Cory: What did you just say?
Topanga: [backpeddling] I just said, you haven't been doing all that well with your magazine sales...
Cory: No. No, NO! That's NOT what you said! You said I'm a LOSER, Topanga! I know you said it, because I heard it! I heard it from YOUR BIG MOUTH!
Topanga: Oh! I have a big mouth now?!
Cory: Yeah!
Topanga: You can't even play Solitaire, IMBECILE! Did ya hear that okay from my big mouth?!
Cory: You know what, Topanga, I used to be able to. I used to do a lot of things, before I married YOU! Congratulations! You killed my spirit![Topanga walks away heartbroken] I win. You leave, I win! BYE!...oh man...
[Cory enters his and Topanga's apartment]

Cory: Why does everyone always take Topanga's side?!
Eric: Boobies.

Cory: You know what else they got in Europe aside from cafés, Shawn? They got men. Men named... Paolo. Enrique! Milosh! And they sit there prowling around in their dirty Ferraris looking for that fresh American meat.
Shawn: Look, I trust Angela.
Cory: [does a callous French laugh, then speaks in a French accent] I'm eating a croissant! Jump into my Porsche, and we will drive on the wrong side of de road!

Cory: You see, I'm the lord of my castle. And as the lord, I think it's up to me to provide. And it's up to Topanga to be my grateful French chambermaid, Fifi LaBanza.

Cory: You'll never guess.
Shawn: Topanga's pregnant.
Cory: She is? Why'd she tell you and not me? Are you the father of my child?
Shawn: Hey, idiot.
Cory: What?
Shawn: You had news?
Cory: Oh, yeah.

Eric's voiceover: I'm Shangri-La's own gumshoe. There's the gum... on my shoe.
[Secretary puts more gum on his shoe]
Eric's voiceover: More gum.

Eric: [about his haircut] It's not gonna grow back; I got my receipt!

Eric: [dressed as a woman] How do I look, babe?
Shawn: Yes on the dress, no on the face.
Eric: Too much make-up?
Shawn: Too much ugly.

Eric: [to Amy] You never breast-fed me!
Alan: Eric --
Eric: You didn't either! Breast-fed kids are skinny. Formula fed kids are fat. You know, at first I blamed it on myself. I thought maybe glands, and then I thought maybe metabolism. But then I thought to myself, I'm no racist! So it all goes back to you guys.
Alan: Listen, Porky, we're in the middle of a serious family discussion here.

Eric: [to Angela, holding a stack of photos of himself] 'Kay, so I want you to do me a favor. I want you to hand these out to all the European girls you see, okay? And tell them that if they want me to be their American boyfriend, my number's right there at the bottom of the picture, okay? Now, I've only got five hundred, so don't be handing them out to any hairy chicks, all right?

Eric: [to Mr. Feeny] I don't know what will happen to me, but I know that I will be a good person that cares about people, and I blame you for that.

Eric: All right, look, I'm glad you're both here. Listen to me. I've been reading a lot about this guy named Gandhi. Now Gandhi's an Indian. He's a Cherokee, I think, but that's not really what's important. Gandhi is a master at solving all conflicts peacefully. Now the first thing we need to do is start a dialogue. [Jack and Shawn remain silent] Okay, to have a dialogue, somebody has to talk. [looks in his book] Somebody has to talk, yeah. So who's gonna go first?
Jack: [to Shawn] Aw, to hell with you, man.
Eric: Now that's good. Let's build from that.
Shawn: [to Jack] To hell with you, too.

Eric: FEENAH! FEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEENAH! FEENYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! OOO, THAT WAS A NEW ONE!
Feeny: You are NOT CALLING A DUCK!

Eric: Hey, I am not a carnival act! All right, yeah, I am a carnival act, but my sneezing is a gift. It's a gift that should not be abused! Unless, of course, we can use it to get chicks!

Eric: It was one of those nights - you know the kind. Like day, but darker.