Mr. Show quotes

217 total quotes



All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2   Season 3   Season 4  



Mary Lynn Rajskub/Guests: Hey everybody, it's Bob and David!

Max Packer: I've got a five inch taint

Mayor O.D. McCrack (unknown): As mayor of the altered state of Druggachusettes, I declare this pizza to be...awesome!

Member of "2001: A New Wave Godyssey" (Scott Aukerman): Heavens to Betsy, I've invented a praying machine!

Member of Edmond Premington's audience (David): You don't know what words mean, do you?

Member of Edmond Premington's audience (Jay Johnston): Nipples on your ass...?

Member of press (David): Tom Boudinir, Cabington News, pedophile. I..sodomized my nephew. Juuuust what is going on over there at that zoning board??

Moe Phelps (Bob): All acting is is jumping up and down and yelling and screaming a lot.

Moe Phelps (Bob): Pack your bags, gang. We're going up my mom's ass!
Season 4 (Oct. - Dec. 1998)

Mother of missing companion (Brett Paesel): We're praying for our boy. He's a wonderful son. And I'm sure a great companion. We also pray for the two young people.
Father of missing companion (Jay Johnston): And, of course, the other companion.

Movie exec boss (John Ennis): We'll sue the pants off of 'em!!!
Movie exec (Bob): And then we'll sell them pants!

Movie exec with cat eyes (David): Where's your golden public now? I'll tell you where. They're all laughing. Laughing at you. They're laughing at the big fat asshole.

Mr. Applesway (Bob): Keep it down! There's people trying to masturbate down here!

Mr. Applesway (Bob): Next time you'll get more than a dildo in the head!

NASA spokesman (David): We have the technology. The time is now. Science can wait no longer. Children are our future. America can, should, must, and will blow up the moon.