Dwight: You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.

Erin: Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special and she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7 and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.

Erin: So tell me about your new girlfriend.
Andy: She's neat. I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there.
Erin: Aw, cute.

Erin: Who's Holly, guys?
Michael: That is a good question, Erin. How do you describe somebody who is at the same time an old friend, and was a lover, and was a complicated part of my past, and maybe - just maybe - a part of my future?

Gabe: Shut up about the sun. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!!
Season 8

Gabe: What are your weaknesses?
Kelly: I don't have any, asshole.

Gabe: When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room, okay, so these old guys are walking around naked. Feels almost passive-agressive. But I deal with it, because it's policy. See what I mean?
Jim: Nope.
Gabe: Nudity makes me uncomfortable.
Jim: Okay.
Gabe: My gym allows it. I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So I respect it and I just...look away. Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room.

Holly: Michael, I have been dating A.J. for a year and a half now. You do this, you know.
Michael: Do what?
Holly: You romanticize things.
Michael: I don't romanticize th...No...
Holly: Michael, you cried at that tagline for a movie you made up.
Michael: "He had no arms or legs. He couldn't hear, see, or speak. This is how he led a nation."

Jim: [as Goldenface] Oh, someone's coming alright. The only man who would care: Michael Scarn. See, I'm gonna lure him here, then I kill everybody, then I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife and I'm gonna hump her real good.
[cut to Jim in interview]
Jim: I did not love the dialogue. Or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist who will remain nameless.

Jim: Around here, Oscar is known as "Actually" because he will insert himself into just about any conversation to add facts or correct grammar. He really does fit that old stereotype of the smug gay Mexican.

Jim: Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No, a week. Just feels like three months. Let's see, we all have to punch in to a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now "Junior Employee". Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine's at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours.

Jim: So I've been meaning to tell you, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.
Michael: Oh...
Jim: What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?
Michael: Okay...
Jim: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today, right?
Michael: Maybe.
Jim: Wow, so that's it, huh? Just four o'clock and you are gone for good.
Michael: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes...goodbyes are a bitch.
Michael: [pulls out a tape recorder and speaks into it] T-shirt idea: "Goodbyes Stink." [puts tape recorder away] Okay, alright. So, James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company as a fine young man...
Jim: You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.
Michael: Oh, okay.
Jim: And then tomorrow, I can tell you...[tears up]...what a great boss you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had.

Jim: So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
Pam: So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes...The Horse Flyer.

Jim: Well this isn't my best, but call Froggy 101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets. We give him a number to call for the tickets and it's his own number.
Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: ...He's a crime fighting beaver.

Jo: Dwight! Walk me out. Let's talk soon. And stay on top of these people. You gotta admit it - it's nice to have a little power, eh? How's it feel?
Dwight: Jo, I accidentally fired a gun in the office today.
Jo: What?!
Dwight: I am telling you this because I care too much about this job to be blackmailed into doing it poorly. All I've ever wanted was to be manager here. And if you feel that you cannot promote me over this one accident, I understand. But if you think that extortion is worse...
Jo: Shooting is worse! Are you kidding me? It's not even in the same...you shot a gun? What is wrong with you?
Dwight: It was a Beaumont-Adams, if that helps.
Jo: Beaumont-Adams is a girl's gun. That just makes it plain stupid.
Dwight: I take full responsibility.
Jo: Who else would be responsible?
Dwight: Pam made me put a banana in my holster.
Pam: You shot a gun off.
Dwight: OK, did I make a mistake? Yes. Do I regret the decision that I made? Yes.
Jo: Oh, stop asking yourself easy questions so you can look like a genius.
Dwight: Got it.