Butt-head: Check this out. [quiet voice] It looks like he's gonna use his nine-iron to smash the big fat dead guy's face in.
Beavis: [quiet voice] That's right, Butt-head. I think what he's planning on doing, is smashing his glasses in, and shoving the nine-iron up his bunghole.
Butt-head: It looks straight...oh, he's in the water! That'll cost him a stroke.
Beavis: That's right, Butt-head. Oh, I don't believe it! He's gonna actually try to, it looks like it's gonna go...
Butt-head: [raises voice to normal volume] You can't do it, Beavis. Shut up.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head. You weren't that good.
Butt-head: You're not good at anything.
Beavis: Check this out. [quiet voice] That's right, Butt-head, that's gonna cost him two strokes. He's probably gonna...dammit! Dammit!
Butt-head: See, Beavis, you can't do it. [quiet voice] Beavis is a complete wuss. He's not good at anything. His mom is a slut.
Dinosaur Jr, I Don't Think So

Butt-head: Check this out.
Beavis: Yeah. Olivia Newton-John sucks!
Butt-head: That's not Olivia Neuter John, that's that rich chick from 902...6...1.
Beavis: Oh yeah, Donna.
Butt-head: That's not Donna! Donna's the slut. This is Kelly.
Beavis: No way, dude! Donna's not a slut. She's a virgin. Kelly's the slut.
Butt-head: Does she look like a slut to you, Beavis?
Beavis: Yeah, that's why it's Donna!
Butt-head: But you just said Donna's not a slut.
Beavis: Oh yeah. That must be Kelly.
Girlschool, Play Dirty

Butt-head: Cool! Skulls!
Beavis: Yeah! Skulls kick ass.
Butt-head: That guy looks pretty cool.
Beavis: Yeah. He looks cool because he's like, dead.
Butt-head: It's like, this video looks pretty cool, but the sound sucks.
Beavis: Yeah. Check this out, Butt-head. [Beavis turns the volume all the way down]
Butt-head: Whoa! That's better. [Starts humming metal music]
Beavis: [Singing along] I'm a zombie/I'm a dead guy/I like to eat people's brains/and um, and like, look at my eyeballs/and I'm a dead guy in a corner/and I'm a zombie."
Butt-head: That was pretty good, Beavis! You should like, be a lead singer.
Beavis: Yeah! All I need is clown makeup.
Butt-head: I bet if we like, did that over this video, it would be like, a buzzclip.
Beavis: Yeah. We're cool.
Tori Amos, Crucify

Butt-head: Cool! This sounds pretty cool.
Beavis: Yeah! It kicks, BUTT! Hey, check out the skull.
Butt-head: That's not a skull, Beavis. That's just like, a really ugly dude.

Butt-head: CROTCH STUFFING!
Beavis: Let's try that.
Butt-head: Yeah, maybe we would get some.
Beavis: Some what?
Butt-head: Dude.
Beavis: Nice organ lick.
Butt-head: Organ lick?

Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, put that away. You're not supposed to have your penis out while you're cooking.
Beavis: Oh...oh yeah. [angry customer drives away]
Butt-head: Err, can I take your order?

Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, you promised that this would start rocking!
Beavis: I didn't promise, Butt-head, I said maybe it would start rocking!
Butt-head: Well, maybe I'm gonna smack you upside the head, dumbass.
Beavis: Well, I'm gonna kick your ass, I promise. Butthole.
[the chorus starts again]

Butt-head: Dammit, I'm sick and tired of seeing crap like this.
Beavis: That'd be cool, if Robin Hood came and shot these guys with an arrow. Yeah, yeah, YEAH, YEAH YEAH!
Butt-head: Rock on, Beavis!

Butt-head: Dammit. This Nickelodeon crap has gone too far.

Butt-head: Damn it Beavis, cut that out!
Beavis: [imitating Shaggy] Bombastic, Mr. Fantastic...
Shonen Knife, Tomato Head

Butt-head: Did you hear it from Kurt Scrotur?
Beavis: No, from Tabitha Sore-End. Get it? Sore end?
Butt-head: I get it, Beavis. You're a dork. [Scoffs] You know the MTV News theme song.

Butt-head: Did you know that in California, any chick will do it with you?
Beavis: Really? You mean, like, all the girls are SLUTS?
Butt-head: Yep.
Beavis: Whoa, that is cool! Yeah, yeah, let's go!
Butt-head: You know, another thing about California, is that all the dudes there looks like Kato Kaelin.
Beavis: He seems like a great guy, you know?
Butt-head: Yeah. That's how come, you know, everyone just lets him live at their house, like OJ Simpson. He goes "You know, you're a great guy. Why don't you come on over and stay a while?"
Beavis: I'd let him crash here because, like, he's such a great guy.
Butt-head: Yeah. What a great guy.
Beavis: Except he kinda looks like the ass end of a dolphin.
Butt-head: Yeah, he does, sort of. But that's okay. Because he's cool.

Butt-head: Did you know their dad, Lee Harvey Osmond, like, killed one of the presidents or something?
Beavis: Yeah, and I heard the whole Osmond family is a bunch of morons!
Butt-head: That's Mormons, buttwipe! Those are those dudes that come up to your house in bicycles.
Beavis: Oh yeah! Is this the Moron Tabernacle Choir?
Butt-head: Yeah. I hate this moron music.
Our Lady Peace, Starseed

Butt-head: Did you know when you get it on with your cousin, it means she's your cousin, uh, like, once removed?
Beavis: Whoa, really? Y'know my grampa told me once, that like, because he did it with his cousin, that means that my, grandma.....is my....cousin, and my mom is my great aunt.
Butt-head: Uh, yeah and she's also a great slut.
Beavis: Oh yeah and um, and also, I think my grandma is a nitwit.

Butt-head: Did you pay for that, ma'am?
Female shopper: Yes.
Butt-head: May I see your receipt, please?
Beavis: Yeah. Heh heh. May I see your slit?
Female shopper: [insulted] Excuse me?
Butt-head: Uhh... could we like rescue?
Female shopper: I don't think so!
[The security guard arrives at the scene]