, Vader, I'm Not Rappaport, it's all James Earl Jones.

Shawn: The cat is not my new partner, Gus; don't be ridiculous.
Gus: Then tell me again why the cat gets to ride shotgun?

Shawn: The chips say you're a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater!

Shawn: This is a great plan! Camden McCallum deserves to be commended.
Gus: Maybe you should date him too!
Shawn: Maybe I will!

Shawn: This place is trashed.
Gus: Maybe Johnny Depp stopped by.
Shawn: I'm sorry, did that joke just arrive in a time machine from 1992?

Shawn: Wait, was this the movie you dragged me to where the hero had big nipples on the outside of his costume?
Hiltz Kooler: [quietly] Damn those nipples!
Shawn: [chuckles] They were like big, angry marshmallows!

Shawn: We find the mystery lover, we find her.
Gus: Dude. Why don't I ever get to say things like that?

Shawn: What is that?
Henry: What?
Shawn: Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!
Henry: Whatever, Shawn. All I know is when I varnish my boat and I don't want it to streak, I sand off a layer first. Same thing goes with tanning.
Shawn: That is the single most disturbing analogy I've ever heard in my entire life.

Shawn: Why kill Sally? She's hot, they're friends.

Shawn: Why you dirty, filthy rascal with the suede, suede head.

Vick: My water just broke.
Lassiter: Are you sure?
Vick: No, Carlton, there's water spilling out of me for some other reason!
Lassiter: Oh no... Oh, can you move my briefcase?

[About Shawn's private eye license]
Henry: What about your license?
Shawn: Oh, you mean my pilot's license? That's out back in the Cessna. Or perhaps you're refering to my license to kill. Revoked. Trouble at the Kazakhstan border. I could give you the details but then I'd have to kill you, which I can't do because my license to kill has been revoked.

[Lassiter grabs Shawn by the collar and leads him into the hall]
Shawn: You know, if this is some sort of hazing ritual and we're gonna end up naked in a field, I'll need to arrange for a ride first.
Lassiter: Spencer, if I see you anywhere near this case, I'll throw every book I can find at you.
Shawn: Oh yeah? And what if you find the Bible? Are you gonna throw that too? Seems a little sacrilegious to me don't you think?