The Cosby Show quotes
222 total quotesTheo: Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five-hundred dollars.
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?
Theo: Hey, if Dad lets you go, I'll give you five-hundred dollars.
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?
Denise: You don't have five-hundred dollars!
Theo: Do I look worried?
Theo: Hi mom!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!
Theo: Hi mom!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!
Claire: Hi. Where are you going?
Theo: Down the street to play touch football.
Claire: Theo, it's five degrees out there!
Theo: I got two pairs of socks on.
Claire: Well you are putting on gloves and a hat.
Theo: Mom, this is freeze football. If you wear a lot of stuff, you're not a real man!
Claire: Well how's a real man gonna feel when his mother shows up on the field carrying his gloves and a hat?
[Theo puts on the gloves and a hat; Cliff enters the front door]
Theo: Hey dad.
Cliff: Hey, where you going?
Theo: Freeze football.
Cliff: You can't play freeze football like that, you gotta take all that stuff off!
Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
Theo: I mean, you're a doctor and Mom's a lawyer, but I don't love you any less because you're my dad. So instead of being disappointed that I'm not like you, maybe you should be happy and love me anyway, because I'm your son.
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
Cliff: Theo... That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life! No wonder you get D's in everything! You're afraid to try because you're afraid your brain is going to explode and it's going to ooze out of your ears. Now I'm telling you, you are going to try as hard as you can. And you're going to do it because I said so. I am your father. I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!
Vanessa: Dad can I talk to you for a minute?
Cliff: Sure.
Vanessa: Privately? It's about boys.
Rudy: Excuuuuuse me.
Cliff: Sure.
Vanessa: Privately? It's about boys.
Rudy: Excuuuuuse me.
Vanessa: Dad can I talk to you for a minute?
Cliff: Sure.
Vanessa: Privately? It's about boys.
Rudy: Excuuuuuse me.
Cliff: Sure.
Vanessa: Privately? It's about boys.
Rudy: Excuuuuuse me.
Vanessa: Theo is babysitting?!
Cliff: That's right.
Vanessa: But what if the house catches fire?
Cliff: Then Theo will call the fire department!
Vanessa: Well what if burglars break in?
Cliff: Then Theo will un-arm them!
Vanessa: Well what if they know karate?
Cliff: Then Theo will die!
Cliff: That's right.
Vanessa: But what if the house catches fire?
Cliff: Then Theo will call the fire department!
Vanessa: Well what if burglars break in?
Cliff: Then Theo will un-arm them!
Vanessa: Well what if they know karate?
Cliff: Then Theo will die!
Vanessa: Theo is babysitting?!
Cliff: That's right.
Vanessa: But what if the house catches fire?
Cliff: Then Theo will call the fire department!
Vanessa: Well what if burglars break in?
Cliff: Then Theo will un-arm them!
Vanessa: Well what if they know karate?
Cliff: Then Theo will die!
Cliff: That's right.
Vanessa: But what if the house catches fire?
Cliff: Then Theo will call the fire department!
Vanessa: Well what if burglars break in?
Cliff: Then Theo will un-arm them!
Vanessa: Well what if they know karate?
Cliff: Then Theo will die!
[Claire is babysitting a baby]
Claire: Oh just holding him sets off all these weird stirs, and I wonder if I don't want another one...
Cliff: Uhh, let me help you. You don't.
Claire: So, you're saying you don't want another one?
Cliff: Claire, sometimes I don't even want the ones we have now.
Claire: Oh just holding him sets off all these weird stirs, and I wonder if I don't want another one...
Cliff: Uhh, let me help you. You don't.
Claire: So, you're saying you don't want another one?
Cliff: Claire, sometimes I don't even want the ones we have now.
[Claire is babysitting a baby]
Claire: Oh just holding him sets off all these weird stirs, and I wonder if I don't want another one...
Cliff: Uhh, let me help you. You don't.
Claire: So, you're saying you don't want another one?
Cliff: Claire, sometimes I don't even want the ones we have now.
Claire: Oh just holding him sets off all these weird stirs, and I wonder if I don't want another one...
Cliff: Uhh, let me help you. You don't.
Claire: So, you're saying you don't want another one?
Cliff: Claire, sometimes I don't even want the ones we have now.
[Cliff and Theo are discussing Theo's grades and his possible future]
Cliff: You graduate from High school; let's say you just slide by. Now you gotta find a job. Now what kind of salary do you expect for a regular person?
Theo: Uhh, $250 a week.
Cliff: Sit down. [giving Theo Monopoly money] I'm gonna give you $300 a week. Yes indeed. $300 a week, $1200 dollars a month.
Theo: Great! I'll take it!
Cliff: Yes you will, and I will take [takes some of the money] $350 for taxes.
Theo: Whoa!
Cliff: Uh, yeah. You see, the government comes for the regular people first. Now how much does that leave you with?
Theo: $850.
Cliff:: All right. Now you have got to have an apartment, because you are not going to live here. [taking more money] So an apartment in Manhattan will run you at least $400 a month.
Theo: I'll live in New Jersey. [takes back $200]
Cliff: All right, you live in New Jersey, you've got to have a car. [takes $300]
Theo: I'll ride a motorbike. [takes back $100]
Cliff: You need a helmet. [Cliff takes $50] Figure $100 a month for clothes and shoes. [takes $100]
Theo: Figure $200 a month, I want to look good! [give Cliff $100]
Cliff: So what's that leave you with?
Theo: $200. So, no problem!
Cliff: There is a problem, you haven't eaten yet! [Cliff takes $100]
Theo: I can get by on baloney and cereal. [takes back $100] So I've got everything under control PLUS $200 left for the month.
Cliff: You plan to have a girlfriend?
Theo: For sure.
[Cliff takes the remaining $200]
Cliff: [pointing at Theo's empty hand] Regular people.
Cliff: You graduate from High school; let's say you just slide by. Now you gotta find a job. Now what kind of salary do you expect for a regular person?
Theo: Uhh, $250 a week.
Cliff: Sit down. [giving Theo Monopoly money] I'm gonna give you $300 a week. Yes indeed. $300 a week, $1200 dollars a month.
Theo: Great! I'll take it!
Cliff: Yes you will, and I will take [takes some of the money] $350 for taxes.
Theo: Whoa!
Cliff: Uh, yeah. You see, the government comes for the regular people first. Now how much does that leave you with?
Theo: $850.
Cliff:: All right. Now you have got to have an apartment, because you are not going to live here. [taking more money] So an apartment in Manhattan will run you at least $400 a month.
Theo: I'll live in New Jersey. [takes back $200]
Cliff: All right, you live in New Jersey, you've got to have a car. [takes $300]
Theo: I'll ride a motorbike. [takes back $100]
Cliff: You need a helmet. [Cliff takes $50] Figure $100 a month for clothes and shoes. [takes $100]
Theo: Figure $200 a month, I want to look good! [give Cliff $100]
Cliff: So what's that leave you with?
Theo: $200. So, no problem!
Cliff: There is a problem, you haven't eaten yet! [Cliff takes $100]
Theo: I can get by on baloney and cereal. [takes back $100] So I've got everything under control PLUS $200 left for the month.
Cliff: You plan to have a girlfriend?
Theo: For sure.
[Cliff takes the remaining $200]
Cliff: [pointing at Theo's empty hand] Regular people.