Christian: Pineapple juice, baby! Makes a man's shooty-shoot taste infinitely sweeter. It's nature's guarantee of a second date.

Christian: Sean, do you know why we just bought twelves packs of ham?
Sean: Because alligators are finicky eaters.

Christian: So you'll give your night nurse a nose job but you won't give your partner some lunchtime lipo?

Christian: Sorry I'm late.
Principal Wentworth: Have a seat, Mr. McNamara.
Christian: It's Troy. Dr. Christian Troy.
Principal Wentworth: I'm confused. I thought you were his father.
Christian: I am. I'm his, uh, biological father.
Matt: I have two dads.
Principal Wentworth: Well, was there a divorce? Oh, got it. Two dads. Emily Willis has two mommies. We're seeing more and more of this.
Christian: Matt's father is my partner, Dr. Sean McNamara.
Principal Wentworth: I understand.
Matt: They're not gay, Miss Wentworth. My Mom slept with Christian before she married my Dad.
Adrian: Technically, I don't have any father figures, but Matt's living in my house and screwing my Mom, so I pretend he's my Dad.
Ava: It's true, Miss Wentworth. Matt and I are lovers. I was his life coach.
Adrian: You see, Matt has a problem. He's a premature ejaculator.
Principal Wentworth: OK, enough. I deal with dysfunctional families on a daily basis. And trust me, everyone has a story, and none of you are that special.

Christian: Sorry, am I interrupting "Extreme Makeover: Whore Edition"?

Christian: Sweetheart, everything I need to know about you is bouncing around in front of my face.

Christian: Sweetheart, you're two hours late. If you were a pizza, I'd get you for free.

Christian: Take the coffeemaker, Sean. When you become a big, successful Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, this will remind you of where you come from.

Christian: The American Architecture Award. Impressive.
Ben White: I got it for an atrium house I designed in 2001. I utilised the power of negative space. The beauty of what's missing.

Christian: The line that divides the porn industry and the plastic surgery is a thin one. We're both selling fantasy, aren't we?

Christian: The Messiah? Liz, I thought you were an athiest.
Liz: I kinda go on the wagon around the holidays. You miss out on too much good music if you don't.

Christian: The procedure is rare. This has nothing to do with your competence as a surgeon.
Sean: Or your technique as a lover.

Christian: There is no pro bono for boning a pro.

Christian: There's a difference between being a pussy and being respectful of fear. It's what reminds me to slide on a johnny hat every time I perform a slipindicktomy on a woman of questionable standards.

Christian: There's an epidemic of obesity in this country and it's our job to exemplify a healthy alternative.
Sean: Passing on the Key Lime Pie or that second bottle of Merlot might be a more reasonable way to set an example.
Christian: Diet? [Edit] No, Sean. We're in the quick fix biz.