Pauline: Hey Angie, did you know I can speak a foreign language?
Angie: Really? I didn't know that, let me hear you.
Pauline: "Hi? How are you? Nice weather we're having."
Angie: "Hi? How are you? Nice weather we're having"? That's not a foreign language!
Pauline: Yes it is, it's English.
Angie: Well, I know it's English.
Pauline: Well, England is a foreign country.

Ross: I got some bad news. The producer and his wife are getting a divorce.
Alasdair: Oh, great! For a minute there, I thought it was something really serious.
Ross: But wait a minute, it is more serious than you guys think. You see, the producer's wife gets half of everything he owns, and that includes this show. (Suddenly, we hear someone moaning.)
Christine: What was that?
Ross: The producer. They just told him.
Lisa: I still don't get it. So she gets half of the show. What's the big deal?
Ross: The big deal is she's taking her half of this show right now.
Christine: Okay, Ross. You tell us. Which half of the show does she get?
(Suddenly, the left half of the screen goes blank, and Alasdair, Lisa and Marjorie disappear.)
Ross: That half.

[Lisa and Marjorie are in the living room]
Lisa: Marjorie, I thought you said that your parents were getting a separation.
Marjorie: They are, but since neither of them could afford to move out, they separated the house.
[Camera switches to a wider shot, revealing that the living room is divided straight down the middle by a solid white line, which divides the sofa and table in half. In one chair, on the same side of the house as the TV, sits Valerie, knitting, and in the other chair on the other side of the white line sits Lance, reading the paper. Lisa and Marjorie are seated on Valerie's half of the couch.]
Valerie: Marjorie dear, I'm afraid your little friend is going to have to go home now.
Marjorie: Aw Mom, she just got here!
Valerie: Marjorie dear, you know the rules - no company after eight o'clock.
Marjorie: All right. Dad?
Lance: Yeah? What is it, Marjorie?
Marjorie: Can we come over to play?
Lance: Why sure, kid! You know what I always say, my house is your house.
Marjorie: Bye Mom!
Valerie: Bye dear.
[The girls get up, cross the white line and move to the other side of the sofa.]
Marjorie: Dad, this is my friend Lisa.
[The girls sit down on the couch. Marjorie sits right on the dividing white line, Valerie cautions "Uh-uh-uh!" and Marjorie scoots back over to the other side.]
Lisa: Marjorie, I can't see the TV.
Marjorie: Oh yeah, I know that. Mom got custody.
Lance: [holding up his beer can] But I got custody of the fridge. Heh heh.

[Vanessa and Eugene are on the school bus and are wearing TV wristwatches.]
Vanessa: These new wristwatch televisions are great. I don't miss the soaps anymore.
Eugene: And I don't miss the football games anymore.
[Snakeeyes is also wearing one and watching it but he is not watching the road.]
Snakeeyes: And I don't miss... [looks ahead] ...THE TREES ANYMORE!! [they crash into a tree.]

[(Lisa and Alasdair run to the front door, holding buckets filled with body parts. The ring the doorbell and Valerie answers it.)]
Valerie:: Yes?
Alasdair: Oh well, hi, we're on a spare body parts run, and we wonder whether you have anything to donate.
Valerie:: Well, yes I do. (Grabs Lance by his shoulders) A complete set. (Lance complains she Valerie shuts the door)

[Alasdair's weather machine has it very hot in the studio.]
Christine: Lisa, I can't believe how hot it is today.
Lisa: Christine, it has got to be at least a hundred degrees.
Christine: You know, with my frail health, I can die in this weather.
Lisa: There has got to be a way to cool off.
Christine: (thinking) There is! Come here. (whispers to Lisa)
Lisa: Good idea! okay.
Christine and Lisa: Water! (nothing happens) Water? WATER!!
Christine: Oh. Ross, what is going on here?
Ross: It is this heat Christine. We have to conserve water. Which is more important, a cheap gag or conserving one of our most natural resources?
Lisa: I don't know, I guess you're right.
[Lisa is slimed]
Christine: Well apparently, there's no slime shortage. But you've got problems Lisa. There's no water in the showers.

[Blip's Arkaid]
Alasdair: All right, one more point and fifty free games!
(Blip hearing this runs over and shuts the power off momentarily)
Kids: BLIP!!
Blip: Sorry kids, a little power failure. Thunderstorm if you ask me.
Alasdair: A little power failure? My score just went down to zero and I lost fifty free games!
Blip: What can I do? It's the weather!
Alasdair: I don't know why Blip just shuts off the power and then blames it on the weather.
Lisa: But it is the weather. Weather we are about to win any free games or not.

[Christine is shoveling snow during a blizzard in the studio.]
Alasdair: (with his weather machine) Christine! I finally figured out how to stop the snow!
Christine: Well would you hurry up?! My arms are getting tired!
Alasdair: All right! You turn the dial to heat wave. There! (The blizzard stops.)
Christine: Oh it worked! Oh but Alasdair, there's only one problem. Where does all the snow go when it melts?
Alasdair: It turns into water!
[Alasdair is drenched]
Christine: Well, at least you didn't get green slimed.
Alasdair: You know, sometimes I don't know which is worse.
[Alasdair is slimed]
Christine: Well, now you know.

[Everyone is ready to go swimming in the studio pool. However, Ross brings out a small Care Bears wading pool]
Christine: Ross, this is a pool for a little child.
Ross: This is a program for a little child.
Christine: Ross, we can't go swimming in this pool. There's no...liquid in it.
Ross: Oh. Well...then nobody's going to drown.

[Snakeeyes' bus is stuck in a snowbank and he tries to push it out.]
Snakeeyes: All right kids, You're going to have to come out and help me push.
Lisa: We are always getting stuck in the snow Snakeeyes. Can't the school board buy some snow tires?
Snakeeyes: Oh they wanted to buy snow tires, but I told them, "No thank you!".
Lisa: Why?
Snakeeyes: Oh you kids are so stupid. I mean snow tires, how long do you think they'd last? Tires made out of snow. First two days of summer, they'd melt.
Lisa: Where does the school board find him? And why do they let him drive a bus?