Gonzo: Thank you! Thank you! And now, students of the occult, I shall demonstrate my amazing, powers of hypnosis. I shall place a member of the audience in a chance, aided only by the mysterious strength of hypnotic suggestion. My subject would support with only one hand, this 5000 pound weight. Who will the 1st, lucky volunteer? It's just a question of mind over matter.
Waldorf: That's right! You don't mind and we don't matter!
Gonzo: You'll live to regret this!
Statler: We intend to.
Gonzo: But I just do not understand, you people! Immortality is out for grahams! But you don't deserve it!
Waldorf:' No, but you do!
Gonzo: What a te-riffic idea! I'll hit the times myself. I'll go down in history! Ahem. Fifty print to my eyes! Make one mind the complete plate, when eye-lids are getting heavy. I am falling into my power, when I count 3, I will have the strength of an army! 1, 2, 3! Release the ropes!
Statler: That's very impressive! But how do you get out of it?
Gonzo: It's simple. I just snap my fingers! Ungh! Hey, Kermit, it went terrific!
Later Seasons Episodes 316 - 524 (Seasons 3-5: 1979-1981)

Gonzo: Well, she's nothing like you at all. She is beautiful, and she's got this cute little nose... [sniffs] and she's intelligent... [sniffs] and talented...

Gonzo: What's the soup du jour?
Gladys: Same as yesterday.
Gonzo: Good, I'll have that and a chicken.
Gladys: How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?
Gonzo: I want the chicken for company!

Harvey Korman [as Maurice the Magnificent]: Speak. Speak you demon, SPEAK!
Thog: [gulps] I hardly know where to begin.

J.P. [on the phone]: Yeah, well, sell the hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue, buy all your railroads, and don't forget the 200 dollars, and let him go straight to jail.

Janice: I mean, you know, Kermit, sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from.
Kermit: Well, it's just a regular backstage space.

Janice: That man is annoying me.
Zoot: He isn't even looking at you.
Janice: That's what's annoying me.

Jean: It's about this next number - I would really rather not do it.
Kermit: What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?
Jean: Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.

John Cleese: I'd be Long John Silverstine! Deadliest pirate of the seven seas!
Link: You can't be a pirate!
John: Of course I'm a pirate! I have a hat, a parrot and a hook. What else should I be? A management consultant?

Kermit: [after Juliet called him "the Robert Redford of frogs"] You're gonna be coming back on this show a LOT!

Kermit: A tap-dancing chicken act? Gonzo, I've never heard of anything as ridiculous as a dancing chicken.
Gonzo: How about a talking frog?

Kermit: Boy, it wasn't spooky like this when Julie Andrews did the show!
Sam the Eagle: [to Alice] You sir, are a freako!
Alice: Why, thank you!
Sam the Eagle [ashamed of this reaction]: Freakos: one, civilization: zero! [leaves Alice Cooper behind]

Kermit: Can we get back to the subject at hand... Florence?
Florence: Well, there's no question in my mind!
Kermit: [after a pause] As to what?
Florence: Nothing! There's no question in my mind! Ha ha! No answers either.

Kermit: Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.
Gonzo: But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

Kermit: Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!
Bo: Oh, good.
Kermit: Yeah. Just look at this mess.
Bo: Okay, that sounds easy enough.