Gibbs: You still in touch with that old NASA boyfriend?
Abby: He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.
Gibbs: You do?
Abby: Oh yeah.
Gibbs: That's good, right?
Abby: It's very good.
[Later, during a video-conference call]
Ashton (Boytoy): Greetings from NASA, NCIS.
Abby: Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.
Ashton: Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.
[In the background Kate and Tony exchange amazed looks at this entire exchange]

Gibbs: You tell Abby I want her.
Abby [entering the room from behind him] Oh Gibbs, I never knew!

Gibbs: You, blood spatters!
Abby: (hangs head and shuffles away) Yo ho heave ho...

Gibbs: (to suspect) You went home with one woman and woke up with another.
Tony: I hate it when that happens...

Gibbs: [about the missing case file on Operation Sunburst] Check the log; who booked it out last?
Tony: The CIA. So I guess that's not a who, it's more of an it.
Gibbs: Who was the NIS case agent?
[Tony pulls up the file, and sees Mike Franks.]
Tony: What time is it in Mexico right now?
Gibbs: Cantina time.

Gibbs: [After listening to Abby describe a very complicated sequence of events that led to an explosion] Not an accident.
Abby: Not unless the angel of death is going through a Rube Goldberg stage.

Gibbs: [describing the watch he is putting on] It's a locator. I won't activate it unless they move us.
Tony: [in a Sean Connery accent] Very James Bond - does it tell time, too?

Gibbs: [hands Ziva a letter indicating that she is now an NCIS agent] Get to work, probie.

Gibbs: [kisses Abby's cheek] Thank you, Abs.
Dr. Walter Magnus: He -- he just kissed her.
Ducky: Consider it an innocent gesture of endearment.

Gibbs: [smashing cell phone on desk] God, I hate this thing! It's crap!
Kate: There's a secretary from the Pentagon downstairs and she claims her boss is being held hostage by his computer.
Gibbs: See? [holds up smashed phone] There's a reason I didn't trust these things. [tosses it to McGee] Here, reboot that or something. [to Kate] Send her up.
McGee: Reboot it?
Kate: Or you can do what we always do.
[Tony pulls a box out of a filing cabinet drawer filled with new, unopened phones and hands it to McGee]
Tony: It's his third one this month.
[Later on]
Abby: [as her computer fizzles and crashes] NO! NO, NO, NO,... My baby just french-fried!
McGee: System's over-heated.
Gibbs: So reboot it.
Abby: Believe it or not, Gibbs, not all computer problems can be solved by rebooting.
Gibbs: [brightly, holding up cell phone] Works for me.

Gibbs: [to Tony and McGee] If you two don't start working, I will show you hazing, and the Marine Corps does not do wedgies or noogies or melvins.
Tony: Thank you, boss.

Gibbs: Abby --
Abby: No time for smalltalk, Gibbs, there's way too much to tell.
Gibbs: I only said 'Abby', Abby.
Abby: Well, now you've said it thrice.

Gibbs: Ain't that a riddle? No way out. Guy trapped in a room, no doors, no windows."
Paloma Reynosa: How did he get there?
Gibbs: Walls were built around him. But there's nothing there except a mirror and a table. How does he get out?
Jason Paul Dean: Look in the mirror, see what you saw. take the saw, cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Climb out the hole. Most retarded riddle I ever heard.

Gibbs: Are you done?
Tony: Almost.
Gibbs: Done or fired. Those are your options.
Tony: Done.

Gibbs: Cause of death?
Ducky: Well, it wasn't the arrow.