Beavis: Remember that big Indian dude in that movie?
Butt-head: Mm-hm.
Beavis: He was cool. And then he couldn't talk unless he was talking about gum.
Butt-head: Uhh, I think you're not supposed to call them Indian either.
Beavis: No way, really?
Butt-head: Yeah. You're supposed to call them African American.

Beavis: Remember that cartoon that had that big, fat dude in it and he used to go "Hey Hey Hey!"?
Butt-head: Oh yeah. And then they had that friend with his eyes cut out of his hat and he would go [In wobbling voice] Hey blblblbaby-let's go aroun-blblblblblblblblbl!
Beavis: Yeah. See, they used to have cool cartoons! Cartoons now just suck.

Beavis: See, like, right here, he says, uh...
Buzz Osborne: Exi-tease my ray day member half lost a beat away...
Beavis: Um, exit is my raging member, ban on a TV.
Butt-head: These words rule!
Beavis: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah! Rock!

Beavis: See, look! I think this dude's like, trying to catch this chick, and then, like, do experiments on her.
Butt-head: Oh yeah. That's like that movie we saw, where that dude had that chick in his basement, and he was gonna like, cut her skin off and stuff.
Beavis: See, that was a good movie. It's like, some of those movies, where it's like, "No way!"
Butt-head: Yeah. Like, remember that movie, The Right Stuff?
Beavis: Oh yeah.
Butt-head: That was stupid. That's never gonna happen.
Beavis: Yeah, really. That was dumb. Or like that movie, Alive?
Butt-head: Yeah. It's like, that was a good idea, but that would never happen.
Beavis: Yeah, like a plane would really crash like that.
Smashing Pumpkins, Today

Beavis: See, see right here during this part, they should be playing some like, uh, some old timey piano music, you know. :[Imitates music]

Beavis: She's supposed to be like in high school or something?
Butt-head: Uh...I don't know, she looks pretty old.
Beavis: Yeah, I think you're not allowed to become a whore until you get older.
Butt-head: Uh...you're still pretending she's a whore, Beavis? I thought you'd be pretending you were doing it by now.
Beavis: Well if you would shut up, maybe I would concentrate! Bunghole.
Cinderella, Somebody Save Me

Beavis: So like, in animation you have to draw tons of dead people just to end up with two dead people?!
Butt-head: Animation sucks!

Beavis: So like, in heaven, will all the chicks do anything I want?
St. Peter: No.
Beavis: That sucks. Do I get X-Ray Vision? Can I get some nachos?
St. Peter: No.
Beavis: Are you sure this is heaven?

Beavis: So like, what are some other operations?
Butt-head: Uhh, I think you can have like, uh, your tubes tied.
Beavis: What does that mean?
Butt-head: I think it's like, you have your tubes tied, and then it means you can just go do it anytime you want.
Beavis: Wow. I wanna get that operation. Because I wanna do it right now! I always wanna do it.
Butt-head: Uh, I think you have to have, like, a lot of money. And then I think you also need a chick.
Beavis: Oh, I knew it, see, there's always something, see? There's always some reason why I can't score. Dammit.
Jen Trynin, Happier

Beavis: So what would you bring, Butt-head? You know, if you were on a desert island?
Butt-head: I'd bring three chicks. Then I'd have a massage-a-thra.
Beavis: You know, I wanna do mine over again. I wanna bring three chicks too.
Butt-head: Beavis, you can't do it over again, you already blew it. I'll be scoring with three chicks while you'll be eating crackers and choking your chicken.
Beavis: No way, really? Dammit!
The Goops, Booze Cabana

Beavis: Some day I'd like to be like that. Ya know, a kid finds a dead bird, ya give him 20 bucks for it. Now that's cool.

Beavis: Stewart's dad's dirty magazines.
Butt-head: We've torn out all the pages with butts on them, but there's still plenty of good boobs left.

Beavis: Strike One! Strike Two! Strike Thr... AAAARRGH!
[Butt-head hits Beavis on the back of the head with the bat]

Beavis: That bear is cool.
Butt-head: It takes a lot more than bears to make a video cool, Beavis.
Beavis: What if the bear was, like, taking a dump?
Butt-head: Well, that might work.

Beavis: That cop should hit him.
Butt-head: Yeah!
Kix: COOL! KIDS!
Butt-head: "Krokus"?
Beavis: No, he's saying "cool kids".
Butt-head: These are supposed to be cool kids?
Beavis: Yeah, yeah!
Butt-head: I'd hate to see the un-cool kids! This sucks!
KMFDM, A Drug Against War