Butt-head: Did you see that guy?
Beavis: Yeah, really.
Butt-head: Must be his first concert.
Beavis: His mom's waiting outside in the stationwagon.
Butt-head: She said, "Okay, now what time's the concert gonna be over?"
Beavis: What a wuss!
Julee Cruise, Rockin' Back Inside My Heart

Butt-head: Ding dong ditch is hard.
Beavis: Yeah yeah, that sucks. What a waste of time!
Butt-head: Maybe we were like doing something wrong. We need practice. Hey Beavis, you pretend you're at home, and I'll like do it to you.
Beavis: Yeah yeah practice.
[Butt-head goes out and rings the door bell.]

Butt-head: Do have any big dogs?
Zookeeper: Wild animals only.
Butt-head: Uh, do have any woodpeckers? Huh huh huh. Woodpeckers.

Butt-head: Don't worry, Beavis, be happy.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head! I'm not worried.
Butt-head: Oh yeah? Does this worry you? [smacks Beavis]
Beavis: AAH!! I'm gonna play drums on your nads with my foot!
Butt-head: I'd like to see you try, butt-knocker!
Beavis: Don't call me that, Butt-head! [kicks Butt-head in the testicles]
Butt-head: UUH! I'm gonna play drums on your face, buttknocker!
[The two continuously hit and yell at each other]
Butt-head: Okay, the fight's over! I won.
Beavis: No you didn't, Butt-head! I won.

Butt-Head: Er wanna save some mixed butts ?
[Next]

Butt-head: Ew! That was disgusting!
Beavis: Yeah really. That shouldn't show that kind of stuff on TV! Kids might be watching.

Butt-head: Excuse me, are those Bunghole Boys you're wearing?
Beavis: [laughs] Bunghole Boys.

Butt-head: Face it Beavis, you have a problem with your penis. Maybe you should wash it or something.
Beavis:Yeah, I'll just...wait, with water? No way, then it'll get all wet.
Butt-head: Life is hard, Beavis.

Butt-head: Get the kite, Beavis.

Butt-head: He wants what's in your pocket.
Beavis: He's a pocket fisherman.
Mr. Candy: Oh no, you're not gonna pull that on me again! It took me six months to get another job. [Grabs Beavis] Now give me the rest of the money, you little twerp!
Beavis: Ahhh! He's trying to touch my wiener! Let go, pervert!
Butt-head: Kick him in the nads, Beavis!
Mr. Candy [Grabs Butt-head as well]: You too, you little farter!
[Buzzcut comes in]
Buzzcut: What in the hell are you doing?! This is my class, I do the ass-kicking around here!
Mr. Candy: Wait your turn, Jarhead! [slaps him, Buzzcut's face turns red, and becomes furious]
Buzzcut: You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candyass! I hope you're familiar with some hand to hand combat techniques!
Mr. Candy: Oh, you're going down, soldier boy! [tries to hit him, but Buzzcut brutally kicks him in the head]
Beavis: Kick 'em, kick 'em!
Butt-head: Kick 'em in the butt.
Beavis: Kick 'em in the nads!

Butt-head: He's fallen and he can't 'get it up'.

Butt-head: He's got a fat little face.
Beavis: Yeah. He's got a fat bloated face that you get when you eat too many urinal mints.
Butt-head: Uh...what are you talking about, Beavis?
Beavis: You know, those round things that are there, you know, so you can freshen up after you take a leak.
Butt-head: Beavis, you're not supposed to eat those!
Beavis: Oh yeah. I know, I was just kidding.
Butt-head: Dumbass!
Grim Reaper, See You in Hell

Butt-head: He's having trouble defecating.
Kirk Windstein: OOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! (OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!)
Beavis: Uh, not anymore.
Butt-head: He just took a dump!
Crowbar, Existence Is Punishment

Butt-head: He's probably like, one of those rich kids. Like, his parents bought him a guitar, and he couldn't play that either.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. And then he said "Well, maybe if I get a really cool suit, then that'll help."

Butt-head: He's smiling at you, Beavis.
Beavis: Shut up, Butt-head!