[Abby comes up to the empty squadroom late at night when no one else is there. She sits at Gibbs' desk and puts on his glasses.]
Abby: [Imitating Gibbs] I heard that, DiNozzo. Another wise-ass comment like that, I'll smack you so hard, your grandchildren will feel it. [Looks at McGee's desk] Think it's funny, McGee? Wipe that smile off your face. [Looks at Ziva's desk] That goes for you, too, David. [Picks up the phone] Special Agent Gibbs! [Speaking normal, slowly takes off Gibbs' glasses] You're standing behind me, aren't you?
Gibbs: Yep. [comes over] Feeling very secure about your job, are you, Abs?
Abby: Um, not so much anymore.

[Gibbs sees the photo of McGee "kissing" his dog.]
Gibbs: At least you don't have to pay alimony, McGee.

[McGee and a dog handler come down to pick up Jethro, to find Abby has locked herself and Jethro in her office with loud music on, ignoring them. McGee is still trying to nudge the glass door open and get her attention as Jethro growls]
Abby: Pay no attention to them, Jethro.
McGee: (sighs) Abby, open the door. (no response) Jethro has to go now... Abby!
Abby: I can't hear you, McGee!
McGee: If you can't hear me, why did you answer?
[Abby frowns and gets up to turn the music up louder, then turns to face them.]
Abby: I am not opening the door until Jethro is proven innocent!
McGee: Abby, do not make a scene!
Abby: Too late, McGee! I am in full scene mode!
McGee: You can't stay in there forever.
Abby: [indicating a large container of Caf-Pow] I'm fully stocked on both Caf-Pow... [indicating a bag of dog food] ...and kibble. I'm good for at least a few days. (Jethro barks)

[McGee and Tony enter a therapist's waiting room. Tony is about to knock on the therapist's office door when McGee stops him]
McGee: Don't do that!
Tony: Do what?
McGee: He might be with someone! [He turns on a light switch]
Tony: That tells him someone's here?
[Tony impatiently switches the switch on and off several times quickly]
McGee: Haven't you ever been to a therapist before?
Tony: Me? No. [Sits on a couch] You?
McGee: Yeah. Once when I was young.
Tony: For your Acrophobia?
McGee: You're blowing that all out of proportion, Tony.
Tony: Well, you showed a pathological fear of heights today.
McGee: I was staring down ten stories. Being a little disoriented is a little understandable.
Tony: Disoriented? Your panties were in a twist. Tears in your eyes. Oh, wait. I couldn't see your eyes because they were shut so tight! You were hysterical like a little girl!
McGee: I was not.
Tony: You were huggin' the ladder. Ladder hugger. And I got the photographic evidence. [Pulls out a camera phone] Let technology show you the truth. [Shows McGee a video of him nervously on the ladder]
McGee: My eyes are not closed. I was blinking.
Tony: [Looks at the video] Oh. Oh, is that- Is that what you were doing? Let's let the people decide.
McGee: You're not going to post that on YouTube?
Tony: I might.
McGee: You give me that thing or I'm gonna-- [Tony shuts the phone] Hey! [Begins wrestling for the phone]
Tony: [Holding the phone away from McGee's grasp] What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?
[Both begin fighting over the phone]
Dr. Fleming: Hey, hey. Hey. [Both stop fighting] You two have deeper issues than you discussed on the phone.
Tony: On the phone?
Dr. Fleming: Aren't you the couple who called up about marriage counseling?
McGee: [Realizes] Couple? Us? No, no... [Begins moving away from Tony]
Tony: It's okay, Timmy. Timmy. We're in a safe place. We can be ourselves here. [McGee quickly moves away from Tony and stands in front of Dr. Fleming] We just got back from Vermont. Pretty there this time of year.
McGee: Sorry. [Shows Dr. Fleming his badge] NCIS. Special Agents McGee, and DiNozzo.
Tony: [Stands] Very special agents.

[McGee and Ziva are debating who should be the one to plant a bug in a mosque]
McGee: I'll flip you for it.
Ziva: If I flip you, you will get hurt.
Tony: [whispers] You can take her, McGee.

