Mr. Show quotes
217 total quotesGreat great great grandfather Applesway (Paul F. Tompkins): Look! LOOK!!! An entire wall of nothing but hardcore gay anal sex. If that doesn't bring a tear to your eye, then you're the one who's inhuman!
Greg Sniper's accountant (Bob): Goats are stupid, mean, and hardheaded animals. That's why they're called "Nature's President".
Greg Sniper's accountant (Bob): He spent a hundred million dollars on a campaign to legalize tomatoes, which I assume worked, because I had a tomato yesterday, and I'm not in jail, am I?
Guy in Ding Dong Burgers commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (David): Fuck, this little motherfucker's tasty!!
Guy in Ding Dong Burgers commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (David): This cocksucker dragged me down here, I dunno.
Guy in Tech Corp commercial during Pit-Pat sketch (Jay Johnston): Fuckity fuck-fuck!!!
Harmon Peterson (Bob): I don't know! Maybe this tree knows! Tree, excuse me, can you predict the future for me? No? Can I check back with you every two minutes for sixteen days? Great! Thanks!! Look - when I say there's no new information, that means there's NO NEW INFORMATION! I'm not trying to hide anything on ya, OK?!
Helpful guy in Druggachussetts (John Ennis): And remember, only take what you can handle, and always know your dealer!
Honeymooner (Bob): Tri-cycles would be bi-cycles. Who's ever heard of a bi-cycle?
Hypnotherapist (Becky Thyre): What are you doing in the cemetery, Charles?
Charles ______ (David): I just wanna dig up a corpse and have sexual relations with it!
Charles ______ (David): I just wanna dig up a corpse and have sexual relations with it!
Incompetent kidnapper (Bob): One...thousand dollars if you ever want to see my toe again.
Jack Weber (Bob): Here's a simple test to see if your child is really a costumed dwarf: hit him in the head with a hammer.