Shawn: Well, I'm tight with Chris, and [Gus] loves Dickie.
Gus: What?!?

Shawn: What about me fellas? I'm not having any psychic visions, or flashbacks or recreation flashbacks OR recreation flashbacks with new psychic visions. Imagine you weren't just a bland, gangly average human, that you could wink at someone and-and-and light up their world! That you could make a child THINK you have given them an ice cream cone without giving them the cone! And then watch them skip off into a beautiful meadow licking nothing but air! Imagine that! Imagine that you had a special gift, a sixth sense and someone or something comes along and RIPS it away from you! IMAGINE THAT, JACK!

Shawn: What are you, the Great Gatsby? Going to do a little swan-watching with Daisy Buchanan later?
Gus: Wow, how did you come up with that one?
Shawn: Eighth grade summer reading, whaaaat.

Shawn: What else did he say?
Gus: He did say he's been getting strength through a particular proverb...
Shawn: Alright, fine, let's do a quick list: 'You can't teach an old dogs new tricks', 'A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush', 'If it's brown flush it down...'

Shawn: What is that?
Henry: What?
Shawn: Exfoliating scrub, with pumice!
Henry: Whatever, Shawn. All I know is when I varnish my boat and I don't want it to streak, I sand off a layer first. Same thing goes with tanning.
Shawn: That is the single most disturbing analogy I've ever heard in my entire life.

Shawn: What's your point, man?
Gus: My point is you're going to be eighty years old and still shamelessly hitting on waitresses. Is that what you want?
Shawn: Is that a trick question?

Shawn: Where do I get a juice box and does it come in grapalicious.

Shawn: Where'd you get that suit, the toilet store?

Shawn: Why kill Sally? She's hot, they're friends.

Shawn: Why you dirty, filthy rascal with the suede, suede head.

Shawn: You cannot sit here alone in the dark in a parked car. You'll get picked up for mopery.
Gus: Mopery?
Shawn: With intent to creep. Trust me, it'll kick a big hole in your future.

Shawn: You do realize this is the ending to True Romance?
Gus: That was a massacre, Shawn. Everybody died!
Shawn: That's not true. Christian Slater and Patty Arquette made it out alright.
Dickie: And Michael Rappaport!
Shawn: Good point, Dickie. I forgot about that.

Shawn: You just pressed my competitive button and now it's on.
Prescott: I'd be frightened if you were wearing any buttons.

Shawn: You know I'm not really a regular person, right Phil?
Phil: What does that mean?
Shawn: 'Cause I tried once and failed. I'm just too unique and interesting. The French call it "du fromage," which, roughly translated, means "of cheese."

Shawn: You said it was important. [surveying Henry's tight black turtleneck] Clearly, you're about to shoot an Old Spice commercial.