Mr. Show quotes
217 total quotesReverend Ralee Kolunda/Kolunda's sidekick (Jerry Minor/David): Be kind, Rewind.
Reverend Winton Dupree (Bob): I have a question, and I know you all have it, too: What is up Satan's ass?! All he wants to do is fuck us up, the dick-licker! Now the Lord said, "I am the light of the world." Now, He could as easily have said, "I am King Shit of Fuck Mountain. Why would you fuck with Me?!" Now, I'll tell you what. I am the only preacher with the fuckin' balls, and you know this, you all know this, to say, "Satan I damn thee! You goddamm motherfuckin', shit-eatin', cock-suckin', son of a B!" Can I get a fuckin' A?
Ronnie Dobbs (David): Y'all wear condoms on both your ears, I think it's funny. [Cough and groan]
Salini (David): What's wrong, Philouza? A few too many of Mr. Graham's crackers?
San Francisco protester (Sarah Silverman): We're spending all this money, millions of dollars, to blow up the moon, when there are so many things here on Earth to blow up ... Mount Everest, the North Pole, et cetera. We're earthlings, let's blow up Earth things!
Science program host (Bob): Scientists have ascertained that there may be as many as... 24 stars in the cosmos.
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): Gentlemen, I propose that this arts funding is like a milking machine and unless we shut it down, it's gonna rip our dicks right off!
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): I wish I could be everywhere that people are doin' art, so that I could keep the public from gettin' aroused...or titillated...or otherwise confused by the counterculture.
Senator Howell Tankerbell (Bob): I've got a naked puppet doin' a lewd, lascivious Fandango on the lap of a full-grown man! I got a fella over here, he's churnin' butter. A lady over here dippin' candles...it's like a pioneer porn shop in here! Close 'em down, boys!
Shamul/Anwar (David/Paul F. Tompkins): I spit on your spit. I piss on your spit. I shit on your piss. I fart on your shit. I laugh at your fart. We are friends again! Hey!
Shoe Court Shoe Store employee (Jay Johnston): Have you ever taken a train and eaten it piece by piece... after you just derailed it with your penis?
Prospective Shoe Court Shoe Store employee (Bob): Yes...It was for charity!
Prospective Shoe Court Shoe Store employee (Bob): Yes...It was for charity!
Shoe Court Shoe Store interviewer (Paul F. Tompkins): I am a control-freak because I was molested by my parents... Oh, God! What a breakthrough!
Sir Isaac Newton (Paul F. Tompkins): My father touched my butthole. This made me thirst for knowledge.