Annie: Dia de los muertos, or 'Day of the Dead', is sometiems referred to as Mexican Halloween.
Chang: Which is actually quite offensive to people familiar with Mexican Halloween as a sexual position.

Annie: How much effort do I rate?
Jeff: For you, I'd break a light sweat.
Annie: Good. I need a favor. Help Pierce with his step daughter?
Jeff: You're becoming dangerous Annie, it's those doe eyes. Disappointing you is like choking the little mermaid with a bike chain

Annie: I'd like to know why I had to find out about this group on accident.
Abed: Oh, this is getting way more like Breakfast Club now.
Pierce: There's breakfast?

Annie: It's not like I'm seeing anyone. There's just a guy...
Abed: A guy that goes to Greendale? Is it the Russian guy that looks like a short Johnny Depp?
Annie: It doesn't matter.
Troy: Is it the guy who looks a little like Vince Vaughn but smells a lot like fish?
. . .
Abed: Is it the guy who looks like Anderson Cooper but with the soul patch and the ponytail?
Annie: No.
Troy: Is it Black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No.
Pierce: The white George Foreman?
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person: he's biracial, his name is David, and he's a human being.
. . .
Troy: Is it Fat Neil?
Abed: Bluestreak?
Pierce: Optimus Prime?
Annie: Okay, even I know some of these are Transformers.
. . .
Jeff: Is it Jean-Claude Van Overbite?
Abed: We should really start learning people's names.
Jeff: I agree with brown Jamie Lee Curtis.

Annie: Maybe Simmons was right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn't beat him if you tried.
Jeff: What do you mean I can't beat him? You and I are going to study harder than we've ever studied before and beat City College tomorrow!
Annie: [excited] Really?
Jeff: No! Who am I, iCarly?
[Shirley slaps away the paper that Abed is reading]

Annie: The Dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own: the Dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, then I've given almost two weeks of life to an idiot; that is unacceptable. Therefore, the Dean is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.
Abed: Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
Annie: Is it something that the Dean created? Because if not, I don't care.

Annie: This is really important to me, Abed. Could you please go as my friend? My really good friend?
Abed: Well, I didn't realize we were really good friends. I figured we were more like Chandler and Phoebe; they never really had stories together. ...Sure, I'll do it, Chandler.

Annie: Troy isn't interested in football anymore. Getting injured in that keg stand was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Dean Pelton: Whoa! Yoko Ono much? Bro's before ho's, Troy.

Annie: Well, the real important thing is that there is a Model U.N., it doesn't really matter who starts it. It just means her name goes on some charter and she gets to put it on her resume, and lead the Greendale team to the national Model U.N., and meet Kofi Annan, Boutros Boutros-Ghali, and will.i.am.
Troy: [Excited] Boutros Boutros-Ghali?!

Annie: You're welcome!
[She lowers her voice as Jeff and Britta walk by, followed by Shirley]

Britta: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Cancer!" "Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!"

Britta: [angrily] It all starts with a quick look-see into someone's bag and before you can say 1984, the thought police are forcing you to bend and spread!
Jeff: Bend and spread? Are the thought police going to make love to us?

Britta: [looking in notebook] Abed, why is my name in here?
Abed: That's mine.
Britta: And Shirley's and Annie's?
Annie: What is it?
Britta: Charts. Some kind of calendar?
Abed: That's my personal private business.
Britta: [reading] "Annie: 4 on, 28 off, next, November 10th. Britta: 5 on, 27 off..." Oh, my God, are you charting our menstrual cycles?
Annie: What?! Gross!
Shirley: Abed, this is so personal! And so accurate.
Annie: Abed, this is really creepy. I don't understand why you would do this.
Abed: I can explain. [Pause] Oh, I thought you'd keep yelling over me. Okay, I can explain. You know I have trouble reading people, and I say the wrong things, sometimes, and I noticed it was happening more often with you three than it was with the others. And then I noticed fluctuating patterns, and I started graphing them, and by the time I realized what I was actually measuring, it had started to yield really positive results for everybody, so I kept doing it.
. . .
Abed: Okay, if I could just take this time to share a few words of sarcasm with whoever it is that took this pen. I want to say thank you for doing this to me. For a while I thought I'd had to suffer through a puppy parade, but I much prefer being entombed alive in a mausoleum of feelings I can neither understand nor reciprocate. So whoever you are, can I get you anything? Ice cream? Best friend medal? Anything? Mmm-mmmm? Okay, sarcasm over.

Britta: [To Annie] When you become roomates with friends, the things you love about them become the things that makes you want to smother them with a pillow.

Britta: [To Shirley and Pierce] I am not a whore, and not that I've done the math, but if I were, I'd be the super classy kind that gets flown to Dubai to stay in an underwater hotel.