Kelly: Well, I manage my department, and I've been doing that for several years now. And, God, I've learned a lot of life lessons along the way.
Jim: Your department's just you, right?
Kelly: Yes, Jim, but I am not easy to manage.

Kevin: I have very little patience for stupidity.

Michael: [as Michael Scarn] It's going to take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael Scarn!

Michael: [imitating Yoda] Holly Flax, marrying me will you be?
Holly: [also imitating] Your wife becoming be will I.
[Michael puts the ring on Holly's finger, and they kiss as everyone else pours in to congratulate them]
Michael: So, guys, guys, guys, guys, we're moving to Colorado.
Kevin: All of us?
Michael: Yep.
Jim: Wait, what?
Michael: Holly has to go back to Colorado. I'm going with her. I'm leaving.

Michael: [voice-over as he leaves the office in a cab, arrives at the airport, and goes through security] Well, got almost everybody, so...Holly's my family now. She's my family, and the babies that I make with her will be my children. The people that you work with are just, when you get down to it, your very best friends. They say on your deathbed, you never wish you spent more time at the office, but I will. Got to be a lot better than a deathbed. I actually don't understand deathbeds. I mean, who would buy that? [Cut to Michael at last checkpoint putting his shoes back on] Well, I guess this is it. Hey, will you guys let me know if this ever airs? Thank you. All right...oh. [Removes the wireless mic from his jacket] This is gonna feel so good getting this thing off my chest. [Hands device over. No audio] That's what she said. Bye.
[He walks a few steps until Pam, shoes in hand, catches up to him. The dialogue is not heard as they share a couple of hugs and a kiss on the cheek, and he walks down the airport as Pam looks on.]
Pam: No, he wasn't sad. He was full of hope...about Colorado, and he was hoping to get an upgrade as an awards member. And he said he was just real excited to get home and see Holly.

Michael: Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing.

Michael: Having Luke here is a pretty big deal for me, because his mother - who also happens to be my half-sister - kind of cut me off from that side of the family 15 years ago...14. The last time I saw Luke was the opening day of "Ace Ventura II" and that was '95, so yes, 15 years on the dot. Anyway, I lost him in a forest.

Michael: Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet, and the office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

Michael: I am a huge Woody Allen fan, although I've only seen Antz. But I'll tell you something. What I respect most about that man is that when was going through that stuff from the press that said Antz was basically a rip-off of Bug's Life, he stood true to his films, or at least the one I saw, which again is Antz. The thing is, I thought Bug's Life was better. Much better than Antz. Point is, don't listen to your critics. Listen to your fans.

Michael: If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.

Michael: Sorry we're late, we were waiting in line at the DMV
Deangelo: Fall asleep right after sex...right guys?
Jim: Nope, go back to the script

Michael: Thank you, doctor. Take two of these [flips Toby off with both middle fingers] and call me in the morning.

Michael: This morning, Danny Cordray stole a sale from me. So what do I do? I go out and I steal Danny Cordray. The sale that mattered, I made. Boom. Funny thing about it, we don't even need him. We already have Packer on the road. Guh! Crap, I forgot about Packer...

Michael: Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness.

Nellie Bertram: First, I'll take down the cubicle walls. Singular transparency. There'd be no titles. Everyone has the same job. Same goes for me. I'll take your job by rejecting the title. Everyone will be known for their accomplishments.
Jim: That's very interesting. Um, I feel like there might be a conflict there. And if a conflict did arise, how would that be dealt with?
Nellie Bertram: Oh... yeah... Scratch everything from before. I'll tell you what: Go the other way. More cubicles. More division. Everyone is somebody's boss. And that person can fire the person below them. And once a month, the lowest person... [Imitates cutting throat] Buh-bye.