Shawn: My God! Did you see who that was?
Gus: It's hard to see anything with someone's knee in your eye!
Shawn: It's your own knee!

Shawn: My name is Shawn Spencer. This is my partner--
Snoden: Burton Guster! Or should I say "Gee Buttersnaps" or "Lavender Goons" or "Clementine Woolysocks" perhaps?
Shawn: Wow! You are a fan!
Gus: Or a crazy stalker. "Gee Buttersnaps" was said on a secure military base with no one else around.

Shawn: My name is Shawn Spencer; this is my partner... I can't believe I'm blanking, I've done this a million times.

Shawn: My name is Shwan. This is my partner, Scoony "U-Turn" Singleton
[Gus draws a uppercase "U" with his fingers]

Shawn: My results speak for themselves; you just hold me to a different standard!
Henry: I do not!
Shawn: You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
Henry: And I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Shawn: Yeah, under a camouflage tarp covered in bricks and broken glass!
Henry: That was the giveaway! Pardon me for trying to challenge you!
Shawn: It took me three weeks to "close the egg investigation". I was eight!
Henry: Yeah, well, just so you know, there are still two eggs you haven't found.
Shawn: You're sick!

Shawn: No, no, Mr. Clayton! Open your eyes!
Gus: Watch out, Shawn! I know what to do. Mr. Clayton! Mr. Clayton! What interesting sectors do you see outperforming the market this year?

Shawn: Of course we'll help you. You're like our brother.
Gus: [winces] eh.
Shawn: Stepbrother?
Gus: [winces] eh.
Shawn: Weird kid who lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonnaise on Saltines?

Shawn: Oh my God. Are you in the vault of secrets right now?
Gus: No.
Shawn: You are! It's settled, I'm helping.
Gus: You're not helping. Period. Suck it!

Shawn: Oh my God. This isn't a joke. You're really quitting Psych?
Gus: I am so sorry, Shawn.
Shawn: In a text message, no less?!

Shawn: Oh my gosh! You disgust me! You make me sick to my face.

Shawn: Oh Sheriff. Didn't expect to see you here.
Sheriff Andrew Jackson: I live here. What do you mean?
Shawn: Of course you do. You're Randy's father. Yes, wow. You guys have Bob Barker, Doc Gooden, and Randy Jackson, all living in the same inlet town with no cars, cell phones, or internet.
Gus: Shawn, we need to pitch this to Mark Burnett!

Shawn: Oh, God. Oh, Dude, it reeks in here!
Tony Cox: Like Bigfoot's ass.

Shawn: Okay, just go with me here for a second. I know this is gonna sound crazy but what I'm thinking is we don't go to opening night of Scare Fest. We go next week maybe sometime in the afternoon when its not crowded at all.
Gus: Are you kidding? I spent the entire week finishing my route early. I took a vacation day.
Shawn: Oh no, Gus, why would you do that?
Gus: You asked me to.
Shawn: When?
Gus: The day they announced that they having Scare Fest again.
Shawn: I don't recall that.
Gus: I have your speech as a video file on my Blackberry, Shawn.
Shawn: All right, okay, enough with all the technology. Look, the truth is it's my horoscope: it says I should avoid places with urinal troughs and I just don't feel I can take the risk right now. I'm sure you understand. [Gus sobs quietly]
Shawn: Are you crying?
Gus: I'm disappointed, Shawn.
Shawn: God. [Gus continues to sob]

Shawn: Pack it in, pull the plug, shut it down, leave the dead meat in the freezer, and put on your Sunday best ��cause its Arbor Day, baby!
(holding a poker chip to each ear)

Shawn: Queen Nerfertitty.
Juliet: Nefertiti.
Shawn: I've heard it both ways.