Shawn: If I were just some average guy with no super powers I'd say [muttering dumbly] "I dunno; why are you asking me?" But as the head psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department I say "I don't know. Why are you asking me?"

Shawn: Independent contractor, does that mean she was a...
Gus: A hit woman? Yes.
Shawn: So I probably shouldn't...
Gus: Yes, don't even think about it.

Shawn: Is she still mad about me requisitioning the segway
Juliet: You did that?
Shawn: No....

Shawn: Is that hot chocolate?
Haversham: It's Dutch cocoa. Hadewych makes a pot for me each night before she leaves.
Shawn: I see. Mr. Haversham, in order to fully understand the connection that you have with this ghost, I will need to see what you see. Wear what you wear. Drink what you drink.
Haversham: You're saying you'd like some hot chocolate?
Shawn: With marshmallows, please.

Shawn: It's a chance to go undercover in high school, a la 21 Jump Street? Obviously, I'm Johnny Depp; sadly, you can only pass for Holly Robinson.

Shawn: It's a gift that I bust out on rare occasions and almost all the time.

Shawn: It's harvest season, Pa. Jeb can't work the plow. You know he ain't been right since he come down with the consumption!

Shawn: It's just stupid, that's all. I mean, if he didnt have any hair then no one had any business calling him Fuzzy Wuzzy."
Gus: They were being ironic, Shawn.
Shawn: Yeah, but he wasn't fuzzy, was he?!
Gus: No, he wasn't! Irony, Shawn!
Shawn: My point precisely!

Shawn: It's time to go into stealth mode.
Gus: Stealth mode? Hit The Jackal switch!

Shawn: Jules.
Juliet: Sorry, Shawn, no time for your tomfoolery and silliness.
Shawn: Actually we were just...
Juliet: That also goes for nonsense, malarkey, and shenanigans.

Shawn: Just call me the suck-stopper. No, wait. Don't ever call me that.

Shawn: Ken!
Ken: No way.
Shawn: Yes way... in a big way. Can I have your keys?
Ken: What?
Shawn: I just saw a guy get killed.
Ken: Where?
Shawn: In the murder room at the haunted house.
Ken: Isn't that what's suppose to happen?
Shawn: Real guy, real murder.
Ken: Did you tell anyone?
Shawn: We told Carol. But she was so busy texting with Bad Grammar Todd that she didn't care.
Gus: Will you let that go?
Shawn: "Bitchin'", Gus. "Bit-Chin". It's the only word I insist people get right. Otherwise, you're saying it's bichin which is chinese for "too much face". Isn't that right, Ken?
Ken: Seriously, dude. I already told you last time: six words. Now why don't you just go tell somebody else?
Shawn: We're telling you, Ken, and you wanna know why? Because it's high time we got the team back together, man. This is the type of big money case that will allow us to hire back our best Asian assistant ever. 3 Ninjas, Mega Mountain, reunited and it feels... so good.
Ken: I like that song.

Shawn: Kudos on the childrearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.

Shawn: Labradoodle!
Gus: Where?

Shawn: Lassie, good news - we got you a grape one.
Lassiter: Told you I don't want a Popsicle.
Shawn: Ah, I guess we'll have to share this one.
Gus: How do you share a Popsicle?
Shawn: I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick.