[Monica and Chandler each borrow money from Joey, forcing him to lie to them both until they find out.]
Rachel: Joey! Why did you tell Chandler that Monica was getting a boob job?
Joey: Because she is!
Monica: Joey, Chandler knows I borrowed the money.
Joey: Mm-hmm! For your boob job!
Monica, Rachel, Chandler: It's over, Joe!
Joey: Okay. So I'm out four thousand dollars and nobody's boobs are getting any bigger?

[Monica and Phoebe greet Amy]
Monica So, welcome! Uh, is this the first time you're seeing Emma?
Amy: Yeah, I-I think so. [to Phoebe ] It's nice to meet you, Emma. [Amy holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Phoebe: [she shakes Amy's hand and corrects her] Phoebe.
Amy: Oh, that's a funny noise.

[Phoebe is about to give Rachel a massage]
Phoebe: [in a fake Swedish accent] Hello, ya! It's time for your massage, ya! Put your face in the hole!
Rachel: Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person!
Phoebe: Then I'm Swedish!
Rachel: What's your name?
Phoebe: A normal Swedish name...Ikea.
Rachel: What an interesting name. You know, I...
Phoebe: [interrupts her and pushes her head down] Time for your scalp massage!
Rachel: [sees Phoebe's shoes through the hole] Wow! I really love- [gasps loudly]
Phoebe: Is something wrong?
Rachel: No, it just...feels so good...Ikea! You'll know this, what's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Stockholm.
Rachel: [to herself] Damn, I wish I knew if that was right!

[Phoebe is reading a book on how to stop a baby from crying.]
Phoebe: We've tried feeding, drinking and diaper changing. Oh, here's something: "Go back in time and listen to Phoebe."

[Phoebe opens the door]
Phoebe: Oh, it's you.
Ross: With vegetarian corndogs! Come on, I just want to talk to you.
Phoebe: Oh, about what? How few ova I have left?

[Rachel gave Bill her phone number.]
Rachel: Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my, he's gone!
Phoebe: "Oh, I have to get my number back. Oh, my, he's gone." Dead on.

[Rachel tries to install baby-proofing things in the apartment.]
Rachel: Are you saying that women can't do it?
Joey: Women can do it; you can't.
Rachel: Monica, will you please tell Joey that he's a pig?
Monica: [to Joey] You're a pig. [to Rachel] And you can't do this.
Rachel: Well, I found the hardware store by myself!
Joey: The hardware store's just down the street.
Rachel: There's a hardware store down the street?

[Ross and Rachel are locked out of the apartment, with baby Emma inside.]
Rachel: Oh, no! What if she jumps out the of the basinet!
Ross: Can't hold her own head up... but yeah, jumped.
Rachel: Oh, my...! I left the water running!
Ross: Rach, you did not leave the water running. Please just...just pull yourself together okay?
Rachel: Did I leave the stove on?
Ross: You haven't cooked since 1996!
Rachel: Is the window open? Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there and --
Ross: Oh, my, you know what, I think you're right! I think -- you know what? Listen, listen: a pigeon... no, no, wait, an eagle flew in, landed on the stove, and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons! Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water! Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death-grip, swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment!
Rachel: [beat] Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

[Ross is talking to Emma on the couch]
Ross: And that's why, no matter what Mommy says, we really were on a break! Yes we were, yes we were! [picks up the baby] Oh, you're the cutest little baby ever! You're just a little bitty baby, but you got big beautiful eyes, a big round belly, and a big baby butt! [sighs] I like big butts. [sings the first few lines of "Baby Got Back." Emma starts laughing.] Oh, my, you're laughing! You've never done that before! Daddy made you laugh! Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot! You want to hear more? [sings another line and Emma laughs again] I'm a terrible father!

[At Ross´s Conference]
Ross: But all kidding aside, in much the same way that Homo ergaster is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus...
[Joey laughs]
Charlie: What?
Joey: He said "erectus"!
Charlie: You're... you're kidding, right?
Joey: No, he really said it.
Ross: ... and while there are certainly vast differences between these Mesozoic fossiles and the example of Homo erectus...
[Rachel laughs]
Joey: Erectus?
Rachel: Homo.

[The friends are about to arrange the lottery tickets, in a bowl at the breakfast table]
Monica: We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we won. Does anybody have any ideas how to organize this? [abruptly] How about this - we divide them into six groups of forty, and the remaining ten can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
Rachel: [raising her hand] I have another idea!
Monica: Sorry, idea time is over!
Phoebe: Are all of the tickets in the bowl?
Monica: Yeah.
Chandler: What about the ones on the nightstand?
Monica: There are no tickets on the nightstand!
Chandler: Yes there are, I saw them a few minutes ago!
[Rachel goes to the nightstand to investigate]
Monica: [uncomfortably] No you didn't! You must be mistaken!
Chandler: There were twenty tickets on the nightstand!
Monica: Chandler, sense the tone!
[Rachel returns with a bunch of tickets in her hand]
Rachel: Well, well, well, look what Mommy found! [everyone gasps]
Monica: Fine! I bought twenty extra tickets for me and Chandler!
Phoebe: [gasps] The psychic also said that I would be betrayed!
Ross: I can't believe this! I thought we were all in this together!
Monica: You just got in five minutes ago!
Ross: Three! I don't know why that's important!
Joey: I was with you the whole time we were in Connecticut! When did you get those?
Monica: When you were reading the dirty magazines without taking off the plastic!
Joey: [sniggers and turns to Ross] I'll show you how!
Rachel: Suppose one of your special tickets wins? How are you going to feel when you win the lottery and lose all your friends?
Monica: If I win the lottery you guys are not going to leave me! Someone gave me a basket of mini muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
Rachel: Chandler, would you tell her that what she did was wrong?!
Chandler: [turns to Monica] She's right, you shouldn't have bought tickets just for us. [Monica gasps] Let me finish. [turns to Rachel] However, it doesn't look as though I'm going to get this job, so I can't afford to have principles. So screw you, the tickets are ours!! [snatches the tickets from an open-mouthed Rachel]
Monica: [jubilantly] There's the man I married! [high-fives Chandler]
Rachel: Believe me, if you win the lottery, it's the last you're going to hear from any of us!
Monica: Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgeries so they look just like you!
Rachel: That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
Joey: [snatches the bowl from Rachel] I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks! And Steffi Graf!
Ross: [snatches the bowl from Joey] I want mine too! And if I win I'm going to put it all into a very low-yield bond!
Phoebe: [tries to put all the tickets into the bowl] You guys! We've got to keep all the tickets together!
Monica: No! [snatches the bowl] We should divide them up, and I should get extra because we used my car to buy them!!
Joey: If anybody gets extra tickets it should be me; this whole thing was my idea!! [snatches the bowl]
Chandler: Oh yeah! Thanks for inventing the lottery!!