Beavis: That drummer looks like a regular guy.
Butt-head: Yeah. If you saw him on the street, you wouldn't even know he was cool.
Helmet, Wilma's Rainbow

Beavis: That dude looks kinda funny.
Butt-head: Yeah. Yeah, he kinda was.
Beavis: What is this, anyways?
Butt-head: Uhh...I dunno, some kind of show.
Beavis: Yeah, this is kinda cool.
Butt-head: Uhh, yeah. I mean, it's like, the music is horrible. But it rules!
Beavis: We should watch this all the time. Yeah, this rules.
Butt-head: I bet you could score with some of those chicks in the audience by just going up to them and saying, "Hey baby. I'm NOT in the band."
Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Like, all you'd have to do is say "Yeah, I have nothing to do with these guys. Wanna make out?" That would rule.

Beavis: That guy looks like a cheerleader. Yeah, yeah: "All those years of hard work and practice in the garage, finally pay off when you see the looks on those peoples faces out in the audience!"
Butt-head: These dudes are like: "Look at me, I'm kicking!"
Beavis: "Yeah, yeah, look at me! I'm throwing my guitar around and wiggling my butt, see?! Just like we practiced!"
Butt-head: "Yeah, look at me! I'm shaking my hips and kicking just like we did at practice!"

Beavis: That looks like that...that mouse chick...that Minnie, Minnie Mouse, you know?
Butt-head: Oh yeah. It's like, have you ever heard that joke? Why did Mickey divorce Minnie?
Beavis: Um...uh...I don't know.
Butt-head: Check it out, this is funny. Because she was doing Goofy! [laughs]

Beavis: That's "the Rookie", see? See Cochese back there?
Butt-head: Uh-huh.
Beavis: See, the Rookie, he's got a really short fuse.
Butt-head: Oh yeah.
Beavis: It's like, he's pretty good, but it's like, he's got a bad temper, and so like, Cochese has to calm him down sometimes.
Butt-head: Cool.
Beck, Pay No Mind

Beavis: That's a pretty nice hotel.
Butt-head: Yeah. When you're, like, rich and famous, you can stay in those really nice hotels where they have adult videos and hourly rates and stuff like that.
Beavis: How come hotels have hourly rates anyway?
Butt-head: 'Cause, dumbass, it only takes, like, an hour to do it.
Beavis: Wow. A whole hour?
Butt-head: A whole whore.
Beavis: Yeah, a whole whore.
Butt-head: You can get on the phone and be like "Uhh, room service? I'd like some bacon, and a couple Cokes, and a bunch of whores..."
Beavis: Yeah yeah! "And a side order of POOP!"
Butt-head: Uh, what did you say, Beavis?
Beavis: Oh, I was just saying, "And a side order of POOP!"
Butt-head: Oh boy. Beavis, you just sent my boner into the ground.
Beavis: Um, oh. Sorry about that. I just, you know...I don't know, I thought it was pretty cool. [muttering to himself] A side order of poop? To go with the whores?
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis.

Beavis: That's all you need anyway, is a beer, a chair, and a TV. I mean if I go through life and wind up never scoring, I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I just had a beer, a chair and a TV--
Butt-head: Beavis, you are NEVER going to score.
Beavis: I'm not saying I'll never score. I'm just saying, y'know, if that's the way it worked out, it wouldn't be too bad...well, no, it would suck, but it would be if I had a TV, and um...dammit! Nevermind.
Butt-head: You'll be lucky if you even drink a beer. You'll probably never have a chair either.
Beavis: This is gonna suck.
Madonna, Fever

Beavis: The chick said it changes colour if your pregnant so, [reads French instructions] Esay la Peesee la Pregwa... Okay [tries sticking the test tube in his belly button] Maybe it goes in here...
[afterwards]

Beavis: Then, I was thinking, also, you know, if you had a monkey on drums, just one more thing about that��if you had a monkey on drums, you know, you could spank him, that's all I wanted to say. [Butt-head laughs]
The Supersuckers, Creepy Jackalope Eye

Beavis: These are nice colors. They're all orangey and pretty and stuff.
Butt-head: Uhh, Beavis...do you, like, swing on that side now?
Beavis: Do I swing? No, I haven't...I haven't been to the swing since I was, like, eight years old. I don't even think we have a swingset anymore. What are you talking about?
Butt-head: Uhh, never mind, Beavis. Dumbass.

Beavis: These dances are pretty cool.
Butt-head: Yeah, but they're too easy. Check this out. [the camera cuts back to them. Butt-head makes pelvic thrusts while Beavis punches and kicks in the air. Caption reads "The Dillhole"]
Beavis: That's cool. Remember this one? [the camera cuts back to them. Butt-head shakes his butt while Beavis jumps up and down with a gyrating motion. Caption reads "The Bunghole"]
Butt-head: Or how about this one? [the camera cuts back to them. Butthead jumps back and forth across the room while Beavis sways his arms. Caption reads "The Fartknocker Double Inverted Nad Twist"]
Beavis: Next time we go to a dance, I'm gonna pull down my pants and ask a chick to do the Gorilla.
Butt-head: Beavis, the only dance you know is the Monkey.
Beavis: Oh yeah. I'm gonna do the Monkey right now.
Silverchair, Tomorrow

Beavis: These guys are in a trash can.
Butt-head: Yeah. Somebody probably threw them in the garbage.

Beavis: These guys are pretty cool, but, this lead singer looks like Patrick Swayze and he like-
Butt-head: Shut up, Beavis, these guys are cool!
Danzig, Mother '93

Beavis: These houses look fake, Butt-head.
Butt-head: Of course they do. That's, like, the whole point of college music, to like, make the suburbs look bad.

Beavis: Think she's a diver?
Butt-Head: Ask your mom.
Beavis: Choadsmoker.
[after Beavis and Butt-head inhaled the helium from the balloons to get a buzz]