Mr. Show quotes
217 total quotesJack Weber (Bob): Just because a child is defiant doesn't mean they want to overthrow the government. Maybe they just want a cookie, a game, some attention...attention that a drunken father cannot provide...I'm sorry, Tim.
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Say, by any chance, are you a murderer?
Wife of Mark, the lyncher (Jill Talley): NO!
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Oh, good. Then your children will only be half murderer.
Wife of Mark, the lyncher (Jill Talley): NO!
Jerry, the hanged guy (David): Oh, good. Then your children will only be half murderer.
Jerry, the honeymoon crasher (David): Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend. Always in the way.
Jerry, the honeymoon crasher (David): Ooh. I gotta take a shit. Hey Todd, hand me that Hustler.
John Oakfellow of the Red Cross (John Ennis): It's been a real soul-shattering experience.
Jonathan, blind girl's friend (Bob): Well, then if you're blind, how do you know I'm a ... homosexual?
Judge in "Coupon: The Movie" trial (Bob): May I remind you that I am not on trial here ... until next week.
Kedzie Matthews (Tom Kenny): Watch as Mrs. Vila gets half of This Old House in "This Old Divorce"!
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): OK, sir, let's get this straight. Where are you coming from?
Mountain Dougie (David): New Freeland.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): Where is that?
Mountain Dougie (David): Montana.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): So you're already a U.S. Citizen.
Mountain Dougie (David): No, I told you, I'm from New Freeland.
Mountain Dougie (David): New Freeland.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): Where is that?
Mountain Dougie (David): Montana.
Keith, U.S. Customs Agent (Bob): So you're already a U.S. Citizen.
Mountain Dougie (David): No, I told you, I'm from New Freeland.
Ken Doral, host of the "Pre-taped Call-in Show" (David): If you wanted to talk about pet care, you should have called last week, when our show on racism was airing, but we were taping the pet care show, which is airing now.
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Do you really think court cases are decided by judges and juries making decisions based on evidence and lawyers' arguments?
John Hamlinson, managing associate of law firm (Tom Kenny): Oh, Danny! How could you be so naïve?
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Danny, court cases are decided by a series of blowjobs!
John Hamlinson, managing associate of law firm (Tom Kenny): Oh, Danny! How could you be so naïve?
Kennard Chamberlain, senior member of law firm (Bob): Danny, court cases are decided by a series of blowjobs!
Kevin, the slothful child (David): I ... also ... want people to perform ... beastialities for me.