Gibbs: What about his prints?
Abby: I compared them to the prints that Tony and McGee got from the beach restroom. They didn't jive.
McGee: Must have lifted hundreds of prints. You sure you ran them all?
Abby: [nonchalantly] No McGee, about midway through I got tired so I was just like "screw it".

Gibbs: What do you got?
Abby: Other than my respect and adulation for human's ability to engineer teeny, tiny parts made of nothing but sand?
Gibbs: [looking down at a touchpad computer] Is it dead or alive?
Abby: It's neither. It's like a zombie, Gibbs; if you don't kill the brain, it doesn't die.

Gibbs: What's he hiding?
McGee: For the most part, not a whole lot. It's about the most boring diary I've ever read. An obsession with Kelly Clarkson... wondering why he can't find a girlfriend...
Abby: He didn't make the connection between those two things?

Gibbs: What've you got, Abs?
Abby: Oh, your usual incriminating evidence, all circumstantial, but beggars can't be choosers.

Gibbs: What've you got?
Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.
Gibbs: Are you all right?
Abby: No, I'm not okay! I'm not going to be okay until the power comes back on and I can run diagnostics on one of my babies. These aren't like light bulbs, Gibbs. You can't turn them on and off, and they're complex pieces of machinery that requires precise shutdown sequences. I don't understand! I mean, why does autopsy get backup power and I don't? I mean, MTAC, I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't have?
Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby: I'll get some corpses!

Gibbs: You CIA?
Ray Cruz: Just celebrated my thirteenth year, sir.
Tony: That's funny. Ziva failed to mention your line of work.
Ray: It's what I do. It's not who I am.
Tony: That's a very zen, new-agey kind of attitude for someone who instals puppet regimes for a living.
Ziva: Okay. Gibbs, can I give Ray a tour?
Gibbs: Yeah, sure. Don't lose him.
Ray: It's been a pleasure meeting all of you.
Tony: Huh. So it's not Renaissance Ray. It's CIA Ray. He's CIRay!
McGee: You really should get that checked out. It's like a bad tick or something.
Tony: Something about this guy, boss. His smile is disturbing. I haven't seen a smile like that since Christan Bale's barely audible Batman in The Dark Knight.
Gibbs: DiNozzo.
Tony: Right. Back to work. (in Batman voice) It's what I do. It's not who I am. (normally) Huh.

Gibbs: You first.
Tony: Ziva David, Mossad, she's here to stop you from whacking Ari. Yours?
Gibbs: Director Jenny Shepard, same mission.
Tony: Which agency?
Gibbs: Ours.
Tony: Yeah?

Gibbs: You know how I feel about coincidences, Abs.
Abby: Equatorial pygmies know how you feel about coincidences, Gibbs.

Gibbs: You okay?
Tony: Not really. I broke rule number ten. Again. Never get personally involved in a case.
Gibbs: Yeah. That's the rule I've always had the most trouble with.

Gibbs: You were supposed to be here an hour ago.
Fornell: My daughter had a performance at school, I told you. Be nice to me. I'v just spent two hours with our ex-wife.
Gibbs: Yeah! She mention my name?
Fornell: Not for years.
Gibbs: Heh, you shaved your beard!
Fornell: That's very observant.
Gibbs: What is that?
Fornell: It's rice.
Gibbs: I thought you were picking up cheeseburgers.
Fornell: It's lamb curry from the Punjab Express.
Gibbs: We both agreed we hate that place.
Fornell: We did, but I got a twofer coupon in the mail.

Gibbs: Ziva, sometimes people do the wrong things for the right reasons.
Ziva: People always think the wrong reasons are right. Especially parents.
Gibbs: Well, they've got perspective.
Ziva: Parents still make mistakes.
Gibbs: Yeah.
Ziva: My mother never told me what kind of man my father was. Perhaps she thought I was not strong enough to handle it.
Gibbs: Nah, she's just being a mother.
Ziva: How do you know?
Gibbs: Perspective.
Ziva: Are you lonely, Gibbs?
Gibbs: You're never alone when you have kids. [kisses Ziva's forehead] 'Night, kid.

Hollis Mann: Bring her in for another interview.
Gibbs: Wait.
Hollis Mann: I said bring her in!
Gibbs: And I said wait!
Tony: This never turns out well for the kids.

Jarvis: Director Vance, I'm authorizing Agent DiNozzo access to sensitive compartmental information commensurate with a black op. None of your other team members need to know, is that clear?
Vance: Actually Clay, I'm a little concerned.
Jarvis: So an agent is selling top secret information. And they'll need to be dealt with appropriately.
Vance: Mr. Secretary, I'd like to discuss this first.
Jarvis: There's nothing else to talk about... If you are uncomfortable with this, Agent DiNozzo and I can do it without you. [Sec Nav hands DiNozzo a file] Take a look. That's who you're handling. Do whatever it takes. Any questions?
Season 9

Jay: Who are you?
Tony: Same as Kate. Well not exactly.

Jeanne: I know something else we could do to stay warm.
Tony: Really? I wonder what that could be? Coffee?
Jeanne: Dancing!