Mr. Show quotes

217 total quotes



All Seasons
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Bob: Later, we'll be having a beauty contest, and the winner will be crowned "Queen Pretty"!!!

Bob: Third motherfuckin' time...

Bob: With our help, you'll laugh your sales right through the... roof!

Boss in "A Second Wind" (Dave Foley): So Todd - you know we're considering you for this big promotion, right?
Husband in "A Second Wind" (David): Yes sir.
Boss in "A Second Wind" (Dave Foley): Well, what'd you think of my wife's casserole?
Husband in "A Second Wind" (David): Uhh...it was good!
Boss in "A Second Wind" (Dave Foley): Really? I don't hear you farting.

Brinks Peterson (David): Trying to get you the news without making a big production out of it.

Burgundy Loafe customer (David): You want me to shit in a box while I'm eating dinner?

Byron T. Lebockwith, Racist in the Year 3000 (David): Keep 'em comin', Gleep Glop...

Byron T. Lebockwith, Racist in the Year 3000 (David): My relatives didn't move here to be put out of work by some shifty-eyed, lazy, yellow-metal, China-bots!

Byron T. Lebockwith, Racist in the Year 3000 (David): You can't trust a man what's made of gas! Not you, Zaxon, you're one of the good ones. There's white people made of gas, you know what I mean.

C.S. Lewis, Jr. (Bob): Don't mess around ... with God's America.

Cafe Sidewalk Sign: Dirty Slackers Stay Out!

Carl Espick, editor of Value magazine (David): The Great Caruso wasn't nearly as great as, say, SAMMY HAGAR, the red rocker!

Chuck (Bob): Can't I just make you some sperm? It's really good.

Chuck (Bob): Look, I like to masturbate in a closed room while people are waiting for pie to cool.

Civil War Reenactment piece narrator (Jeff Goldblum): He dreamed of one day finding a box of money.