Clair: Vanessa, what has gotten into you? I have never, ever seen you act like this.
Vanessa: Mom, come on, Denise and I have fought over clothes before.
Cliff: But not to the death!

Clair: Vanessa, what has gotten into you? I have never, ever seen you act like this.
Vanessa: Mom, come on, Denise and I have fought over clothes before.
Cliff: But not to the death!

Clair: What is this?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?

Clair: What is this?
Cliff: Dear. This is a stainless steel maintenance free appliance which provides nutritious drinks for just pennies a day.
Clair: And it's going to end up with the rest of the stainless steel self maintenance appliances in the appliance graveyard underneath the counter. [opens up the counter] Let's see. [pulls out a waffle-maker] The answer to Sunday breakfast?
Cliff: Yes I bought that.
Clair: "Waffles, Clair. I'm going to make waffles every Sunday morning!" Until you had to clean it! And this... [pulls out a special pan] "Crepes, Clair. Think of all the different kind of crepes we can make with this." Turned out to be none.
Theo: Yeah but mom, remember the sausage stuffer?
Claire: Didn't stuff a thing!
Cliff: [to Theo] Et tu, Brute?

Clair: Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Clair: Would you and Dr. Huxtable like some coffee?
Elvin: Coffee?
Clair: Yes, coffee.
Elvin: You mean, you're gonna get it?
Clair: Yes, you're surprised?
Elvin: I'm sorry Mrs. Huxtable, I didn't think you did that kind of thing.
Clair: What kind of thing?
Elvin: You know....serve.
[Cliff sits down rubbing his face]
Clair: Serve whom?
Elvin: Serve him. [pointing to Cliff]
Clair: Oh, serve him! You mean like, serve your man?
Elvin: Well yeah.
Clair: Let me tell you something Elvin. You see, I am not serving Dr. Huxtable. Okay?
Elvin: Okay.
Clair: That's the kind of thing that goes on in a restaurant. Now I am gonna bring him a cup of coffee just like he brought me a cup of coffee this morning. And that, young man, is what marriage is made of, it is give and take 50/50. And if you don't get it together, and drop these macho attitudes, you ain't never gonna have anybody bringing you anything anywhere anyplace anytime evah! Now what would you like in your coffee?
Elvin: Maybe I could get you some coffee.
Clair: Elvin that's all right. I don't mind getting it. But thanks for offering.
[Clair leaves room]
Cliff: Elvin?
Elvin: Yes sir?
Cliff: When she brings the coffee back, if I were you I wouldn't drink it.

Clair: You can't ride to the park unless you are accompanied by an adult.
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?

Clair: You can't ride to the park unless you are accompanied by an adult.
Rudy: Will you 'upcompany' me?

Claire's Mother: When you and Cliff got married, what did I say?
Claire: You wanted me to have a child.
Claire's Mother: Why?
Claire: Revenge.

Claire's Mother: When you and Cliff got married, what did I say?
Claire: You wanted me to have a child.
Claire's Mother: Why?
Claire: Revenge.

Claire: [preparing for a court case] Now, Ms. Huxtable. Would you please tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson said to you after he examined your engine for the first time?
Cliff: You know, I have the perfect strategy, for this mechanic huddle. I think that we ought to just forget about the trial, and the three of us go over to his house and beat him up!

Claire: [preparing for a court case] Now, Ms. Huxtable. Would you please tell the court exactly what Mr. Wilson said to you after he examined your engine for the first time?
Cliff: You know, I have the perfect strategy, for this mechanic huddle. I think that we ought to just forget about the trial, and the three of us go over to his house and beat him up!

Claire: Cliff that really was not necessary.
Cliff: What?
Claire: Cliff, these classes are competitive enough without us putting extra pressure on this girl.
Cliff: There's nothing wrong with a little competition.
Claire: Okay I just don't want Vanessa to get carried away like a certain person in this family...
Cliff: You talking about me?
Claire: Yes. Yes as a matter of fact I am. Now let's take the way you play Monopoly.
Cliff: What does Monopoly got to do with science?
Claire: I'm talking about the way you handle competition. You see, most human beings view Monopoly as a game. But you take it as a means to crush all those who dare challenge you! You are the worst! Someone gets a 'Go to Jail' card, you applaud.
Cliff: That's right.
Claire: Somebody lands on your property, you start making cash register sounds!
Cliff: Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That's right!
Claire: And then when you win, you pile all your money up on the floor and roll in it! You are the worst!
Cliff: Yeah, now I know what you're talking about! This has nothing to do with science. You're still warm about the Monopoly game we played- [laughs] and- and I had Boardwalk, and you rolled the dice, and you landed on my Boardwalk! And I had about 5000 hotels, and 600 houses, and you only had $30! And I told you to pay up, and you said, 'But I'm your wife!' [Claire leaves the room] ...and you'd better pay!

Claire: Cliff that really was not necessary.
Cliff: What?
Claire: Cliff, these classes are competitive enough without us putting extra pressure on this girl.
Cliff: There's nothing wrong with a little competition.
Claire: Okay I just don't want Vanessa to get carried away like a certain person in this family...
Cliff: You talking about me?
Claire: Yes. Yes as a matter of fact I am. Now let's take the way you play Monopoly.
Cliff: What does Monopoly got to do with science?
Claire: I'm talking about the way you handle competition. You see, most human beings view Monopoly as a game. But you take it as a means to crush all those who dare challenge you! You are the worst! Someone gets a 'Go to Jail' card, you applaud.
Cliff: That's right.
Claire: Somebody lands on your property, you start making cash register sounds!
Cliff: Cha-ching! Cha-ching! That's right!
Claire: And then when you win, you pile all your money up on the floor and roll in it! You are the worst!
Cliff: Yeah, now I know what you're talking about! This has nothing to do with science. You're still warm about the Monopoly game we played- [laughs] and- and I had Boardwalk, and you rolled the dice, and you landed on my Boardwalk! And I had about 5000 hotels, and 600 houses, and you only had $30! And I told you to pay up, and you said, 'But I'm your wife!' [Claire leaves the room] ...and you'd better pay!

Claire: If I died, would you marry again?
Cliff: We'll talk about it when it happens.
Claire: We can't talk about it then!
Cliff: Okay, no. The answer is no. I wouldn't.
Claire: Under no circumstances, if I die, would you marry again. You would be single forever?
Cliff: Yes.
Claire: Would you date somebody?
Cliff: No. I wouldn't.
Claire: Okay, Cliff I'm dead. I'm gone.
Cliff: And you're still in the bed with me?