- Yes. With a 108 angry countries, there's bound to be trouble.
- Where is the land of the rising sun?

- You believe that?
- No, I was lying.
- Well, that was different.

- You plan to like this show?
- No, I plan to watch television!
- Personally I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them believable.

- You should know! You dated his sister!
- Boy, was she ugly.
- (Gonzo has performed a dangerous stunt and hurt himself)

- Yup, and I already got tickets.
- You did? Are they good seats?
- They sure are, they're for the next train out of town!
- Yeah, that was different. Lousy...

Annie Sue: [to Miss Piggy] I never thought it could happen. I've been an admirer of yours ever since I was a little baby, you know?

Bert: Ernie... did I make a complete fool of myself?
Ernie: [patting Bert's shoulder] Absolutely, Bert.

Cloris: All right then, I'll spell it out for you. You are a pig. P-I-G. You are not a frog. F-R-O-G. No, you are not a frog, and nothing that you say will ever convince me that you a frog. Nothing!
Kermit the Pig: Ribbit? Ribbit, rib-bit?
Cloris: Oh, Kermit, it is you!
Season 3 (1979-1980)

Dancer: I hear you come from a broken home.
Animal: Yeah, I broke it myself!

Door Guard: Liberace uses no chickens in his concert.
Gonzo: Oh, then maybe he'll see me.
Guard: He's only seeing birds.
Gonzo: I'm a bird. Yeah, I am a, I am a turkey.
Guard: You are not a real turkey.
Gonzo: Are you kidding? Have you seen my act?

Dr Bob: This is D for Doc B for Bob saying turn off the Joy Juice [laughs then puts gas mask to his left ear] Hmm? [speaks into it] Ten-Roger, Ok where were we? Pulse?
Nurse Piggy: [checks pulse] (gasps) No pulse Dr Bob
Dr Bob: Hmmm, Heartbeat?
Nurse Janice: [checks heartbeat] No heartbeat Dr Bob
Dr Bob: No pulse, no heartbeat, no use. He's gone!
Nurse Janice: And Dr Bob your record was so good, you saved nine out of ten
Dr Bob: My record is still good, this week he was ten
Announcer: And so Dr Bob's record is still good, it is top on the medical fame, with a bullet, tune in next when we will hear nurse Piggy say...
Nurse Piggy: I hope nobody hears about this Dr Bob
Dr Bob: At least he wont say anything, hahaha!
Nurse Piggy: I get it! haha! I get it! (laughs with him)

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Think of the safety. Think of the sense of well-being. And, at last, your family can be protected from the heartbreak of gorilla invasion.

Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, I'm just bubbly with excitement.

Dr. Teeth: Hey, hey, what's this bummer called again?
Floyd: Minuet in G Major.
Dr. Teeth: Uh, we'll send it back in to the minors.

First Mate Piggy: All right, that does it. I refuse to continue this sketch, did you hear me?
Capt. Link Hogthrob: Sketch? What sketch? This is the Swinetrek, we're lost in endless space!
Piggy: This is a cheap-shot comedy sketch, and I'll lay you odds the frog wrote it!