Rachel: Wow, they really got you guys, your T.V., the chairs...
Phoebe: Yeah. Your microwave, the stereo...
Joey: Aw, man! He took the five of spades! 
[looks through deck] 
Oh no, no, here it is.

Rachel: You have the best taste in men
Chandler: Yeah.. Like father.. Like son...

Rachel: You know what else is really great about him? Oh, what is the word for an adult who doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Ross: Oh... [knocks his fists together at Rachel]
Rachel: What was that?
Ross: Monica knows.
Monica: It's this dumb thing that Ross made up just to try to fool our parents. It's a way of giving the finger without actually having to give it. [to Ross] I remember I cried the night you made that up. It was the first time I realized I was cooler than my big brother.
Ross: Well, I'm gonna go get ready... [knocks his fists at Monica]

Ross: I'm man enough to play this sport.
Joey: You are not even man enough to get the channel that carries the sport.

Ross: We knew we had two weeks together and thats it.
Joey: Thats what all my relationships are like.
Chandler: But in Ross's case they both know two weeks is it.

Ross: [storming into Chandler's room] I'm getting married today!!! Whoo-hoo!!!
Chandler: [covered up in bed] Morning, Ross.
Ross: I'm getting married to...day!!!
Chandler: Yeah, you are.
Ross: [leaving the room] Whoo-hoo!!!
Monica: [popping head out from under Chandler's covers] Do you think he knew I was here?

Ross: And for the record, it took two people to break this relationship!
Rachel: Yeah! You and that girl from the copy place, which yesterday you took full responsibility for!
Ross: I didn't know what I was taking responsibility for! I didn't finish the letter!
Rachel: What?
Ross: I fell asleep!
Rachel: You fell a-SLEEP?!
Ross: It was five-thirty in the morning! And you had rambled on for eighteen pages! Front and back! [leaves the room, then turns around] And by the way, y-o-u-apostrophe-r-e is "you are". Y-o-u-r is "your"!
Rachel: I can't believe I even thought of getting back together with you! We are soooo over!
Ross: [fakes beginning of sniveling and interrupts it saying...] FINE BY ME!
Rachel: And those little spelling tips will come in handy when you're home on Saturday nights playing scrabble with Monica!
Monica: Hey!
Rachel: Sorry! But I feel bad about all that sleep you'll miss wishing you were with me!
Ross: Oh, no, don't worry about me "falling asleep." I still have your letter! [walks out]
Rachel: And, hey, just so you know -- it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy, and it is a big deal! [slams door, revealing Chandler behind it]
Chandler: I knew it!

Ross: Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school?
Joey: No, I had sex in high school.

Ross: If she doesn't call, it is definitely over! No, wait, wait. Unless eventually I call her, you know, just to see what's going on, and she says she'll call me back, but then she doesn't. Then it's over.
Joey: Way to be strong, man!

[At the doctor's office, Phoebe sits before a Petri dish with her brother and sister-in-law's embryos]
Phoebe: Hello, teeny embryos. I'm, I'm Phoebe Buffay. Hi! I'm, I'm, I'm hoping to be your uterus for the next nine months. You should know that we're doing this for Frank and Alice -- who you know! You've been there! You know, they want you so much, so when you guys get in there, really grab on! Okay? And, and I promise that I'll keep you safe and warm until you're ready to have them take you home. So. Okay. Oh! And, also, um, next time you see me, if I'm screaming, don't worry -- that's what's supposed to happen.

[Chandler is angry that Joey and not himself is going to be Ross's Best Man.]
Chandler: [to everyone in the room] I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther!
Gunther: What is my last name?
Chandler: [short pause] Central... Perk?

[Emily and Ross are reciting their wedding vows.]
Priest: I, Ross...
Ross: I, Ross...
Priest: ... take thee, Emily...
Ross: ... take thee, Rachel...
Season 5

[Joanna runs into her fawning assistant Sophie.]
Sophie: Hi! I brought you back a macaroon!
Joanna: Oh, great! I'll keep it in my butt with your nose.

[Monica has just walked in on Joey and Chandler's freshly robbed by a stupid move by Joey apartment]
Monica: What happened?
Chandler: Well, let's see, Joey was born, and then 28 years later, I was robbed.

[Phoebe is sitting upside down on a chair and playing her guitar.]
Phoebe: [singing] Are you in there, little fetus? In nine months, will you come greet us?... I will buy you some Adidas.