[McGee and Ziva are playing Scrabble]
Tony: Hey, what's going on here? Did I get off on the wrong floor, I thought this was an office.
McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.
Tony: [chuckles] That's good. Do you think Gibbs will buy it?
Ziva: It is not my vocabulary that needs bolsterment, McGee.
McGee: Not a word. Hence the scoreboard.
Tony: [chuckles] Yeah, 50-point cushion for the professor. And there's only one tile left to play.
McGee: [smiles] Gonna be kind of tough to play that 'q' without a 'u'.
Ziva: You peeked!
McGee: Did not. Process of elimination, I counted the tiles on the board.
Tony: You suck the fun out of everything, McCheat. [Ziva suddenly looks in thought] Give it up, Ziva.
[Ziva takes her Q tile and plays it in front of an I.]
McGee: [frowns and stares at the board] "Kwee"? I don't think so.
Ziva: [smiles] Chi. As in life energy that flows through all things.
Tony: You should have seen that one coming, Probie Wan Kenobi.
McGee: No....
Ziva: [laughs] Sixty-two points!!!
Tony: Jedi wins.
McGee: I'm challenging!
Gibbs: [walking in] You all are! Grab your gear. Playtime's over.
[McGee panics, opening Ziva's drawer and dumping the tiles and board in, haphazardly sweeping the ones on desk to the floor as she gives him an odd look and the team gets ready to go.]
McGee: Uhh... that was a, uh, language exercise we weren't actually playing.
Tony: So he didn't actually lose.
McGee: Correct!
Gibbs: So he wasn't actually humiliated.
[Ziva and Tony look at each other and chuckle on their way out.]
McGee: [hurries after them, muttering] "Kwee"....

[McGee has just saved Tony from falling from a high level of a parking garage and they are both sitting on the ground against the concrete partition, panting.]
Tony: I love you, McGee. [pats McGee's knee] I promise I am never going to give you a hard time again.
McGee: Yeah, right. [Tony pats McGee's chest, McGee bats his hand away.]

[Palmer follows the team in his car.]
Gibbs: What are you doing here?!
Palmer: I thought I could help...
Gibbs: What part of "stay" don't you understand?! Stay! Palmer, you stay in the car!

[Palmer stops the suspect fleeing by crashing his car.]
Gibbs: What the hell were you thinking?!
Palmer: I did not get out of the car.

[Tony is carrying a dead rat through the abandoned ship.]
Tony: Yes, Alex, I'll take "Horror Movies That Take Place On Ships" for $500. [The lights go out] Oh, goody. Double Jeopardy.

[Tony shoots a drinking straw wrapper at Ziva]
Ziva: Don't you have paperwork, DiNozzo?
Tony: What do you think I'm doing? I take the paper, and I make it work. [shoots another wrapper]

[Tony, digging through Ziva's desk, has just discovered a "Movies for Dummies" book]
Tony: Ah-ha!
Ziva: [snatches it out of his hand] I have killed for less.
Tony: You cheated!
Ziva: I did not.
Tony: This is a book about movies. I bet you didn't even see those movies. You just read this book.
Ziva: I like books.
Tony: I like movies.
Ziva: Do not quote books, I will not quote movies.
Tony: What if it's a book that's been turned into a movie?

[Tony, Ziva and McGee are discussing which dog to get as Gibbs walks past]
Gibbs: How about an Australian Shepherd. They're working dogs.

[Tony, Ziva and McGee start to get up to help Gibbs]
Gibbs: Siiiiiit. [they slowly sit back down] Stay. [smiles and walks off] Roll over.

[Ziva and McGee are focused at his computer and grinning as Tony walks in]
Ziva: [chuckles] Aw, not bad....
McGee: Look at this one... you're gonna love this guy.
Ziva: Yeah, he would not be safe with me... I would eat him.
McGee: He's so adorable! How can you say no to that face...
Ziva: [chuckles]
Tony: Please tell me you're looking for a man for Ziva.
Ziva: [gives him a stare] Not me.
Tony: Oh! [wanders over] McGoo... is there something you wanna tell me?
McGee: Looking at animal rescue sites.
Ziva: McGee is thinking about getting a puppy.
Tony: Puppy's a lot of work. You gotta feed it, walk it, train it...
McGee: Yeah, I'm not twelve, alright. I work hard. I deserve someone that will jump up, all excited when I get home, you know. Lay on the couch, watch TV. Maybe lick my face a little bit...
Ziva: [exchanges amused looks with him and chuckles]
Tony: Might be easier getting a girlfriend.
Ziva: [gives him a distasteful look] Ehh.
McGee: Which might be even easier with a puppy. [Tony gets a look on his face, slowly meeting McGee's gaze] Even for you.
Tony: I'm not ready to start taking tips on this from you yet, probie.
McGee: Tony, I think it's time you get back on that horse.
Ziva: [looks confused] Are you getting a pony?
Tony: It's an adage.
Ziva: I am not familiar with that breed.
Tony: Yeah, well they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a pegasus and a unicorn.
Tony: So, what's the favorite?
Ziva: [annoyed] The Pit Bull.
Tony: Yeah, that makes sense for you, actually. Not really for McGee. He seems more like a Spaniel kind of guy. Cocker, maybe?