Annie Sue: [to Miss Piggy] I never thought it could happen. I've been an admirer of yours ever since I was a little baby, you know?

Door Guard: Liberace uses no chickens in his concert.
Gonzo: Oh, then maybe he'll see me.
Guard: He's only seeing birds.
Gonzo: I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.
Guard: You are not a real turkey.
Gonzo: Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?

Fozzie: [handing Rowlf a script] Hey, guys, guys � here is the musical moment for this week.
Rowlf the Dog: Uh... [reading] Curtains open. Lew Zealand and Rowlf do something funny. Curtains close.
Fozzie: Go get them!
Kermit: And we leave nothing to chance, huh?
Fozzie: Trust me.

Fozzie: You see, my problem was my need to tell jokes.
Floyd: Yeah! And that was our problem, too! [laughs]

Gilda: [to Bunsen] Well, do you see. I don't mind assisting, but I'm not crazy about the idea of guinea-pigging.

Gonzo: Thank you! Thank you! And now, students of the occult, I shall demonstrate my amazing, powers of hypnosis. I shall place a member of the audience in a chance, aided only by the mysterious strength of hypnotic suggestion. My subject would support with only one hand, this 5000 pound weight. Who will the 1st, lucky volunteer? It's just a question of mind over matter.
Waldorf: That's right! You don't mind and we don't matter!
Gonzo: You'll live to regret this!
Statler: We intend to.
Gonzo: But I just do not understand, you people! Immortality is out for grahams! But you don't deserve it!
Waldorf:' No, but you do!
Gonzo: What a te-riffic idea! I'll hit the times myself. I'll go down in history! Ahem. Fifty print to my eyes! Make one mind the complete plate, when eye-lids are getting heavy. I am falling into my power, when I count 3, I will have the strength of an army! 1, 2, 3! Release the ropes!
Statler: That's very impressive! But how do you get out of it?
Gonzo: It's simple. I just snap my fingers! Ungh! Hey, Kermit, it went terrific!
Later Seasons Episodes 316 - 524 (Seasons 3-5: 1979-1981)

Gonzo: What's the soup du jour?
Gladys: Same as yesterday.
Gonzo: Good, I'll have that and a chicken.
Gladys: How do you want your chicken? Baked, broiled, or barbecued?
Gonzo: I want the chicken for company!

Janice: I mean, you know, Kermit, sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from.
Kermit: Well, it's just a regular backstage space.

Jean: It's about this next number - I would really rather not do it.
Kermit: What, you mean the number with the pigs dressed as pirates, and the chickens playing some bagpipes, and you dancing with a 7-foot door knob?
Jean: Hmm. It's just one cliche after another.

Kermit: Boy, it wasn't spooky like this when Julie Andrews did the show!
Sam the Eagle: [to Alice] You sir, are a freako!
Alice: Why, thank you!
Sam the Eagle [ashamed of this reaction]: Freakos: one, civilization: zero! [leaves Alice Cooper behind]

Kermit: Gonzo, I should never have let you talk me into doing the show from a railroad depot.
Gonzo: But it was the only place available! They were having a tournament at the bowling alley.

Kermit: Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!
Bo: Oh, good.
Kermit: Yeah. Just look at this mess.
Bo: Okay, that sounds easy enough.

Kermit: I just want to know more about this wedding sketch, I mean. I've got to learn my lines, Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Well.. you only have one line.
Kermit: I do?
Miss Piggy: Exactly.

Kermit: Uh, Gonzo, that is terrible! I'm not going to introduce you for a crummy act like that!
Gonzo: Sick 'em!
...
Kermit: O.K! O.K! O.K! O.K! I'll introduce him.
Chicken: Meow!!
Kermit: Ungh! And now, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, uh, your one and you're welcome to him, Gonzo the Great! Off, off, off, off, off!!

Kermit: What's all this smoke?
Fozzie: Uh... that is not smoke.
Kermit: It is not smoke? Then what is it?
Fozzie: It's jet exhaust.
Kermit: Jet exhaust?
Fozzie: Oh, look out! Here comes another one!