Dean Pelton: Mr. Winger!
[Jeff sees the Dean, Annie, and Whitman, and tried to go the other way. They chase him down]

Dean Pelton: Mr. Winger, did you happen to hear my announcement?
Jeff: I hang on every word.
Dean Pelton: I'm going to assume that's sarcasm.
Jeff: Correct.
Dean Pelton: So you didn't hear my announcement?
Jeff: I'm barely listening now.

Dean Pelton: Now, are those the high heel boots he was talking about?
Britta: Yes.
Dean Pelton: Are they comfortable?
Britta: Yeah.
Dean Pelton: I'm just curious, they're cute.
. . .
Dean Pelton: Well, it certainly sounds to me that this young lady's only crime is being a hero and wanting to be taller.

Dean Pelton: Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.

Dean: [dramatic music plays as he reads Jeff's course schedule, then gives an evil smile] Agnes, cancel my appointments.
Agnes: What appointments?
Dean: [beat] Wishful thinking.

Dean: I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey, just not like this! And not on dry land!

Dean: Jeffrey, I am the least racist person in the world. My best friend, when I was six years old, was a black man!

Dr. Duncan: Listen, I wanted to ask you about that young lady in your Spanish class. You know, the blonde, with the pouty, strident, Cate Blanchett sexuality, and the ridiculous name.
Jeff: Britta.
Dr. Duncan: That's it. Can you imagine living with that? Can you imagine? Unbelievable. Anyway, um, are you two an item, and if so, would that item be impervious to sabotage?
Jeff: You know, you have the savoir faire of a hyena. How is that that you and James Bond come from the same island?
Dr. Duncan: Message received. I'll just wait for you to finish striking out first.
Jeff: Cheers.
Abed: M*A*S*H.
Dr. Duncan: Fawlty Towers. Game over. Have a nice day.

Duncan: (to Jeff) I still cannot figure out how you got a jury to connect September the 11th with my DUI, let alone why that helped.

Duncan: [Dean enters anthropology classroom while Duncan is drinking wine, so Duncan throws the glass on floor] And that's how Jews celebrate at weddings! Anthropology!
Chang: L'chaim!

Duncan: [watching Britta and Annie wrestle in oil] Now this is why I came to America.

Duncan: I'm a professor. You can't talk to me that way!
Jeff: A six-year-old girl could talk to you that way!
Duncan: Yes, because that would be adorable!
Jeff: No, because you're a five-year-old girl and there's a pecking order!

Duncan: Now, everyone open your textbooks, because Abed has broken the internet.

Duncan: Okay, I'm sorry. Do you mind if we have this conversation in a room with less balls? [To showering man] You're very confident, I'll say that.
Chang: But you shouldn't be.

Duncan: The Duncan Principle is simple. Namely, the more control lost by the... [students begin writing] Yeah, I'm going to write this down too, actually.