Karen: [knocks on the washing machine door glass] Where are the fish?
Jack: No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes. Then they reuse them.
Karen: Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?

Karen: [laughs] Kids are dumb.

Karen: [On the phone] Rosario. Hi, honey. Listen, I'm running a little late. Yeah, things are muy loco at the oficina. Mmm, listen, I'm gonna need you to feed the kids and read 'em something before bedtime... Well, I don't know, honey. Why don't you read them that book they love? "Green Eggs and I'm Hammered." No, Rosario, now why would I want to speak to them?

Karen: Actually honey I'm feeling much better. Yah, I just talked to Stan, he had a good day in prison today. He and a convicted junk bond trader smuggled a glazed ham out of the kitchen. So honey, if you want to leave, I know you have things to do. I mean - there's fashion mistakes to be made and it's probably happy hour at some gay bar.

Karen: Beverley Leslie, with your pants so tight, won't you be my partner tonight?
Beverly: Ooh, I would be honored.
Leo: You think we can take 'em?
Grace: Please. Between the two of us, we've got eight feet on them.

Karen: Don't worry, Jackie, I'll kick coffee too! I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's straight. It'll still be the best part of waking up!

Karen: Gosh, I don't think I've ever been stressed out. I mean, why would I be? I got practically no responsibilities, my job's a breeze, and I got a killer rack! Good morning!
Grace: Oh, when you smile, you have the cutest little wrinkle right there!
Karen: Where? [runs to mirror]
Grace: Feel that? That's stress.

Karen: Grace! It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus, up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidl and see if there's six more weeks of winter.

Karen: Grace, desperate times call for desperate measures. It's time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!

Karen: Grace, the bitch we hate is on line one.

Karen: He's my nephew, and I love him like a son of a bitch! And I mean that literally. Stan's sister's a bitch.

Karen: HEY, PREGGO, WHAT? YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?

Karen: Hey, Wilma, I need your help! Remember Loraine Finster, the dame who stole my husband and tried to bump me off? Well, I think I found her, a private dick said he dug up an "L. Finster" at the Hotel Kickerbocker. Come on, let's go down there and give her what-for!
Will: As much as I'd love to put on a trenchcoat and look for your grip on reality, I can't. I've got to take care of Mom.
Karen: Oh, how sweet, a gay man living with his mother..would you like me to pre-heat the oven or do you want to just jump right in?

Karen: Hey. Hey, you're on the clock, tamale. Get to work!
Rosario: Listen, lady, I'll squash you like a wormy apple.
Karen: [suddenly emotional] Oh, Will, don't let them take my sunshine away!
Rosario: [embraces her] I love my mommy!

Karen: Hi, what's going on? What's happening? What's the emergency?
Grace: I think I'm in trouble.
Karen: Well, you came to the right place. Here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna change your name, get you a new face and ship you out of the country. Here's your passport.
Grace: [reading passport] "Rosario Salazar." This is your maid's.
Karen: She don't need it. She ain't going anywhere.