Bailey: Have you noticed that you can't tell what color someone is over the phone?
Venus: I guess not.
Bailey: That's right! Stereotype thinking! I mean, when I heard Black Life Magazine, I was expecting him to be like "Hey, little momma, you tell the dude I'll be here at fo'." But he didn't. He sounded just like you!
Venus: What does she mean "just like me?" I'm black, I'm from the street, I can say "fo'!"
Johnny: That's right, Kingfish. You is, and you does. But the problem is, you sound neutral.
Venus: Neutral. You mean 'white.'
Johnny: Well, don't worry, pal. I've heard you say "upside your head," things like that. Don't worry, you can pass for black.
Venus: I don't want to "pass for black," I want to be black! What the hell am I saying?

Bailey: I...I just wanted to say.. um thanks Johnny! When I first came to WKRP, I didn't know a think about radio stations, and I guess I was just a little shy back then. [sighs] But... you took the time to show me the ropes, and you gave me the kind of confidence I needed. You're a real friend, Johnny, and I wish you wouldn't go. When I think of WKRP, I...I think of you, and I guess I always will.
Mr. Carlson: Is it working?...Is he going to stay?

Bailey: Jennifer, if you don't mind, I think I'm gonna cry.
Jennifer: Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey: Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer: That's the way men do it.

Bailey: Just pretend you're talking to one person. A friend. Me.
Johnny: Okay.
Bailey: That's how you told me to do it. Now you do it.
Johnny: Okay, I'll give it a try.
Bailey: Just talk to me.
Johnny: This is, uh, your Doctor speaking. Hello, and good afternoon, Cincinnati. I sure would like to take you home and kiss you all over in the dark.

Bailey: What's he like on a date?
Jennifer: Very gallant. Later he took me to this intimate little place. I had a martini, and Les had a hot chocolate. Then he took me home.
Bailey: Oh. Did he come up to your apartment?
Jennifer: Oh, I invited him. But on the way up the stairs his knees sort of gave out. But he took a rain check.

Bailey: You don't like parties? You don't like putting on a silly hat, hiding behind furniture, and generally stripping yourself of every shred of human dignity?
Johnny: Now that you put it that way, I do like that.

Berwick: It's your radical affiliations, Mr. Nessman.
Andy: What radical affiliations?
Les: Well, I am a member of the Hoedown Square-Dancing Club.

Carmen: I didn't join that sorority, because...
Mr. Carlson: Because you felt sorry for me.
Carmen: No! Because to get in I had to show up with a loser, a dip, a clown.
Mr. Carlson: Thanks, Carmen!
Carmen: And one minute after you picked me up, I knew you were none of those things. You were for me.

Del: I've been checking around. I don't see how you guys can do these commercials so cheap.
Johnny: Oh, you'll understand when you see the response you get.

Dr. Monroe: My, uh, studies establish without a shadow of a doubt, that children are, by adult standards, insane. And more than a little immature!
Johnny: And that's bad?
Dr. Monroe: Well, sure.
Johnny: Well, so what should we do about it?
Dr. Monroe: Round the little guttersnipes up.
Johnny: So, tell me, Doctor. Wh-where did you receive your degree?
Dr. Monroe: In Long Beach, California, Doctor.
Johnny: Long Beach State College.
Dr. Monroe: Oh, ho-ho. No, no, no, no. From a man at the Casa de Soma Apartments.

Guard in lobby: Where'd you get a jacket like that? I mean, do they sell them somewhere?
Herb: Of course, they sell them somewhere.
Guard in lobby: Where?
Herb: Yeah. I tell you, you tell somebody else, pretty soon the whole world is dressing like me.

Herb Sr.: You know, my son speaks about you all the time.
Bailey: He does?
Herb Sr.: No, he doesn't, but he should. My son is a little bit of a jerk.

Herb: [drunk] And that's why I say with the proper military backing, we can go anywhere in the world and say, "We are Americans! Give us your girls!"

Herb: [reading] "What to do in case of an enemy attack in Cincinnati." Who's going to attack us, Dayton?
Les: Maybe.
Herb: Well, if they come down here, we'll kick their butts.

Herb: Boy, where have you been?
Jennifer: Out with other men, Herb... letting them have their way with me.