Jim: Dwight, Don't you need health insurance?
Dwight: Don't need it. Perfect immunity. I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam: Why would you need to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight: So I can lower it.

Jim: I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually Plan C, the church was Plan B, and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.

Jim: I just wanna say how happy we are, that all of you are here tonight. And I want to especially thank those of you who have traveled from far away to be here with us tonight. Especially the Florida cousins, who obviously can't take a hint. Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl, who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to wait. Don't get me wrong, I flirted with her. Pam, I can now admit in front of friends and family, that I do know how to make a photocopy. Didn't need your help that many times. And, uh, do you remember how long it took you to teach me how to drive stick?
Pam: Like a year!
Jim: I've been driving stick since high school, so... For a really long time that's all I had. Little moments with a girl who saw me as a friend. And a lot of people told me I was crazy to wait this long for a date with a girl I work with, but I think even then I knew that...I was waiting for my wife.

Jim: I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win.

Jim: I was just, um... I'm in love with you.
Pam: What?
Jim: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that, I just--
Pam: What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam: Well, I, um--I can't...
Jim: Yeah.
Pam: You have no idea--
Jim: Don't do that.
Pam: --what your friendship means to me.
Jim: Come on. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that.
Season 3

Jim: Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor. And Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight. Now, this baby will be related to Michael through delusion.

Jim: Last week, Dwight found half a joint in the parking lot. And as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is scarier than most people using drugs.

Jim: My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. [sighs] He is very real.

Jim: Oh, so Dwight gave me this wooden mallard as a gift. I found a recording device in it. Yes. So, I think if I play it just right, I can get Dwight to live out the plot of National Treasure.
Pam: You need to be more upset about this. She's your mother too now. Your mother is sleeping with Michael Scott.

Jim: Okay, okay, okay. Why don't we just put this to a vote, and then we'll be done with it.
Angela: I'm not voting.
Jim: No one cares.

Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway...... I wonder who he ran over then

Jim: Pam comes back from New York next week. And everyone here has just been so excited for me, and involved, and intrusive, and weird.

Jim: Question, what kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False. Black bear.
Dwight: That's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought.
Jim: Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

Jim: So I've been meaning to tell you, I wanna take you out for lunch. For your last day.
Michael: Oh...
Jim: What do you think? Tomorrow? Lunch, you and me?
Michael: Okay...
Jim: You're not leaving tomorrow. You're leaving today, right?
Michael: Maybe.
Jim: Wow, so that's it, huh? Just four o'clock and you are gone for good.
Michael: Why am I so sad? Am I doing the wrong thing?
Jim: Absolutely not. It's just that sometimes...goodbyes are a bitch.
Michael: [pulls out a tape recorder and speaks into it] T-shirt idea: "Goodbyes Stink." [puts tape recorder away] Okay, alright. So, James Halpert. [starts to cry] You started with this company as a fine young man...
Jim: You know what I think we should do? I think we should just save the goodbyes for tomorrow. At lunch.
Michael: Oh, okay.
Jim: And then tomorrow, I can tell you...[tears up]...what a great boss you turned out to be. The best boss I ever had.

Jim: So this is my life. Until I win the lottery. Or Pam finally writes that series of young adult books.
Pam: So one afternoon, while walking home from school, quirky 10th grader Becky Walters finds a wounded Pegasus in the woods. And she becomes...The Horse Flyer.