Gus: When I asked her her name, Shawn, she said, "My name--"
[Shawn cuts in with a high pitched voice]
Shawn: "My name is Wilting Flower, I died without knowing love. Will you be my friend?"
Gus: H-how did you know that? I never told that to anyone before!
Shawn: I was Wilting Flower! Gus! I can't believe you fell for that!

Gus: Where's Leiber?
Juliet: Gone. Looks like he's on the lam.
Shawn: If he's on a lamb, he won't get far. Alpaca, different story. Those things really fly.

Gus: Why are you singing Lassiter's danger music?
Shawn: It's catchy.

Gus: Yeah, and Skip here has romantic dreams about firemen that look like Dolph Lundgren.
Shawn: [laughing] What?! I... you cheeky screwball. What I tell you? He's wacko.
Gus: No. You said it was late and you were in the fire house and you slid down this large pole...
Shawn: Why? Why?

Gus: You can talk all you want, but facts and logic will win out this time.
Shawn: Facts and logic are in the corner of the guy who thinks he's going to get his face melted off?

Gus: You can't get Indian blood from working in a casino, Shawn.
Shawn: Maybe you can't.

Gus: You don't smell that?
Shawn: I don't smell anything.
Gus: That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!
Shawn: Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to nickname a body part, nickname your butt, man. Call it the Tight-Bouncer or the Hexagon. Ladies are gonna dig that.Bold text

Gus: You know what they do on those massage tables? They massage men. Big, hairy, men. Let me be very clear: these hands are not touching anybody. I only use these hands to touch myself. ...Let me rephrase that.
Shawn: Please stop speaking. And no more fist bumps for the rest of the day.

Gus: You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."
Shawn: First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!

Gus: You're dating a murderer!
Shawn: Not exclusively.

Gus: You're not coming in? You're gonna make me stand in that deposit line all by myself?
Shawn: Nope buddy, I will be with you in spirit like a tiny wood nymph. Besides, what's your glitch with the ATM machine anyway?
Gus: It's a people thing Shawn. Business should always be done face to face.
Shawn: Well, if you remember, I'm holding a bit of a grudge against this particular banking institution.
Gus: Why? Because they turned you down for a small business loan last year?
Shawn: Yes because they turned me down for a small business loan that was completely legitimate, Gus.
Gus: Shawn, it was for a zip line pulley system to transport snacks from the kitchen to your desk.
Shawn: Or the reception area. What's your point?
Gus: Part of a running a business together Shawn, is sharing in the responsibilities of the business side of the business. Like making deposits.
Shawn: What about the bidness side because I feel like I'm more of a bidness man. Who's covering that?
Gus: You know what? Fine. I'll do it myself.

Gus: [mocking Shawn after his phone is muted] Look at me, look at me, I love my hair! I can make obscure '80s references that nobody understands. Laugh at me, ha ha ha! Hey, know something about me? I have a motorcycle, but I never seem to be riding it!
Season 3

Hank: Hell, I wasn't even gonna call you out here but Binky insisted.
Gus: Binky?
Hank: Oh. You don't call him Binky?
Shawn: We do now!
Lassiter: Sheriff Hank, why don't you tell the boys here what the problem been here.
Hank: Well, it started out as simple vandalism. Somebody's been stealing our wood from sidewalks, buildings, fence posts.
Shawn: Wood thieves. My first instinct is beavers, but I'm not willing to rule out those pesky Keebler elves.

Henry Spencer: Shawn, I've been worried about you since you turned three and started eating your own toenails.

Henry: Oh, Shawn, what have I told you a thousand times before?
Young Shawn: Don't hide Gus in the pantry?
Henry: That lies always lead to more lies. Now, go to your room.
Young Shawn: I don't know where that is.
Henry: SHAWN!!!
Young Shawn: Who's Shawn?